Walking through the hallways was usually my only escape. It was a time when I was alone. I loved to think that I was just another girl at school, walking through the hallways. In some ways I was, to people who didn’t know me and people who didn’t care or pay attention to Damien. I was just another girl, and I loved that feeling. I was normal. I was just another girl, but in reality life was not that simple.
Teenagers swarmed the hallways, the noise was loud and demanding, some voices carried better than the others. Talking about their boyfriends and talking about their parents. I clicked my tongue, and pushed past a couple of girls standing in the middle of the hallway. I didn’t look back at them because I knew I would get dirty looks, and I was pissed off as it was already, with Damien’s little stunt at lunch and Math class with Mr. Bull. Then again, there was that new kid, what was his name? Daniel? He would have to find a group at this school.
Kids in this school stayed in there clicks and didn’t really talk to anyone outside of them. I guess my click was the jocks, since that was Damien’s friends and he dragged me around everywhere with him anyway. I let it stay that way, and then I would be less noticed even though that never really worked out. My closest friend at school was Keara, everyone in the school loved Keara. She was so fun and had such a bubbly personality, and always very optimistic. She didn’t really have a click, she kind of hung out with everyone.
We had two textbooks in Math and one in English, then again with binders, and everything else. I guess my arms should feel like this, as if they were about to fall off. I scrambled over to my locker, fidgeting with the lock till it came undone. As I lifted my arms out to put all my stuff in, I felt a strong blow hit my side and my books tumbled through my hands and to the floor, me falling along with it all. I grabbed my side as it throbbed with a sharp pain. I heard a snap and a bright light blinded me and a rapidly closed my eyes.
“Nicely done Beth! This will look great in the year book,” Laughter followed from Bret’s mouth. I looked up to see Bret and Brandon, Bret standing there with a textbook which was obviously what he used to kill my side, and Brandon with the camera. My friends. My Click. They were the jocks; they took all the easy courses like yearbook and foods so they could focus on football and Rugby. Just like Damien.
“Don’t be so rude you Jerk!” Brandon said as he laughed, I tried to smile to make it seem like I didn’t feel so momentarily scared by this. Brandon looked down at me sincerely and helped me up.
“He can be a jerk sometimes, eh?” Brandon asked, I faked a laugh and have Brandon gave me a weird look.
“Ya… he can be” I answered, Brandon turned back to Bret and showed him the picture of me, I stood there awkwardly as I put my books in my locker, they hollered loudly. I bit my lip, closing my locker and turning back to them.
“Another classic!” Bret said as he glared at me and smirked. Another common saying regarding me and more laughter followed. I am very clumsy and shy willed, so I end up doing a lot of stuff like this.
“This will look great in the year book” Brandon exclaimed, he shoot me a look and a quick wink. I knew he wouldn’t let Bret put it in. I walked off with my coat; I wouldn’t scoop down to Bret’s level. I had hated him since the first day he came to Winter, he always thought he was so cool, and amazing and made fun of anyone that he believed was below him.
“Beth!” Damien yelled. I froze and closed my eyes. I could feel his body pressing up against mine.
“You should wear your coat if you’re going out.” Damien said, he grabbed my coat and I could feel him easing it on to my arms and up my shoulders. His hands were cold on my bear arms, when he had the jacket on me; he set his hands on my hips holding me. I grabbed his wrists and pushed him away. When I finally opening my eyes, his face was inches from my mine. I took a step back only to have him take a step forward.
“Stop” I urged. Tears swelled up in my eyes. No, please… This can’t happen… I hate crying this much… At the time it seemed really stupid how much I had cried in the last year. I was never happy. Once in a while, a friend could get a smile out of me, but usually to smile or giggle was a force of nature on controlled by my will to fit in. If I was supposed to laugh, I would. He backed away, grabbing my hand and led me toward the parking lot. His rusty black pickup truck stood there as strong as it could, you could see the grey metal from were patching of paint had peeled off. We moved towards it, my feet rubbing against the sole of my shoes. His hands roughly clenched around my dry wrist; I felt a serge weight pulling me like shackles on a prisoner.
Wasn’t that how I described the new boy? A master and a slave? Luckily for the new boy his only master was his mind. I had Damien to deal with as well as my screwed up thoughts.
The car ride was short and luckily so. I saw a large brick building form beside the truck. A neon sign blinking uncontrollably and a blue door swung in and out. I looked at the curved blue neon tubes that formed the familiar words that slowed my heart and made me feel more secure in his presence.
Diner.
He got out of the truck slamming the door and gently re-opening mine. He always seemed to have mood swings, one minute he was fierce and demanding like a captor to his captive and other moments he was as gentile as a textile fabric that is soft against your skin, something you would never be scared of. I easily took his hand, and he led me into the Diner. I didn’t want to seem too distant, like me, he had a past, a history that hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt him more by rejecting him. No matter what happened to me.
The diner was the one place in town that had a bit of history to it, the 60’s seemed stuck in this little building like a song bird stuck in a cage. The loud swing music blared, and soft red cushioned chairs lined the sides of the building. A burger bar sat in the middle, with sugar frosted cups, burgers and fries and order slips being slashed to dash. Servers were in blue 60’s dresses and roller skates; they were talking to the customers and laughing with joy. I smile tipped the side of my mouth as I looked at the topiary bush as we were led to a table. The diner was as busy as always, teens came here just like they did in the decades before, with there friends ordering milkshakes and onion rings.
We sate down comfortably, him on one side of the table me on the other, I picked up a menu and glanced at the pages, I knew what I wanted but this gave me something to do so Damien would keep quite. I flipped the pages lightly, my fingers gripping the side of the page and jilted it to the other side, for me to only find more options for me to order. The menu never changed.
“So.” Damien started, I knew this was coming, only a few months till high school was over. He wanted a plan, for us to move in… move away… I didn’t even know anymore, I didn’t want to know. I looked up annoyed; maybe if I did he would wait till later to talk about this.
I looked up, but I didn’t look into his eyes, I couldn’t, I never felt like I could look him in the eyes. They scared me, I thought if I did, I would feel something for him, something more them sympathy and anger. I didn’t want to feel more for him, I was too scared to feel more.
“I think we should move to Montreal. I want to go to McGill for university, we both can” He said, I looked out the window noticing a silvery blue corvette parking outside the Diner. We never saw fancy cars like that in small town Winter, Saskatchewan. The car parked easily, the door opened and Daniel stepped out. My heart skipped a beat. His auburn hair flew with the wind and his leather jacket perfectly molded to his muscular frame. A movie perfect moment. I felt a strong hand grab my jaw, and wiped my head forward. Damien sat there looking at innocent as ever.
Damien’s straight black hair was cut short and gelled at the tips. His yellow dressed shirt was crumpled and you could finely see his white under shirt underneath. He was a good looking guy but he still disgusted me, and made me feel as queasy as my memories. A smile stretched across his face, a face untouched by age. In fact, none of him looked affected by age at all. His shoulders were broad, and his chin quite defined. Every girl in school was after him, yet he wanted me as his victim.
“Did you hear me love?” He raged fiercely. I nodded and he let me go. I heard the door open and the small chimes above them ringing delightfully. I could hear Daniel as he walked through the diner and towards us. Damien looked up and his smile widened.
“Dan! My man!” They slapped hands, and Daniel sat down beside Damien and across from me. I was so shocked. I didn’t know they knew each other. I guess they must have had classes together after Mr. Bulls. He looked at me strongly, his dark blue eyes darting into mine. It was if he saw something in me. Something nobody else could see. Maybe it was happiness, or maybe it was courage.
“You’re Elizabeth, right?” Daniel asked me. I looked at him, was he truly interested? He really confused me; I had never met someone like him, someone I couldn’t read. His eyes told me nothing, they looked sad but happy at the same time, and it was as if his whole life was held in those eyes. Those dark blue eyes.
“Uh… yes. You can call m-me Beth” I staggered. The consoler at school thought I had a speech problem, but I only stuttered when Damien was around, when I could feel his presence. Usually he would wait for me outside the consoler’s office. So I always knew he was there. Damien glared at me and grabbed my hand. I tried to pull it away but he gripped it and held my hand in his, digging his finger nails in my palm to warn me not to try that again. The waitress came to our table and asked for our order. Damien spoke for us all and ordered two chocolate milkshakes, a glass of water, three cheese burgers, and a large order of fries.
“So Dan, how do you like Winter, Saskatchewan so far?” Damien asked, he was still holding my hand.
“It’s small… very small” Daniel answered and leaned back in the booth and sighed, resting his head on the back of the seat.
“W-why did you move here?” I asked, he looked up at me and smiled. I shrank back in the red leather cushion.
“This is where my only family is left. My parents died a couple years ago, and my god mother died last week. My grandma lives here in town” He answered.
“I’m sorry” I said. I looked at him directly. I didn’t stutter. My breath quickened, and my heart danced in my chest. This guy was like no one I had ever met. I felt something for him. I noticed the gentleness in his ways. The way he had sat down, the way he looked at me. As if he was trying to figure me out as well. Damien let go of my hand, and look pulled out his phone. I pulled my hand towards me, and rubbed it where he had dug his nails. Three tiny marks looked engraved in my skin. Damien frowned.
“I have to go you guys. Bret needs me” Daniel stood up to let Damien out, Damien walked to my side of the table and laid a quick kiss on my cheek, it was like a brand being burned into my skin. It was him officially marking me as if having to tell Daniel to back off. I could still feel the kiss as he walked away, burning into my skin.
“Take her home for me, will ya?” Damien asked Daniel, Daniel nodded and Damien strutted out the door.
End of chapter
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140,522 Literary Works • 673,294 Reviews
I think what you need to focus on for the next chapter you write is grammar. Mostly, you should focus on dialogue because you don't seem to understand how it works.
This is how you write it:
"I'm sorry" I said.
This is the proper way:
"I'm sorry," I said.
Dialogue isn't a special part of literature that doesn't use punctuation. You need something there and most of the time it's a comma. Some examples:
"Sally is going shopping," John said.
"Sally is going shopping!" John yelled.
"Sally is going shopping." John walked away.
If it has a dialogue tag (ie- he said, she screamed, etc) then it needs a comma. Unless you use something else, such as a question mark or an exclamation mark, it needs a comma. If there is no dialogue tag, and an action follows afterwards, use a period. That is the third example. If this didn't make much sense, feel free to look it up, but I think you should take the time to educate yourself.
Also, to keep in mind, try to make your story seem less cliche and fake. The part where she falls because someone takes a picture of her is lame at best. She didn't slip on anything, no one pushed her, so why is she falling? Try to make it more believable. That way, more people can relate to the story. I do hope this was of some help!
I figured the easiest way to do this was to quote the whole thing a notate it. So here's my review:
clicheA little choppy right here
incorrect grammar in red
clarify
This whole thing right here is actually really good
Use of description is really good here
[/quote]
I figured the easiest way to do this was to quote the whole thing a notate it. So here's my review:
A little choppy right here