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Twerk (A Poem From A Rapper's Point of View)

by Willard


Move those hips,

Shake that booty.

Better be big,

Big booty Judy.

Too much swag,

You can't control.

Too much dancing,

That I can't control.

Swaggity swag,

Swiggity swooty.

You must be on the rag,

Because you're moody.

I hit the clubs,

Blowing my money on molly.

I'm original,

Just like Buddy Holly.

Getting tired,

Take a nap.

Got to continue living my life,

As an untalented non intelligent piece of crap.

You can call me,

A$AP Rocky and Lil Wayne,

Justin Bieber and Kanye,

Even 2 Chains.


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Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:18 pm
Bellarke says...



This is the perfect poem!!!!! This makes sense, and it is like song lyrics. You did this perfectly.

You can call me,
A$AP Rocky and Lil Wayne,
Justin Bieber and Kanye,
Even 2 Chains.

This part was funny!!!




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Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:48 am
UnidreamXOXO says...



I rapped this song in my head!




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Tue Jan 03, 2017 3:17 am
MargoSeuss says...



Does anybody know what I meant when I wrote #Rugido Sol at the end of my review for this? I'm seriously freaked out because I have no idea why I would have written this.




fortis says...


I'm pretty sure it was a review day and that was probs your team :p



MargoSeuss says...


Ooooooooh! Gotcha. It means roaring sun in spanish. There goes my theory that I secretly spoke spanish.



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Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:44 am
Prokaryote says...



so bad bro

also how'd you get it back in the spotlight? it's old




Willard says...


Kaos liked it so other people started liking it



Prokaryote says...


cool i'll help



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Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:59 am
queenofscience says...



Woah! This is sooo awesome! I can totaly pitcher this being s song. Very creative. You do a good job at writing lyerics.I wonder where you got your insparation from?




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Sun Jan 01, 2017 3:39 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review on FRIDAY MORNING.

Honestly at first I thought that this was a set of lyrics due to the masterpiece that you have here, but it turns out to be a poem, so I'll review it as such. You don't really have any stanzas which is something that I would have liked to see and it would make the poem neater structurally so we know where things start and stop. I don't know why, but this poem reminded me of a rap.

I don't think that I liked this poem in terms of its message because it's giving the genre a bad rap. It seems to generalize rap and hip-hop as a whole genre and I didn't really like that part of it because this is more of what bad rap tends to do more than anything else. The message is something that's true for only parts of the genre and for the rest of it, it seems like you're really putting it down for no good reason.

The rhyme is something in the poem that isn't really consistent which is something that I would have liked to see, such as a rhyme scheme even if it's just a simple one. I don't know why, but this reminded me a lot of a rap. In the end of the poem you tend to throw out a lot of names like candy wrappers and I didn't really like that part of it and the poem just sort of tends to generalize on the things that are bad. If you're going to do something like this and pull a satire on us, I want to see it done more correctly and accurately.

Rather than going to the content for this sort of thing it looks like you just made up whatever the perception of rap is to people who don't listen to it. Sure, it's accurate in that it talks about dancing and partying and napping, but this poem is completely clean and doesn't happen to tackle anything else from the rap culture. I wanted to make a note before but I'll do it now, I haven't actually read the whole poem and I dislike it because it's objectifying people.

I also wanted to tackle that there's a lot more to rap than just that, not saying that I'm the biggest fan of it, but it does happen to tackle a lot of heavy issues in a different way than other music will. I encourage you to edit this and fix the ending because I didn't feel like you wrapped it up well enough. If you put a "Word" at end of the poem I think you would be doing much better at stating that you're done with writing the poem because if you don't I think others would be confused why you didn't keep going with it.

You've taken this from an outside perspective and I don't think you can say this for all of rap and it seems that you're only scratching the surface here. I'd like to see you edit through this and do a new draft where this doesn't feel like it's as much of a wrapped up broken hand and rather one that has healed. You can't say this for all of the genre and I don't think you accurately represent it so I suggest looking further into the content and doing more research before sitting down and eating your chicken wrap.

I'm wrapping it up there, I hope I helped and have a great day!




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Sun Jun 29, 2014 3:59 am
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MargoSeuss wrote a review...



Ollo, Strange. Margo Seuss here for a review. This poem caught my attention, as I enjoy writing and performing raps.

I quite like the first four lines of this. "Big Booty Judy" was probably my favourite line. I'm not sure if there is actually a person named this or if you fantasized the name. Props if you fantasized it. There are many rappers out there who seem to have a lot of words but not much to say. Most rap, I must admit, sounds more like a different language to me!

It drives me crazy how this site doesn't allow stanza formatting unless you put a dash between stanzas. I don't know if it's like that for just me or all YWS members. Anyway, I beleive you should put this poem into stanzas. I find stanzas organize the poem and make it easier on the eyes. I would also suggest simplifying the line "As an untalented non intelligent piece of crap." This line is a great zinger, but it's kind of a mouthful compared with your other lines. Maybe try something like this:
"Gettin tired; takin a nap,"
"Ain't got talents or smarts,"
"Cause I'm a piece of crap."
This is just a suggestion, so don't take it if you don't want to! To me, this poem seems as though it should be read as a rap. If it were to be performed, the original line might sound better as you could choose to read it faster to keep up with the beat of the poem. But, for the average reader, the lines read nicer when they are closer in syllables.

Take that trash rappers! (That exclamation would have been interesting if I had used the word wrappers instead of rappers).

#Rugido Sol




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Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:23 pm
Corncob wrote a review...



I agree. I like. Yet, the rhyming was off in places, the rhythm was strange, and it was rather inconsistent and hard to follow. Because of the agreeable ending and the decent rhyming and appropriate vocab for a rapper, I'll give you this rating:
7/10. Keep writing! I love your humorous pieces!
+1




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Sun Jan 26, 2014 5:48 pm
TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review...



I repeat, ahehehehehe! This really is funny, as I have little liking for rap music!
Just a quick question concerning the description-isn't Dr. Strangelove a cold war film, otherleywise entitled how I came to love the bomb, not fear it? (Everybody who reads this post will most likely groan at my likely ignorance)
More to the point GO RED TEAM!
Even more to the point, the lack of line breaks and stanzas and all that gubbins is really beneficial to the subject matter and message of this piece, as it emulates the fast paced continuous stream of mostly unintelligible words that is rap music.
Overall very good, really can't criticise, go red, keep up the good work, etc.
Take That You Fiend!
P.S. what is your avatar?




Willard says...


Joaquin Phoenix



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Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:59 am
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MooCowPoop says...



I love this so much. This is a very funny poem!

Quick thingmajig: the flow is a little weird, but whatever no need to fear.
I still think it's pretty funny, so it don't matter if it ain't flowing like honey.

See what I did there? : D ¡Adiós!




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Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:59 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, Strange.

First off, I totally understand what you are talking about in this poem. You are talking about how celebrities like Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Lil Wayne are like in their own little world. Cause I, for one, hate twerking. It's disrespectful and totally wrong, especially for children who liked Miley Cryus in Hannah Montana. What she did in the MTV Awards was not something she was suppose to do because she was a disney celeb.

Anyways, I laughed at the "swaggity swag" part. It was hilarious cx

All in all, I see no errors in this poem.

Keep up the good work, mi amigo c:

-K




AdmiralKat says...


I agree with you full heartly.



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Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:02 am
AEChronicle wrote a review...



(Removed....)




Willard says...


Why???



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Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:40 am
Shalie says...



This was very funny. "Swaggity swag, swiggity swooty. is my favorite lines. Though I have one issue. Justin Bieber don't belong. Heck, he don't belong in an art/music inc. Haha. I stoll loved this poem.




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Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:48 am
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MysteryMe wrote a review...



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Omg... so freaking funny. I, for one, HATE those famous rappers with their huge egos, and you made fun of them in the best way ever. At first I didn't know that you were actually making fun of them, and I sort of started to hate you a little bit (don't take it personally), until I read the line "As an untalented non intelligent piece of crap." Then I burst out laughing. I reread the entire thing after that, and this time I totally understood how were mocking them. It was priceless... XD.

"Move those hips,

Shake that booty.

Better be big,

Big booty Judy."


"Swaggity swag,

Swiggity swooty."

When I read those lines I nearly jumped off a cliff... you don't understand how glad I was to find out that you were joking... XD XD XD.

Anyway, nice job. You, my friend, are very funny ;)




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Sat Jan 18, 2014 8:04 pm
supernb says...



big booty judy! 2 broke girls fan eh? ;)




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Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:42 pm
Gravity says...



Sorry, I'm not a fan of rap. I dislike the way that most rap disrespects women, and I just don't like it when women's bodies are objectified. It seems like everybody else liked this, I hate to be a party pooper but it's not my thing.

Sorry.




Willard says...


This wasn't rap though. I have no disrespect towards women. I guess, you can always look through a cover and judge



Willard says...


Did you actually read the whole thing?





Yeah I did. I understand you weren't actually trying to be disrespectful. I guess I'm just a prude and I just simply don't like a woman's body to be described in that way. The majority of rap (I'm not saying this poem) talks about how sexy a woman is and how a man is in love with this woman for her body but it isn't love because the rapper never mentions her personality. So yeah, I'm just kinda used to that. I'm really prone to take stuff like this the wrong way. I'm re-reading it now and I see that you were actually making fun of that lifestyle. So kudos to you. The first part just kinda blinded me and made me angry. I suddenly like this a lot more, so thanks. :)



Willard says...


That's okay :D Everyone keeps calling me sexist because they haven't read the whole thing



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Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:08 pm
GreenLight24 says...



BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is priceless! LMAO.

I'm actually a legit rapper (no my flows arent like this lol). Check me if u guys r up for good music: https://soundcloud.com/mcmartinhelloworld

Whoever wrote this is a comedic genius! Way to get it! XD




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Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:33 pm
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Renard wrote a review...



LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

This is the funniest thing I have read.
It reminds me of the works of @pengtingking. XD Lulz

Just so funny. XD

'Swaggity swag,

Swiggity swooty.

You must be on the rag,

Because you're moody.'

This was my favourite part, because you have perfect handle on the terminology, on taking the mickey, on pointing out the traditional sort of things mentioned in such music.
These comic observations are superb.

Stay groovy.

Keep writing awesomesauce works. :)

-high five-




Willard says...


The ever great pengtingking





Of course -bows-



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Sun Oct 27, 2013 11:21 pm
Niraco wrote a review...



The irony here is what makes this poem all the more funny. I saw the title and thought this needs to be read. Glad I did. As I read along each line I found myself laughing more harder. It is one of the few times a poem has had me in tears of laughter. Well done.

One of my favourite lines has to be:

Swaggity swag,

Swiggity swooty


This is what really set of my chain of giggles. Awesome job you've done here!




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Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:37 pm
Wonder says...



This was pretty funny, even though I love rap music...but it depends on the rapper and the song. Some rappers are total jokes though ^-^ Some are completely awesome.

Bye now,
Wonder




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 10:06 pm
Paracosm wrote a review...



Hey Hero! Nice bit of satire here. I didn't catch too many problems with the rhyme, and you did a pretty good job keeping a rhythm you might run into in a rap song. At times, the lines ran a little long, and that was where the rhythm was off.

You may want to consider revising the end. Towards the end the beat starts to go down hill. It's still pretty good, but since this is all in the name of poking fun at hacks, you could keep it that way and make it self-deprecating, in a sense.

Nicely done! This was genuinely funny, and it does bring to light a lot of what's wrong with rap as a genre. Keep writing!




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:34 am
Gummy wrote a review...



Hello, Gummy's my name and I'm here to review~

I'm a huge fan of poems where the entire thing is an allusion to a certain theme, and even the diction reflects what the poem actually sells itself to be~

Speaking of allusions, the references to commonly seen pop, hip-hop, and rap artists sort of spice up the whole thing and show that you have, in fact, researched the matter you're writing, on and I admire you for that. :)

There's barely anything I can point out that stood out as "out of place", since the work never strayed from the theme, and I don't want to get personal and give you a bad rating just because I'm not that into the whole "swag" thing. This is an awesome piece, and, since you took the liberty of rating my work, I'll just go ahead and rate yours. Have a 9/10 :)




Willard says...


It's a satire :D This is poking fun at how utterly tasteless they are :D I 100000000000000000000000000000% hate swag. Thanks for the review



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Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:25 am
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Knight Dragon, here to bestow a review on Review Day!

"Too much dancing,

That I can't control."

The rhythm starts to break down here.

"Blowing my money on molly." This line's too long. Maybe get rid of the "my"; it feels better that way.

It needs some work, but other than that it feels like it has a pretty good rhythm hiding down there, just waiting to be released.

Hope this helps!




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:49 am
LoveIsInTheAir says...



My name is in this. Yes. I am now in love with this 'poem', Bwuahaahaa now let's keep reviewing team blue!




Willard says...


This didn't count as a review





I know, but I still felt like commenting on my fellow writers poem



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Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:04 pm
Gardevite says...



Ohh my. XD This is hilarious!




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Sat Sep 28, 2013 5:53 am
robertsoad says...



This poem is, I take it, interesting and fan in terms of its scientific significance...Keep writing : )





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— Audrey Hepburn