z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Artist

by XxPheonixKittenxX


It’s amazing how every person is said to have a specific purpose in this world, whether it means you are meant to become a doctor, or maybe a pilot. When you’re young, you want to become a “princess” or a “knight” or maybe even a “rock star”. Sometimes that doesn’t always come true. Sometimes, you end up becoming something you thought you would never become. You might become someone who works at a bakery, or maybe someone who works in a huge store. Unless, you’re like me. You become an artist. An artist who carves beautiful pictures. An artist that doesn’t paint, an artist that doesn’t want to show their art in a gallery, or an art museum, not even online, You’re an artist, that lives in a fucked up world. Where people don’t care if you’re hurting. You’re an artist that lives in a world where you are heart-broken by the people who are around you. You’re an artist who doesn’t use a pencil, or a paint brush, but a blade. A small silver blade in your right hand and a fully painted wrist. Covered by the scarlet red blood, trickling down your arm. Leaning against the bathroom door, you stare at it. Just thinking, you’re an artist, who will eventually give up. You’re an artist that will finally get what they wanted. Suicide.


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56 Reviews


Points: 1343
Reviews: 56

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Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:43 pm



Damn, totally awestruck. 'Tis really sad, and brings back painful memories of loved ones.

I love it.

For me, I would have preferred if it were a tad more to the point, especially the first bit as the first two thirds of the paragraph is just ramble. Try to work on making it a tad more concise.

Also, since it's such a dark topic of depression and suicide, it would be good to use language that will allow the reader to feel like they've been winded, it needs to be that emotional.

Keep it up, just keep in mind that making use of extended vocabulary does wonders for you and for the readers (i.e. us!)

- Tiana :)




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56 Reviews


Points: 1343
Reviews: 56

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Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:43 pm
dystopianmonkey01 wrote a review...



Damn, totally awestruck. 'Tis really sad, and brings back painful memories of loved ones.

I love it.

For me, I would have preferred if it were a tad more to the point, especially the first bit as the first two thirds of the paragraph is just ramble. Try to work on making it a tad more concise.

Also, since it's such a dark topic of depression and suicide, it would be good to use language that will allow the reader to feel like they've been winded, it needs to be that emotional.

Keep it up, just keep in mind that making use of extended vocabulary does wonders for you and for the readers (i.e. us!)

- Tiana :)






Thanks so much! I'll try hard to work on that!



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105 Reviews


Points: 195
Reviews: 105

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Tue Dec 13, 2016 12:43 pm
OreosAreLife wrote a review...



Hey XxPheonixKittenxX it's Oreos are for a review!
I'm honestly speechelss right now @XxPheonixKittenxX.
This was an incredible piece. I was not expecting the ending. I love how you used the word artist to describe whomever "you" is. All I have to say is I really loved this and I really hope to read more of your work in the future. I saw nothing wrong with this so congratulations on that! Your title really made me want to read this and when I did.... Lets just say you took me by surprise and that's a good thing. You're an amazing writer! Keep writing an I really do hope to see more of your work to read in the future!

Oreos :)






No worries my friend! There will be more stories soon!!!



OreosAreLife says...


Yay! I can't wait! :)





Same! I'm hoping for this one to be an amazing one for everyone to read!



OreosAreLife says...


It's not amazing it's incredible! :)



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94 Reviews


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Reviews: 94

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Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:58 am
deleted868 says...



Wow. I'm kind of blown away right now. The only thing I'd say is that I don't think that the quotations around princess, knight, and rock star, are necessary. I think this would be fine without them, because they could potentially distract the reader from your main point.




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73 Reviews


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Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:36 am
NightKaizer wrote a review...



HEELLO Phoenix Kitten,
A topic about an artist in suicide. I have to say, that last word really got me. At first, I thought this paragraph was about an artist who creates, well, art. But then again, a suicide method is a kind of art too huh.

I'm glad you didn't mention why the artist wants to suicide. That keeps the reader guessing. And I like how it's only one paragraph. Easier to read that way. Not many people will want to read long lines of text.

It's a happy story with a darker ending (AnnMath's point there). Portrays the darker side of art.

A Death Artist,

Night Kaizer




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8 Reviews


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Reviews: 8

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Tue Dec 13, 2016 1:56 am
AnnMath says...



A review's a comin'.

I kind of like the way you took a happy seeming story and turned dark in a beautiful way. At first it seems somewhat inspirational, but Wham! it's dark and shows you what people think during dark or depressing points in life.

AnnMath





Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx