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by XxPheonixKittenxX

Some of us can go a whole day with an actual smile. 

Some of us actually mean it when they say, "Oh yeah! I'm so happy!" 

But what about the ones who are not so lucky?

What about the ones that get overwhelmed easily?

Or the ones that are struggling with depression?

What about the ones, who can go with a fake smile all day, come home, curl up in bed...

and just cry all day long?

What about them...?


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73 Reviews

Points: 4757
Reviews: 73

Sun Jan 29, 2017 5:31 am
NightKaizer wrote a review...

HEELLO Pheonix Kitten,
The ones who are not so lucky. I guess nobody can be born in a rich aristocratic family or a happy united family full of love and happiness, happiness everywhere. There are people you see walking on the streets with a smile on their face every second of the time. It's almost annoying. But they're lucky, I guess. Lucky that they can smile about anything and make life as positive and sunshiny as possible. But they're lucky. That doesn't count. You? If you are facing depression, facing sadness, lament? And you manage to smile, even once? That's not a sin. It's something to be proud of. Just tell yourself that. It must've taken a lot of effort just to curl the corners of your mouth.
I have to say, this passage is something special. "Oh yeah! I'm so happy!" Those people were lucky. But you are special too. I can't say if it's a poem or a collection of questions without answers swimming in ones head. It's not a poem, since it's under "other" so I'll go with the latter.
The ones who aren't so lucky? You don't need luck on your side. Luck does not control your life- you do. The choices you make are what decide your future, your fate.
The ones that get overwhelmed easily? I feel you. I overreact about everything. Is that the same thing? When there's just too much to take in at once, break it down into little pieces and forget about the rest. You'll just kill yourself if you think all at once and that won't do you any good.
The ones struggling with depression? You're not alone. Everyone gets sad at one point, even the people who smile every day, every minute of their lives.
The ones who wear fake smiles? You may think no one understands you. But have you tried asking someone else? You might be afraid too but just think about how relieved you'll be once you've spoken out. Told the world. Don't let fear take you down.
What about you? You are special. And the questions that you've listed up above are questions that make people think. I'm thinking right now and I'm glad I did. It helps to tell the world, to see the world in a new way.

You are special,

Night Kaizer

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1239 Reviews

Points: 34882
Reviews: 1239

Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:41 am
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there PheonixKitten! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I know the description says you don't want to change this, and that's fine. I often write as a release of my emotions, not really caring if anyone thinks it's "good" or not. But as it stands, this is in the Green Room, so I'm going to review it.

One thing I do like about this piece is the change in perspective. In the beginning, you say "some of us", making the reader feel like the speaker is happy and "them" is referring to some other person. But then at the end you reveal that the speaker is in fact one of the depressed ones. That was a nice twist.

However, I feel like the piece as a whole could be stronger. I feel like someone is telling me "Bob feels this", but I don't actually gett to see or feel Bob's emotions. I find that it's difficult to write good poetry about a certain event or emotion while I'm in the midst of that feeling. Once I've moved on a bit and gotten a little distance, it's easier for me to get into the sensory details and poetic devices that can really express that emotion.

Should you want to explore the idea of emotion in poetry some more, here are some excellent articles to check out: Editing for Emotion and Emotional Poetry.

Overall, I do hope you feel better soon. Emotions are always interesting to play around with in poetry, but it's easier when you're in a better place. And of course, keep writing! :D

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61 Reviews

Points: 2313
Reviews: 61

Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:05 am
Anniepoo103 says...

This is a pretty great poem man. I feel like a lot of people can relate to it. Especially if they are having one of those days. I feel like those people who always say that they are happy are really faking it. (because honestly,most of them are preps) If you ever get discouraged by their phony personalities or if you need a bit of encouragement sometime let me know. I would be more than happy to help.

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Points: 300
Reviews: 1

Sat Jan 14, 2017 2:21 am
BowPetal says...

This is such a heartfelt poem. I'm kind of sentimental and get overwhelmed easily because I was kind of teary at the end of this poem. It was "short and sweet". And I am crying. Okay, I think I should go now...

awe I did not mean to make you cry

BowPetal says...

Hehehehe. :D I cried at the end of every book where someone dies. (Prim in Hunger Games!)

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21 Reviews

Points: 114
Reviews: 21

Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:01 am
KFdreams02 says...

Are you okay? I know that you probably have people that you know much better than me to talk to, and we don't know each other at all, but I'm always free to listen if you ever need to vent to someone. You're always welcome to rant a little if you wish, and I won't judge (you could tell me you killed 50 people, and I wouldn't care as long as I could help you). If not, I wish you luck with your writing, and that you may find true happiness in life.

No...I'm not really "okay"...thank you for the offer. I will pm you if I feel I need to

I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
— Chandler Bing