Don't Speak: Random Part

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...not the kind of thing I was expecting from that title, but well, this is a very shocking and very powerful first part here. It really hits home quite strongly and brings across a rather powerful message here with what its trying to say.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Bret stood there. His crazy blond hair flying everywhere in that old warehouse, my only picture of Daniel grasped in his hands, the one Lisa took at the B&B in the garden. Damien held me against him, his arms wrapped around me; I screamed and tried to get away. Damien squeezed me tighter as if telling me to shut up. I couldn’t, I couldn’t let go; not yet.

Okayy...this is a very interesting moment to start with here. Its a bit difficult to pinpoint exactly where this is going here, but there's certainly enough going on here that it is pretty intriguing from the little clues that we get of this mysterious picture and someone trying to make this person not see said picture.

“Please Damien! Let me just have this! Please!” I cried, I felt like the tears were everlasting and if this happened I would never forgive Damien, as if I ever could anyway. I screamed, I kicked, a punched, I did whatever I could to get away from Damien. I pinched his arm but it did nothing to make him let go, then I remember the scare behind his ear Daniel gave him, I reached my arms up quickly grasping his ear, pulling on the earlobe and digging my nail into the crusted blood behind his ear.

He yelled pushing me to the ground and cradling his ear, I crawled over to Bret as quickly as possible to only have Damien pulling me back to the other side of the warehouse by my leg. I tried grabbing anything, anything I could throw at either of them. Damien picked me up pinning my hands behind my back and clutching my jaw to make my head turn towards Bret holding the picture.

Oh wow, well I thought this was going to be a bit more of an emotional scene with this person trying to provide comfort of some sort, but wow, this one managed to take quite the turn here and go into a proper fight right there and now it seems like this person is in a bit of danger here....well, this certainly is getting off to a very intriguing start with situations like this one.

“Say good bye to him Beth, he’s never coming back for you” Damien spat in my ear. I cried but I knew I couldn’t win, I starred at Bret and he took out his lighter. The bright red plastic gleamed in the sunlight and the rays falling from the roof seemed to quiver in the air in a peculiar why. I strange smell wafted passed my nose making me winkle it. Oh god! The wavy sun beams, the strange smell!

“Bret! Stop” I yelled, I knew the moment I said something Damien immediately knew it as well, he pulled us back behind a crate, as Bret pulled down on the spark wheel and pushed down on the fork. Bret busted into flames, along with the picture and everything on the one end of the warehouse. A bright flash and the sound of flames crackling away hit like a freak storm. Damien picked me up pulling me over his shoulder as he booked it out of there.

Well...that escalated even more than I though it would. Oh wow, this is really creating a very powerful moment here and I love strong this start is so far. It really manages to catch your attention as a reader cause you can see some genuine raw emotions going on as this horrible act is in progress.

Bret screamed and his flesh tore from the heat of the flames. His body un-recognisable in seconds and only an ashed body stood there, fists clenched, shaking, screaming, and cursing. I fought against Damien, screaming as well. Not only was my only memory gone of Daniel, but Damien just left one of his best friends to burn alive! How could he do that?!

“Damien! We have to go back and help him!” I screamed, he pushed me into the back seat of his pickup truck, slamming the door and locking me in. All the little lock bolts fell under the car doors away from my reach locking me internally, it wasn’t like that before the school dance, Damien must have changed it when he came for us.

Well...an extra bit of a cliffhanger and just a very gruesome image there to end this piece on here. You've certainly managed to do a very powerful job with regards to that here and that does make this a really strong opening piece here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think you've done a really good job on this start. Especially with the emotions of this moment and describing how this horrible act is committed. Its a powerful moment that brings across some interesting questions for sure...and it makes for a good start.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry