Don't Speak: Chapter Six

Daniel and I rushed through the hallways, my backpack nearly falling off as we sprinted around the last corner and towards the main doors. The doors swung open then slammed behind us as we raced towards Daniel’s car. A smile spread across my face, something more genuine then I had felt for a very long time.

Daniel pulled out his keys and we heard the locks click and the car lights flashed. It looked ready for us, like it knew we were coming, but that stupid right? Well; Maybe Daniel knew we would be coming out here.

I walked over to the passenger car door, and Daniel walked to the driver’s side. Our eyes never leaving each other, both of us boring deep into each other’s souls trying to figure out our emotions at this moment. He looked happy and a little daring. Yet, I still trusted him. I think.

My heart pounded heavily, a deep adrenaline rush hit me hard. I was scared; it was a new type of scared, but never before had I felt so alive and free.

We sat in the parking lot for about ten minutes till we heard the first bell ring for school to re-start, Daniel gazed over at me, and raised an eyebrow in question. I smiled and did a quick nod; he turned the keys and the engine revved, ready to hit the open road. We weren’t sure where we were going or how long it would take us to go there but we just drove.

I didn’t understand these feeling I had towards Daniel, it was like nothing I had every really experienced.

I had first met Damien at a party. Of course I saw him in the halls at school, but never really talked. He had come over and started talking to me, I was really flattered and I had been in a daring mood. I wanted to do something that wasn't like me, so I flirted back. We hooked up at that party, which in my books is a little bit of kissing. I wanted to reach out of my comfort zone, which really took me all night, I was at the party from like 5pm to 2am, and we didn’t kiss till about 1am.

I had a strong connection to him; at the time I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad so I just went for it. About a month into the relationship I knew the feeling I had for him were bad, I was scared of him, I feared him. Damien knew it before I did and took advantage of that, and made me into what I am today. Even I don't know what that is anymore.

Then there was Daniel. I didn’t know what he and I had. Was it a friendship or more? I felt the deeper more than friendship connection with him. I smiled to myself in the car, as we reached the highway. Yes; I had a crush on him. I couldn’t ruin this friendship though, no matter what, I wanted him to be my friend even if it meant giving up my wish to be more. I had to accept that maybe he wouldn’t want that, and if I brought it up I would ruin everything. Simple Solution: be his friend and don’t bring it up till he did. There was something about him too, something that gave my confidence around him. All I knew was that he was changing me for the better; and I liked that, I really liked that.

“How ‘bout we go to Saskatoon for the night? Go to some clubs, I know a few bouncers that would let us in” Daniel suggested.

“That’s sounds perfect almost, but where will we stay tonight? I have no money” Daniel looked at me and pulled his wallet out of pocket and threw it to my side of the car. I opened to find it stuffed full of cash, a debit card and credit card.

“My parents estate is frozen till I turn eighteen this July, but my parents stocked my bank full of money all the time so if there bank account got hacked we would have money to fall back on, so I’m not exactly poor till I’m eighteen” Daniel said, I counted the bills to find about two hundred dollars there, and slowly started to shake my head.

“I can’t accept this, I could never pay you back” I stuttered, my father and I usually didn’t have any money, Damien offered to pay for me most of the time and I only accepted because I really wanted to go and I didn’t care if I spent his money. It was Damien anyways.

“Beth, you don’t have to pay me back, I don’t care…” Daniel started,

“But I do! And one day if say our friendship ended, then you would blame me for the loss of money, or ask for it back and I would never be able to pay you…” I wanted to go home; maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

I started trembling in my seat and held on to door handle. Knuckles turning white, they started to shake too. Daniel looked at me and his jaw dropped. He looked forward and moved one hand off the wheel and held my hand that was gripping the side of the seat. He rubbed it softly prying it off the leather seat and held it in his hand. I started to relax, pulling my hand off the door handle and staring at him. His face was relaxed now, and he had a little grin tipping the side of his mouth. He held my hand and rubbed my index finger with his thumb.

“I would never do that Beth. If I say I will pay for something, I’m not going to back lash you if we get in a fight. Damien may do something like that, but I never would, I promise you that” I he looked at my now, deeply starting into my eyes. I finally understood. I was comparing him to Damien, expecting he would do things like Damien. That’s the thing though, he was nothing like him.

“I want to go home.” I said calmly. Daniel looked down and forced his hand away from mine. His eyes hit the road again and he turned around.

Spiders. Everywhere. In the trailer. In my bed. In my hair. They grew, faster, and faster. I screamed, but my shrieks were deafened out by the thrilling screeches of the eight legged creatures, and nobody could hear me. They stood outside my bedroom window; laughing, pointing and staring. Bret and his crew. My father; and Damien. He stood right by the window, laughing and looking through the window and I scrambled over trying to open it. I ran to the door to notice it was locked too. The spider grew and I could see their eyes all directed towards me. They bobbed up and down and scurried over to me. I pulled my hands up over my face and screamed. All went dark.

I woke with a heavy sweat drenching my face. A dim crimson light blinked in the kitchen area of the trailer. I looked around. The door to my father room closed, the living area turned into my personal bedroom for the night, just like every other night. No spiders. Just a bad dream. I lay my head back down against the flat lifeless pillow. Just a bad dream, I repeated to myself several times and tried to fall back asleep.

Possibly an hour later, and I still couldn’t fall back asleep. I had bad dreams a lot but something deeply irked me about this one. Where was Daniel in this dream? Why wasn’t he in it? Everyone else was. Maybe I was just thinking about him too much. That had to be it. I closed my eyes again, and reached for sleep. It slowly dampened its self upon me again, and I fell into a deep slumber.

A few days went by and I ignored Daniel and he ignored me. I usually ate lunch up in the greenhouse, which suited me fine. I just couldn’t face him again, not after that day. I only really saw him in Math. He sat up front with Damien and Brandon. Damien, would often turn around and steal my math answers, but that was nothing new. Everything felt like it did when I was with Damien. Except it was as if now one cared about me now.

I would walk home, quick and nimble. I would curl up on the couch and cry. Why did I push Daniel away? He was the only real thing I had felt in years. Soon I stopped attending school, but since I un-plugged our home phone, my father was never informed of my absence.

The couch became my oasis, always folded out like a bed and I was curled under the blankets at all time. They became grimy and sticky; my body always under their protective covers. My father never noticed, he left before woke every morning and came home after I would usually get home, he would usually get home from the bar, so he was too drunk to care anyways.

TV became my heaven, a sanctuary away from the real world. A world where I pushed the only boy that ever seemed to like me away, just because I compared him to Damien. No matter what I did, I couldn’t convince myself he wouldn’t hurt me like Damien had for so many years. I snuggled further under the revolting covers and burrowed deeper into the Soap Opera that was on.

One morning after my father left, I heard car tires screech outside and immediately jumped up, slightly peeking through the heavy blanket covered the window. I flinched back from the blinding light as a slivery blue corvette formed from my blurred eyes. Out of the car stepped Daniel and Damien. I closed the curtain and blinked several times getting used to the darkness once again. A light knock hit the door; I curled back up under the covers. The next time a harsh shrieking bang ran through the trailer metal frame.

“Beth!” Damien rough voice yelled. “Open this door before I fucking break it down!” A low mumble came from his partner. I perked up at the sound of Daniels voice. I hadn’t heard him in weeks. I was trying not to think of him for weeks. I slowly recoiled from the blankets, and shifted over to the door, and unlocked it. Damien busted in, and he glanced around the trailer.

“Dammit Beth! This place smells like something died in it!” I went back to the couch and curled up on it. Daniel came in as well and wrinkled his nose, it must be from the smell. I didn’t smell anything, so I don’t know what they were talking about.

Daniel’s eyes locked with mine, I could see the grave sorrow that was deep within his heart. For me. I gasped, and tears swelled within the sides of my eyes. It was as if his eyes could speak, it was as if they were speaking to truly only me, and as if they would only ever talk to me. Beth I care about, don’t become this please. Then Daniel Left. His engine revved, and slowly I could hear his car moving towards the distance.

I turned to face Damien, and he was glaring and me furiously. His eyes shot straight and narrow lasers into my heart, tearing it apart and claiming it for his own. Then I knew the truth to Daniels eyes. It wasn’t just a Beth, please stop this, I care about you. It was a “Beth, I care about you a lot, and you should have gotten out while you could. I can’t save you for what’s coming next”.