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Muggles Gone Wild

by Willard


a/n: something I wrote for Writing Olympics a while back.



A scrawny boy with a slight hunch, Jon looks like a drug addicted Harry Potter. For some reason, he would appreciate that comparison. Not because he had a slight addiction to Adderall, but for the fact that Harry Potter is his hero.

High school was tough for him. While he managed to survive school with a 3.2 GPA, his peers would bully him for his unusual obsession with J.K. Rowling and the characters she created. One time, they even tattooed a picture of the author on his stomach while he slept. His retaliation eventually accumulated into a bomb threat that led to his expulsion. It made local news for three days.

Now, Jon spends all his time time plotting another revenge plan. Well, fifty percent of his time.

The other half consists of him working at the local library. Sure, it gives him time to reread The Half Blood Prince for the fifteenth times, but it also allows for him to be by books that give him "special ideas".

"You're clinically insane," Grace, one of his coworkers, says to him as he rigged booby traps in the YA section.

"I am not insane at all; just too smart for my enemies," he grunts under his breath. The way he set it up involves all the John Green hardcovers falling from overhead with enough impact to break one's spine. Once the subject is down, Jon would pelt them with his homemade 'Enchanted Snowballs'. They are, as he would say, "an unique creation that Goddess Rowling and God Potter would both approve".

In reality, they are glass ornaments covered with cotton balls and filled with hydrochloric acid. Sarah, with a confused look, has a problem with comprehending what is going on.

"This is deadly, right?"

"Of course, silly goose," his response has a joyous snark.

"I see... I see... alright, question. Why the hell are you doing this today?"

"Master Potter and Servant Weasley told me to do so. They told me something's coming. Something dangerous and life threatening. I need to be a hero. I need to show that I'm not a muggle."

"I think you need to realize tha-"

Jon suddenly cuts her off. He lifts his head high and lets go an ear-gratingly loud raptor screech, causing Grace to fall back in shock. He quickly assumes the position of a lion seeking prey. Every kid around the YA section stand in silence as they witness Jon stare down a random man. The man is wearing a plain, black hoodie.

"Jon. Long time no see. Um, I apologize for what I did back in high school. It was wrong and immoral."

The random stranger ends up being Ethan Klay, a fellow classmate of Jon. While it was a group plan to give Jon the Rowling tattoo, Ethan was actually the one who tattooed it. Unsurprisingly, his craftsmanship was so spot on that he was offered an Art scholarship to a local liberal arts college. Rumor has it that he did every wrinkle so well, the tattoo will come alive on Tuesday nights.

"I will never forgive you, you ruined my life! It's because of you that I can't be happy in life!" There was fire in his eyes, fueled by anger and chocolate bars. His health is slowly deteriorating at this point.

"You e-mailed me death threats weeks before that even happened. Look, I understand you had a rough time. But I need you to understand that we all make mistakes. We are both in the wrong. Please, please realize that what happened was in the past. I have nothing against you." There is fear in Ethan's voice. He knows what he did was wrong, and turned down the scholarship. He even paid for the damages, and the tattoo.

Jon is less than amused. He has been waiting for this moment since Senior Year. It is time for him to give Ethan what he deserves.

Right as all this is going through his head, Ethan notices the Enchanted Snowballs.

"What is this," he picks one up, "are you trying to kill me? These are Anarchist-grade weapons. I told you I'm sorry!"

He throws one over to Jon's direction lightly. Jon jumps back.

"You throw another Enchanted Snowball at me and we're going to have a problem!"

Jon approaches Ethan to attack, but within two steps, he triggers the John Green booby trap. His head goes straight into the lap as he tries to embrace the impact. The novels land straight on his back, luckily avoiding his spinal area. Ethan quickly runs away, and Grace helps Jon back up.

"Are you okay? That seemed like attempted suicide."

"It really wasn't. Just a bad try to get unnecessary payback."

They clean up the mess that was made. While they picked up all the books, they put a rug over the hydrochloric acid and glass mixture. The thought of him murdering someone haunts him. While it never did before, this time he wasn't the only person playing victim. A part of him wants to apologize if he ever did anyone wrong, which he probably has. Another part wonder what would have happened if he didn't antagonize others. The final part of him is tempted to put Anthrax in Ethan's mailbox, but he tries his best to ignore that.


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Tue Oct 25, 2016 6:58 pm
DeadlyAF says...



Although there are some grammatical errors, this story will be a great and relatable read for everyone who has read books like Harry Potter! It was brilliant!




Willard says...


Everyone is an adderall addicted nerd? Radical.



DeadlyAF says...


Everyone who's read harry potter is living in a fantasy land in their heads. >.><.<



Willard says...


This isn't fantasy, this is real life.



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Mon Oct 24, 2016 3:56 pm



This is plain brilliant .




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Mon Oct 24, 2016 3:50 pm
Sharon1407 wrote a review...



Actually, you can call this whatever you like.. a review or a comment or praise, whatever.. That's because I just can't find any flaw in it. It is realistic although executed in a manner that seems a bit off the track. It's more like magic realism. But it's not. It's ORIGINAL. And that's what matters. It deals with an issue which is I think pretty much ignored these days. But that slight touch of fantasy is just remarkable. It is a great work. I wouldn't call it beautiful though but very very fascinating. Thank you:)




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Sun Oct 23, 2016 7:12 pm
Hattable wrote a review...



Ay, yo, Willard! I'm always excited to see some prose from you, and since I didn't think you'd respond to a direct message asking about the first part I'm gonna mention here, I decided to give you a short little review. Helps everyone, y'know. :^)

So you introduce Grace and then suddenly mention Sarah, and then Grace is back; are there three characters present or did you mix up the girl's name?

There're some grammatical mistakes sprinkled about, but nothing major. Little things, like "a fellow classmate of Jon." that should be "a fellow classmate of Jon's.", and "it gives him time to reread The Half Blood Prince for the fifteenth times" having a lost little 'S' at the end of "fifteenth times".

All-in-all, though, it was an entertaining little read. That Jon is an absolute madman, huh?!
I liked the bit about the rumor that the tattoo comes to life on Tuesday nights.

I'm not entirely sure how to compliment or critique writing, clearly; I apologize.

- this has been Hatt





"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites