Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Bye all,
As this is my final day.
Bon voyage World,
As I'm about to sail away.
Today is my final day,
As I am done.
My life,
Has been overdrawn.
50 feet above Earth,
Going six feet under.
Hear my cry,
Roll of thunder.
People who loved me,
Are going to be Mr. Jones;
Sitting in their apartments,
Counting crows.
Don't get it wrong,
I love them too.
They don't understand,
I'm through.
Those family dinners,
Didn't mean anything.
I wonder,
What Hell brings?
Spiced fruitcake,
Jellybeans and casserole.
What's so wrong about Hell?
Look what it holds.
I'm basically Montag,
Burning down the house.
My importance to the world,
Is as small as a mouse.
My legs are dangling,
Like bodies in a tree;
Wrongfully done,
But let them be.
I'm not jumping,
That wouldn't be fun
. I could still survive,
And that will be dumb.
Instead, I got a gun.
Not just any normal gun,
But a T-Shirt one.
I'm a sick bastard,
Just to do that.
It shows I still have heart,
And that's a fact.
One last word,
To all people viewing my death;
Right before I came up here,
I left six million dollars at-
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Canary word: Present
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139,337 Literary Works • 672,537 Reviews
hey there
so first , i wanna say that i enjoyed reading your poem very much , every part was so defferent and unique.
let me start with the title , it was good but it's kinda usual , i prefer a catchy title especially for a good poem like this one.
now for theme , it was a simple idea but i liked the way you treated it , and gave it interest.
the words of your poem or the language was easy but powerful and meaningful in the same time.
i liked how you started and finished your work , so catchy
" That wouldn't be fun
. I could still survive,
And that will be dumb.
Instead, I got a gun. "
.also those descriptions and imagery gave this piece a nice touch. the punctuation's good , no errors , so it was a good work in general
keep writing
Hi there! Here to review this wonderful poem.
Wow. This is very powerful. I couldn't stop reading once I started.
I would tell you my favorite line, but then I'd have to quote the entire poem. But I'll pick one that really wowed me:
I loved every word and the flow was really nice. Normally I'd point out errors, but I can't find any here. Sorry I couldn't be much help there! Nicely done!
OH MY GOD IT IS A POEM MY STUPID IPOD MADE IT TO A PARAGRAPH. I FEEL SO STUPID. I AM SORRY!!
Actually, it accidentally went to a paragraph at first so I edited it and you started the review before I edited it so it's not your fault
*wipes head* Aha, well now I feel silly. Heh. Seriously though, fabulous. Fabulous.
Hey there, Strange!
Also does this have violence or mature themes or language in? I'd give it a 12 perhaps with the content of death and stuff, but that'd be me overexaggerating. Maybe I'm just evil. Hm. Just I'm 14, and this is 18 so you know. I kept up fine. ;D
Right, before we get to the good stuff, let's get the constructive criticism out of the way!
So does this fall into poetry? I'd think more short story personally, but I don't have the list of categories
Right, now that's out of the way, I can congratulate you on this absolutely splendid piece of work.
It actually had me captivated word for word an trust me, that doesn't happen often unless I'm reading a fabulous book or epic piece of work
I loved how you said:
"50 feet above earth about to go 6 feet under" Something along those lines and I just stopped reading and was like "... Wow." then carried on.
Fabulous, seriously.
Your ideas are great and I also have to say I like how you've written the end, cutting off in midsentence which is EXACTLY what happens in death! So I'd give you a blasted MEDAL if I had one labled: "Understands Death" and maybe a Waterstones voucher too.
But I won't get into that, so overall well done, my friend and you are flippin' awesome!
-CFG
(PS I apologise for stupid typos, on an iPod and it's hard >_<)
Shock or what?
This is [insert profanity here] brilliant! I'm too intimidated to write a review.