There you are, with a rubber fist. The past fades slowly, in the mist.
You're having fun, in a gorilla party. Here I am, covered in feces.
Raise my glass, to the time you cheated. You better blow him, because he got overheated.
Am I sorry? Just shove it. I'm disappointed in myself, I have to admit.
You shoved that fist, down my throat. At my dinner party, on a boat.
Oh hell did we sink. Or I didn't, don't you think?
I have some words for you. It rhymes with Glove Choo.
I still hate your guts. Happy Valentine's day!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hey there, Strange! Happy Review Day!
Anyways, on to the actual review. You have a view reviews already but I figured I would add to what they said since I had some extra thoughts that weren't mentioned by the previous reviewers. First of all, this was cute in a really quirky way -- there's always something about bitter Valentine posts that really make me smile (yikes). But this isn't as cliché as most bitter holiday posts usually are, so I applaud you on your uniqueness.
So, nitpick wise, just a few things. There's a couple grammatical errors here and there, but nothing you wouldn't notice if you went over it, so we'll just skip over that. Content wise, this was funny. You had a really great rhythm going on in the first couple lines and you lost that about halfway through, so I think if you could rewrite and work on reincorporating that into the rest of the poem, it would really improve it. That's just an opinion, though.
Be careful with your punctuation; some periods here should be question marks, etc. Also just maybe try and come up with a more creative last couple lines, because the beginning was really funny, unique, and "wham" and then it just died out. For me, anyways.
Overall, this made me laugh
xoxo Crookshanks
Hehe. This is the last work in the Green Room. Don't feel bad, though, it's not because your work is bad! I liked your poem very much! I have nothing to say about the format, just the lack of punctuation. If you took this out of poem form and read it, there would be a lot of run-ins. Proper punctuation adds to the flow and helps keep the rhythm consistent. Other than that, I didn't see anything wrong with it! I love the line where you said "I have some words for you, they rhyme with Glove Choo". This was a very frank, very straight-up poem about the aftermath of a breakup that I, at least, can relate to (in a way). I think it's in general very relatable. So you did a great job, and as always, keep writing!
Ooooooooooooooooh
'A giggling gaggle of tickle me Elmos, you're full of crap like a commercial, Logos, Ethos, and Pathos.' This is so unusual, but also highly intelligent. I < 3 Elmo. XD
Anyways, a great start.
Gorillas in the mist???? Oooh and feces should be 'faeces.'
'Am I sorry? Just shove it. I'm disappointed in myself, I have to admit.' This is a brilliant line for voice. Absolutely demented but loveable.
'I still hate your guts. Happy Valentine's day!' Best oxymoronic line I have read.
Congrats on another weird and wonderful work.
Gonna go read some more from you.
Keep writing
~BSF
Hey Strange, Subtle here for a review. So I'm not going to pretend I understand anything because I don't. Except that this is probably about. Crappy valentines day or a crappy something that turned out bad. As you can see, I suck at interpreting poems. But I like this poem, becaus is an odd, random poem with great humor and rhythm in it.
Would you be so kind as to explain to me, what this is about?
-S.s