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The Elder Scrolls: Escape - Chapter 3.3 ~ Freedom

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


The sun passed its peak and began its descent when Karliah raised her hand to silently signal a stop. Do’amha watched as her eyes locked intently on something in the forest. He strained to see what it was that had caught the Dunmer’s attention.

Then he caught the movement.

A pair of long ears flicking about in a wary fashion, trying to find the danger that it had sensed a moment before. The hare’s coat made it almost impossible to see if it remained still.

How did she see that just by walking passed? Do'amha thought in amazement, his jaw opened slightly in shock.

Do’amha watched as Karliah slowly knocked an arrow and raised her bow before releasing.

The arrow flew true and struck the hare through the ribs with a soft thump. The tiny beast gave out a shrill cry for only a moment before it fell silent, the arrow protruding from its side.

I wonder if she could teach me to do that, Do’amha thought to himself.

“I caught us dinner,” Karliah said in triumph, holding her kill in the air. “It’s a little lean but it’s better than that dry bread we’ve been eating.”

Karliah continued on along the riverbank as Vajrasha slowed to walk beside Do'amha.

"Do not even think it," Vajrasha said with a hint of amusement.

"Do not think what?" Do'amha asked.

"Do'amha can barely relieve himself into a bucket. What makes you think you can aim a bow?"

Do'amha gave her a curt look as he heard a stifled laugh coming from Karliah. The two women, unable to contain themselves, began giggling. As insulted as Do'amha thought he should feel, he found himself happy that Vajrasha was trying to make jokes. His lips curled into a smirk as he enjoyed the sound of the women's laughter.

"Vajrasha," Do'amha whispered after the laughter dissipated into nothing. "How are you?"

"I am fine, Brother," she responded flatly.

"How are you really?"

Vajrasha turned to Do'amha, tears brimming in her eyes. "I am managing, Brother. Please. Do not ask anymore."

Do'amha nodded gently. Her eyes said it all. The pain. The shame. It all emanated from her eyes. She wasn't ready to face what had happened to her yet, and he couldn't fault her for that. He turned his attention back to the path in front of them.

The memory of watching Vajrasha's violation flashed through his mind. In all the years that he spent as a slave he had never felt so completely helpless as he did in that moment. Not a month in The Box could compare to those glimpses of what he saw Vajrasha put through.

With a shake of his head, he forced himself to stop thinking about it. Dwelling on what happened wasn't going to make it all go away.

A solemn cloud hung over Do'amha as he followed Karliah into the wilderness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My feet are killing me," Do'amha grumbled as he massaged the pads of his feet.

"And here I thought you were the toughest cat around," Karliah quipped as she got the fire going.

"I can fight opponents all day long. They never had me run a long distance race," he growled back. He slowly stretched his toes out to work the ache from the arch of his foot.

"Go soak your feet in the river. It will help."

Do'amha nodded and made his way over to the river. A shudder ran up his spine as he dipped his feet into the frigid water. A quiet hiss slipped passed his lips. The cold water stung for a long moment before the sting ebbed away, taking the ache in his feet with it.

He leaned back on his elbows as he enjoyed the feeling, his head falling back and staring up to the stars above. Even now they shone with a bright intensity.

"Your eyes are sparking," Karliah said as she sat down beside him and slipped her feet into the running water as well. A small gasp leaving her lips before she shivered and relaxed.

"The stars," Do'amha replied, never taking his eyes off of them as if they might vanish if he even blinked. "They are beautiful."

Karliah smiled as she looked up to the stars. Her slender hand rose and pointed to a small group of stars. "Those there are The Shadow. That constellation is the boon of all thieves, such as myself."

Do'amha nodded as he made sure to memorize the constellation. "So what were you there to steal from Omeloren?"

"I'm afraid I don't discuss business outside the guild."

"This...guild. Would it be possible for Vajrasha and I to stay there for a time? I only ask because I know nothing of the world outside and Vajrasha will need to be looked after."

"That choice isn't up to me. That would be up to the guild master and his second to decide."

Do'amha nodded. "So what is the plan? We are on the run from a powerful man. Where do we go from here?"

"I have a contact that I we are meeting. If we can reach him before we are found, then we can likely get you and Vajrasha out of here. From there I can't say."

"How far is this contact of yours?"

"Another day's travel, I'd guess.  We are making excellent time at the moment."

"You are doing a great deal more than I can possibly pay back. Why are you going through all of this for us?"

Karliah slowly drew her feet from the water and pulled her boots back on. "You should get some rest Do'amha. We still have a long way to go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the middle of the night.

Some rustling had awoken Do'amha from a dead slumber. Glancing around he could see that Vajrasha was gone, her cloak still beside the burning fire. Disappearing into the foliage of the forest. He quietly moved after her. His padded feet making no noise on the forest floor and his sharp eyes peering through the darkness as clearly as day.

Vajrasha had made her way through the forest and downstream. She seemed to want privacy. A part of him was telling him to leave her be and walk away. That she would come around to telling him when she was ready. Another part was demanding that he stay and find out why she was endangering herself by going so far for solitude.

As the voices clashed within him, the moon light that she stood in made her glow like some spectre waiting on the arrival of something that she had long since forgotten. He watched as Vajrasha stared at her reflection in the river. The dulled eyes that had lost their luster staring back at her. A tear rolled down her fur covered cheek as her right hand gripped the barely stitched tunic around her torso. With a muted cry she tore at it with her blunted claws. Her motions like she were trying to tear something off of her. As if something was burrowing under her skin and she was desperately trying to rid herself of the affliction. Her hands flew around her clawing and tearing the frayed and ruined fabric even more so than it already was.

Do'amha could only guess that some part of her was still trying to fight off the slaves that had violated her again and again that night. Her actions displaying her disgust with herself for not having done more to stop them. He couldn't sit there any longer. His own eyes brimming with tears as he watched her destroying herself. Hurrying forward he tries to reach out for her as her blunt claws came and struck him across the cheek. A shallow cut appearing beneath his eye. He pulled Vajrasha to him. Holding her tightly as she thrashed against him in earnest.

"I am sorry, Sister," He whispered in her ear.

She froze his grasp. The words seeming to reach into her mind with comforting embrace.

"I am so sorry. I couldn't protect you."

Vajrasha finally gave in. Collapsing into Do'amha's arms as she cried out in agony. Her fingers grabbing fistfuls of his stripped fur as she screamed in despair against his chest.

Do'amha felt as if a knife were being twisted in his heart. The pain that she had been holding inside of her washing over him as she finally let go.

He had failed her. It was as simple as that and Do'amha would have to live with that regret for the rest of his life.

It took some time before her cries became sobs. Do'amha finally feeling ready to help Vajrasha to her feet. He carefully moved her clothing to cover her once again before heading back to the fire. Karliah sat there, her expression worried and relieved.

It was a surprise to all of them when Vajrasha asked for the clothes that Karliah had brought for her.

"It seems that you managed to get through to her," Karliah whispered as Vajrasha began dressing behind a bush.

"She got through to herself," Do'amha explained. "I was just there to catch her when it all came down."

Karliah nodded as she kicked dirt onto the fire.  "Few hours until dawn.  We might as well get moving."

Do'amha nodded as Vajrasha came from around the bush, dressed in well made clothing.  She ran her hands over the fabric, almost in awe that she was wearing such clothes.

"You look like a proper Khajitt now, Sister," Do'amha complemented.

Vajrasha smiled as she gave a small nod.  The trio following the river once again.

"So we should meet your contact at the end of the day, right?" Do'amha asked Karliah, skepticism.

"If everything has gone smoothly, then yes."

"Then let us hope that everything has gone smoothly," Vajrasha said as her steps seemed to quicken.

Do'amha didn't like the looks that Karliah was giving them.  A knot was squirming in his stomach like vipers.  Like an itch that he couldn't scratch. It was driving him crazy.  It could be his mind playing tricks on him.  But he had always trusted his instincts in the past, and right now they were screaming that he and Vajrasha were in danger.


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Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:12 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey, Swordsman. :) Thanks for tagging me. You've already got two reviews that go pretty deep into things so I'll just do some editing if that's okay.

I don't have much to say about the plot anyway. In that first scene, it's clear that Do'amha is greatly saddened about what his sister went through. I personally even think he feels guilty about it, like he should have been there to stop it. I liked the scene when he and Karliah were bathing their feet, although I would have liked Do'amha to groan or complain or something at the end when she said they had to move on. The scene with Vajrasha ripping off her clothes was touching.

How did she see that just by walking passed?
Just by walking pass*

Do’amha watched as Karliah slowly knocked an arrow and raised her bow before releasing.
Notched* an arrow.

A small gasp leaving her lips before she shivered and relaxed.
If you continued into this after a comma, 'leaving' would be fine. Since you've started a new sentence. everything before has been cancelled, so there's no action to continue from. Therefore, it should read as 'left' before 'leaving'. I know that doesn't make too much sense but I'm not sure how to explain it, sorry.

"You look like a proper Khajitt now, Sister," Do'amha complemented.
Complimented* with an I. With an E is referring to an addition that goes well with the original thing.

Those are all I thought to point out. Another read-through is really all that's needed, I'm sure you'd have found those errors yourself. Thanks again for tagging me. :D




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Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:22 pm
PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hello, Swordsman!

I didn't know anything related to the Elder Scrolls or whatever this fanfiction is derived from, so please take my review with a spoonful of salt! I also haven't read previous parts, so I'll be commenting on what I encounter here.

I think I agree with Blue that the dialogue tags have quite a bit of "said" substitutes. While they aren't bad things, I've read that they tend to distract from the actual dialogue. Maybe you could be careful with it and use them sparingly. For example, when somebody says something ending in exclamation points like ("You snatched the crown from the king!"), you don't need to use "shouted" or "accused" to already deliver its meaning. And mixing in narration is great because you get to access to the characters' body language and further develop the emotional responses.

Also, the dialogue here feels rather unnatural (everybody's frequently speaking in full, grammatically correct sentences). I feel as though there could be more contractions (like "I'm", "There're", etc. etc.). Maybe that's the way the characters do speak, but they do feel unnatural. I also think that maybe Karliah's speech patterns could be different from the other two because she seems to have a background from somewhere else.

There is foreshadowing here, and I feel as though they were reeeeally heavy-handed. I predict that Karliah is going to betray them, due to her connections, and also of Do'amha's gut. If that really happens, I would suggest to tone back the foreshadowing a bit and make it subtler. Right now, it's really, really heavy-handed. Right now, I feel as though the sense that Do'amha and Vajrasha are in danger is spoiled a bit by the foreshadowing. I think it would be better if you kept the "we're in danger" feeling but wove in the foreshadowing more delicately.

This could be a result of not reading the previous parts, but I think that I'm not really grounded as to where they are. I know they are in the forest...near a river. But I would like to see more specific place descriptions! I like description, if taken in little doses, because it helps to develop the atmosphere. Right now, I'm seeing that you probably want to have a bit of a darker atmosphere, so maybe you could twist the forest description to be a bit foreboding and weave it into the narrative. Then perhaps some dark feeling can permeate the scene.

I hope this review helped! Let me know if you want to talk more about it!






I would like to point out that the lack of contractions with two of the character's speech is a trait of the race that they are within the Elder Scrolls Series. This is not a grammarical error. It's actually a part of the world concept.



PrincessInk says...


Oh, okay! Thanks for letting me know :D



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Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:47 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

I like the way that even though this chapter is from Do'amha's perspective, you really give us some insight into Vajrasha's feelings and how her assault is still affecting her. Of course we see how guilty Do'amha feels for not protecting her, as well, but I'm glad you didn't focus solely on his feelings for something that happened to Vajrasha. I also really liked this line of dialogue.

"She got through to herself," Do'amha explained. "I was just there to catch her when it all came down."


You've got a lot of "said" substitutes in your dialogue tags, so watch out for that - it can get distracting to read words like "explained," "complimented," and "quipped." If you feel like you're using "said" too much, you can simply drop the dialogue tag and replace it with narration, like you did here.

Karliah nodded as she kicked dirt onto the fire. "Few hours until dawn. We might as well get moving."


This sort of thing isn't distracting like "said" replacements are, plus they help paint a stronger picture of the scene.

Finally, this line feels really obvious, like a spoiler.

Do'amha didn't like the looks that Karliah was giving them. As if she were regretting something with them.


It just feels like it's going to turn out that Karliah is going to betray them somehow. Which is fine, but it'll be more suspenseful and interesting if you hint at it more subtly. Coming right and saying "she was regretting something to do with them" feels like too much of a giveaway.

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