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Young Writers Society


18+ Violence Mature Content

The Elder Scrolls: Escape - Chapter 1.4 (Finale) ~ The Last Straw

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence and mature content.

In the owner’s box he could see Omeloren stand up and approach the ledge.

“I thought that I would put together a small celebration for my victory today,” Omeloren began. “My champion slave has once again proven that he is the most dangerous fighter of the arena. Now I could just take my winnings and have all of you kicked off my land.”

A small chuckle swept through the crowd.

“But I thought that this might be a better parting gift. Slaves! This is not your usual match. This will not be a fight to the death.”

Do’amha released a sigh of relief.At least she wasn’t going to be killed, he thought.

“I give you this female to enjoy to your heart’s content. Do not harm her or each other. There is plenty of time for all of you to have your turn.”

Do’amha stared in horror as the ring of slaves rushed onto Vajrasha like a pack of wolves. She screamed as they dragged her down to the ground and began tearing her clothes from her. More and more of her black furred body was revealed with every passing second. Pinned down by the other slaves, as hands grabbed for her body.

Vajrasha let out a scream as she was forced to endure this torment, thrashing and kicking against the hands that held her as she begged them to stop. Her screams and his lack of power to help caused Do’amha to claw his blunt talons into the wood of the door.

“This is for your disrespectful behavior, slave,” one guard sneered into his ear.

The pair of them began laughing and didn’t pay attention as Do’amha was seeing red. His elbow lashed viciously back into the nose of one guard before he grabbed the other by his helmet and began slamming it against the stone wall repeatedly. When the guard crumpled to the ground, he felt a metal rod strike him in the back of the head, but he didn’t care. He gave out a roar as he grabbed the broken nosed guard and sank his fangs into his throat, tearing it free in a spray of crimson.

Face painted with the guard’s blood, he quick grabbed the key and unlocked the side door. The slaves around Vajrasha were already removing their trousers and watching as they waited for their turn with her. With the dropped rod in hand, Do’amha rushed out into the arena with an enraged roar.

Three of the slaves were beaten back before they could realize what was going on. Another three were quickly tackling him and beating him down. A few mentioned how they weren’t going to let him take this from them. Others said that he had been in favor for far too long as the kicked and beat him until he couldn’t move.

Do'amha didn’t know how long it went on for, but the light had ebbed away to a dull glow. He could only lay there, powerless to help her. All the while he could hear her cries for him to save her.  Deep down, he could only blame himself for the pain that she was being put through. I’m sorry, sister, was the last thing he thought before he passed out.  Her tormented cries echoing in the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was roused from unconsciousness with a bucket of water it was dark out. He sputtered and coughed as he groggily looked around. His vision blurry from the beating that he had taken, his body still racked with pain. His eyes finally focused on Omeloren’s smiling face. He made a weak lunge but the hands that held him kept him back with little effort.

“It seems that you have forgotten your lessons, slave,” Omeloren chided, his tone like that of a disappointed parent. “You killed one of my guards, beat another into unconsciousness, and interrupted my celebration event. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I had intended on offering you a more comfortable living arrangements, even privileges to travel outside. But if this is how you are going to act, then I see no choice but to remind you who is in charge here.” Omeloren stepped aside and revealed something that made Do’amha stiffen.

It was The Box - an obsidian container that was humming with magical energies. He weakly fought against the guards that were slowly pushing him toward it. There horrors inside were enough to drive him to the point of breaking.

“Please…please do not do this!” Do’amha begged, bracing himself against the container to try and stop the inevitable. “Master Omeloren, please! I am sorry!”

“I have been far too lenient on you. You’re in need of a reminder of whom it is you are subservient to.” Do’amha’s arms were force back and he was shoved inside of The Box.

On the inside there was a small ledge, only big enough for Do’amha to stand on the balls of his feet and just enough space for him to crouch down in a huddled position. As the door was slammed closed he stumbled a little on the ledge and his tail rose to try and keep balanced.

As his tail touched the wall of The Box a burning pain was shot through his body and he grabbed his tail to keep it from happening again. Every side, even the floor, would cause searing pain at the slightest touch.  His hands wrung around the stripped fur of his tail as he felt panic filling his chest. He was once again in the most terrifying place he could imagine. The pitch black and promise of pain in The Box brought more fear in him than fighting the troll.

A slot slid open on the door and he could see Omeloren’s eyes peering in at him. Those eyes had a sadistic joy in them as they watched Do’amha’s panicked expression. “The only reason your head is not on display is because you won me a great deal of gold. Thirty times your weight, in fact. You best remember this kindness when I see you again in a week.”

The slot slid closed and Do’amha made a plea as he jumped for it. The burning pain ran through his arms as he touched the dark material, like his blood was boiling from the inside and red hot pokers were gouging his flesh. His legs were already cramping up from the uncomfortable hunched position he was forced to take. He gripped his tail once again, like a sort of security blanket that he continued to wring again and again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do’amha wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had cried for the first couple days in The Box. Even now he kept sniffling and wiping away the tears that rolled down his orange and black fur. His feelings of fear and panic had long since been replaced with rage. His fur bristled at the thought of when they let him out of here and he could rip out Omeloren’s throat with his own fangs.

A full week in The Box was even more torture than most solitary confinements. Not only was he unable to move his crouched position. He wasn’t able to sleep. Sleeping meant not constantly paying attention to being perfectly perched on the ledge. If he fell asleep he would fall to one side or the other and immediately be awoken by the searing pain that filled his body.

Eating was practically impossible. He wasn’t given a tray, bowl, or any means of containing the food. It was just shoved through the slot and if his hands weren’t there to catch it then it fell onto the floor of The Box. Once that happened, picking it up was as painful as touching the floor itself.

With the slide closed there wasn’t a crack of light anywhere. Do’amha could only imagine that this is what The Void must be like, just darkness and silence. He couldn’t tell how long he had been in the box. They never brought him food in a regular fashion. There were a couple times that he was given food and then a few minutes later fed again and had to scramble to keep from dropping the meal.

The entire crowded space reeked of urine and filth. Without having a place to relieve himself, he was forced to just do his business where he crouched. He couldn’t describe the stench that soaked into coat and drowned his nostrils. What made it worse was that when he slipped on the ledge his feet would step into the sewage beneath him and, lacking a means of cleaning himself, he was forced to let it dry into the fur on his feet and between his toes.

The slot suddenly slid open, making Do’amha jump and lose his purchase on the small ledge. He let out a string of curses as he fell to the side and then the other as he tried to right himself. Finally getting back on the ledge, his left arm now covered in the filth, he realized just how stiff and cramped his legs really were.

Looking at the slot he saw nothing at first, just the stones of the far wall that he faced. Then there were a pair of amethyst eyes peering in at him. “Do’amha?” she asked.

“You!” he said in a whisper. What did she say her name was? Carmen or something?

“Karliah,” she whispered back. “I saw what happened. I’m so sorry. I tried to do something from the side-lines but they wouldn’t listen.”

He could hear the sound of metal scraping on the obsidian door.

“I was completely amazed how you dealt with that troll. A little brutal for my tastes, but effective none the less. And that guard you killed. Ripped out his throat with your teeth. You fight like a hell cat. Damn! I’m sorry. I can’t pick this lock. It’s reinforced with magik.”

Do’amha nodded. His jaw set as his mind raced with what was going to happen next.

“I want to help you. Tell me how,” she said as she gazed into the defeated eyes shining in the darkness.

He set his eyes onto her amethyst ones and spoke in a very dark voice. "Is that offer of escape still on the table?”

“Of course it is. It’ll be even easier now with the lax in security,” Karliah sneered.

“With Vajrasha?”

“I can arrange something else for her. I can get a few of my associates to convince Omeloren to sell her. But we won’t be able to pull it off with you in there. We’re going to have to wait until you get released.”

Do’amha nodded. A few more days in The Box seemed like a small price to pay for a chance at freedom. His eyes set on Karliah’s. A fire of determination burned away the defeated glaze that had once shrouded his eyes.

“Alright…let's do it.”


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Tue Dec 13, 2016 9:04 pm
baumgartner says...



You write very well XxXSwordsmanXxX but the world has enough violence for my taste so I tend to enjoy less cruelly graphic fiction. Anyway your work caught my eye while doing some background research for a Morrowind FanFic project and you write a good narrative that paints a picture in the mind's eye. My suggestion is that you don't limit yourself to such a dark and sadistic vision. You are good enough not to need it.




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Fri Sep 30, 2016 5:57 pm
tigeraye wrote a review...



Wow, poor Vajrasha :( I'd imagine the rape scene must've been incredibly daunting to write, not just because of the subject itself but because of how fast the pace quickens for those horrifying moments. You definitely conveyed the horrible things Vajrasha had to go through and set us up to want to see Do'amha get revenge on Omeloren and the rest of the elves.

The Box...we finaly got to see The Box, but to be honest, I felt a bit let down by the detail. The entire chapter built to what The Box was, and how torturous and awful it was, but we didn't really feel his pain as much as I think we could've. Almost like you were afraid to go too into detail after a horrifying rape scene. "His legs were already cramping" and "security blanket" doesn't really ring as I expected The Box to be. "Burning pain" is decent detail, but it's more of a description of what he's going through than actually what he's going through. I just feel like I expected something more than what we got.

Since we're at the end of the chapter, I'd have to say as a chapter altogether, this felt a bit like it didn't quite have a certain direction. You have Do'amha making friends with this Vajrasha, you have him meeting this strange Dunmer who ends up being Karliyah wanting to help them escape for some reason (and then promptly isn't mentioned again), then Do'amha gets pitted against a troll, then Vajarsha gets raped by the other slaves when the other slaves previously seemed kind and not at all likely to do something like that. And why was Do'amha suddenly weaker taking on other slaves when he killed three guards, and also a troll all by himself? What caused him to pass out other than a way for you to end the scene? It's still a very enjoyable story, but it'd be even better if every chapter worked to tell a particular mini-story and advance the plot rather than a collection of different adventures in this strange arena/slavepen hybrid created by the Thalmor. Hopefully all the threads start to come together and we see Do'amha start to take revenge on that terrible elf.






Greetings and thank you for your reviews. I am sorry that I have not gotten back to the others. But I would like to point out a few things here. Originally there had been a much more....graphic depiction of the rape scene. Under the suggestion of another reviewer I wrote a version of the chapter that details the rape scene from Vajrasha's point of view. I had some issues with it there but I left it alone until another reviewer expressed the same concerns and thoughts that I had had. So I returned it to its original piece.

The reason that Do'amha is taken down so easily is that there are six of those slave against him. As immensely over powering the troll was to fight, there was still only one of them. Even the guards there was only two of them which he had enough time to distract one and kill the other before they were able to react. I go for a sense of realism in my stories, especially with combat. Do'amha, rushing in with a metal baton against six of the ten slaves was brave, but he stood no chance. That was the point. To show that even with the incredible feats...he is still mortal.

The Box...yes The Box. Believe it or not there is actually a good deal more detail to The Box in the next chapter. Under the suggestion of a reviewer I moved it to the start of the next chapter to see how it goes. I thought that it was important that the horror of the box be told in this chapter, but I was will to try it to see how the reaction was. Please take another look as I have made a few tweaks and returned the portion of the story that I had moved to the next chapter.



tigeraye says...


i haven't forgotten about this by the way. been a little busy but i'm going to try and read the next parts soon



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Sat Sep 17, 2016 12:56 am
Megrim wrote a review...



And we're onto the final section of the chapter! A lot to say about this one, I think. I'll say I liked it, but with reservations. I usually make brief notes as I read so I'll just go through it in order point by point.

I totally had a suspicion that she was pulled out to be raped rather than a fight for the death, and now I wish I'd said it so I'd look clever :P

I liked when he broke free and tore out the guard's throat. I have a similar scene in my WIP, actually. There's just something savagely primal and powerful about that. I DID think it was remarkably easy for him to break free, and it made me wonder why he hadn't done a similar thing at an opportune moment some other time. (I ASSUME he'd get stuck inside the compound and easily caught by some other guards, but still made me wonder). I also was glad that he got immediately overwhelmed by the numbers. I was afraid that, since he's such a good fighter, he'd get in there and wreck them all, but it's much more realistic for him to get taken down quickly. In real life, one person against two is a HUGE disadvantage that's VERY hard to overcome, so I always roll my eyes at fiction where the hero's taking on a whole group of thugs or whatever.

There seemed to be a POV slip here--all of a sudden we were in Vajrasha's perspective without any warning. After reading the other review, I see why you did that, and understand it better. I'd be wary about the head-hopping, though. Maybe separate it into its own POV scene? I'm not sure. I wouldn't go into her POV unless she's going to be a POV character that we revisit (coming from a purely writing perspective, content aside). This is a tough situation because of the material, and all I can say is that head-hopping is generally not a good idea, but I DO appreciate her perspective. It MAY be more appropriate to leave it out, however.

So my biggest reservation with the chapter is how violent and detailed the rape scene gets. Or rather, it feels like it goes on longer than it needs to. I think it's going to be too violent for most readers. There are plenty of people, often women, who will simply stop reading a story as soon as a rape scene starts getting graphic. In my own writing, I prefer insinuation and subtlety. I really like dark hints, subtle clues and physical marks, but generally shy away from describing the detailed action (even if I have it exactly imagined out). Same goes for torture scenes (though I PERSONALLY usually like them... I do have some writing partners who won't read them, period). I suppose for me, it's more about the tension. The lead-up and the horror, as opposed to the violence itself.

Switching into Vajrasha's POV did make me wonder what on earth Do'amha was up to for that hour. It's explained shortly after (he was beat up and lying there helplessly), but it still was kind of like... wait, where's our MC?

I had a bit of difficulty envisioning The Box. I like the concept, what I understand of it, but I had a really hard time visualizing what actually was going on. Like how he has to balance on a pedestal but also has to crouch at a weird angle. Just didn't quite compute how the thing is set up. I was clear on how it works, particularly with the pain-inducing walls, so I got the gist of it, but I think it would be relevant to have a clearer picture of it.

I also want to mention I really like the tail-wringing. That's a nice visual and a nice touch of characterization. In fact, it's such a strong ending sentence (...continued to wring again and again.) you might want to consider ending the chapter there, and starting up the next one with the scene after that.






To be honest....I don't like the details rape scene myself either. I was given the idea of seeing Vajrasha's point of view in this and, unfortunately, it meant going into detail to really bring out the horror of it. I have changed it back to the more subtle version that I prefer and I hope you will too.



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Thu Sep 15, 2016 10:49 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay...so the thing that bothers me in this chapter is the rape scene. Not that it happened, although it was incredibly disturbing and only would've been more so if Do'amha and Vajrasha and the other slaves looked more human.

But it's more just that, like, okay, it's kind of this thing in movies and television and sometimes in literature that women get raped to increase a dude's pain, which is basically what happened here. And I get it, that the slave owner is just a sadistic awful guy (I mean, he owns slaves) and that Do'amha has done something to piss him off and that the best way to get at Do'amha is through his sister.

So I guess it's okay to use this as a plot device, but. Okay, I also know we're in Do'amha's viewpoint, here, but. Okay, what I would like to see from this is some focus on Vajrasha's pain as opposed to Do'amha's--yes, he's horrified that this is happening and he can't stop it, but it's actually happening to Vajrasha, and it's happening to her because of her brother. So it's this horribly traumatic event in the first place, compounded by this--not a betrayal, exactly, because obviously Do'amha didn't foresee this--by her brother's involvement, I guess.

So I know we're not in her viewpoint, and that in this particular chapter there's not a whole lot we can do to really show how she's feeling beyond Do'amha seeing her cry, because there's obviously no opportunity for a conversation. But I guess rather than so much a suggestion for this chapter, I just want to caution you for future chapters. If you want this to come across as a real thing that happened to a real person, and not just a cheap plot trick to increase Do'amha's pain, make sure you pay attention to Vajrasha and how she feels in the aftermath. Is she skittish about physical interactions? Is she unsure of how to treat Do'amha? Or does she never realize that it was because of him that this happened to her? Maybe she goes to him for comfort instead.

Just be sure to give this some thought, okay? I mean, maybe you already have, since this involves future chapters rather than this one right here, but. Just think about it.






I really thank you for your reviews and I actually have a few things in mind for this. I could, in fact, switch perspectives for a shot while and give an idea of what is going on in Vajrasha's mind as all of this is happening. Though I am not sure about the transition, which in itself can be tricky.

In the future, however, I have a few things that will show the general impact on Vajrasha. I will post perspective change to see how it looks. I hope that you will read it and give me your feedback on it.




I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec