Young Writers Society

Hey Firedancer here to review your short story. Sorry if I write anything that offends you, I'm just genuinely trying to help and to share my opinion, because that's what people want isn't it? Opinions? Tips and tricks? Someone praising their work, in order to boost their confidence? Anyways, I'll try and incorporate at least one of the above mentioned items into my review.

First thing first, I like the subject matter you chose to talk about. It is a very controversial but true subject in today's society. How monstrous people get the most publicity, while good ordinary folk get shoved and pushed aside. I can relate to the mans view. How him dying would be a cry for attention, a plea of recognition if anything. So true nowadays. I mean there was a school shooting not that long ago, and the only reason why they did it was to 'gain publicity' if you can believe it. A lot of people are sick in the head today.

Second thing. I like that you described ways to die intermittently with the confessions of the main character how he didn't want to die. Very good use of creative arrangement.

The last sentence is very ambigous and leaves everything to the readers imagination, which i like. You can't tell if he's made up his mind yet or if he is just entertaining the thought. Real good. Again I repeat you can sense the desperation in this guy when he states: "Heck, I'd be a minor deity. They'd erect temples in my name, great products of sweat and toil like the pyramids of old." Very nice, I like it.

Overall good work! Keep up the good writing! Hope this review helped!

This is really very well written.

To start with, the concept was fresh and had a hint of originality. I like the way you use the loop as you say it. The imagery is perfect. Its almost as if I can see 'em happening right at the back of my head. Good work there. The way you've chosen to introduce media to the plot seemed well thought. Overall a good read. Enjoyed your piece. Keep writing.
Cheers!

Very well written. Makes the world seem even more twisted and cruel doesn't it? Anyone who dies suspiciously, is turned into some sort of hero, or perfect role model, and the people that used to be "role model" material, gets trashed, until their death, which is turned into something disdainful, as if he/she was a waste of space after making the wrong mistakes, and wasting potential. I still felt like it was missing something. It seemed as if he/she only wanted to die in a way, simply for the attention, or pretend to commit suicide long enough, that hopefully, someone would come and rescue him/her. Kind of reminds me of this poem, which I can't remember right now, where the lady desperately tries to kill herself on many occasions but someone always "miraculously" comes to her "rescue," and one day, it just didn't happen, and she really did die. lol. Overall, I liked this piece of art though.

This was intense. I liked the arguing, with him not necessarily wanting to die, but still pondering it. It had a nice effect. The news article felt somewhat out of place at first, but on the second read through, added to the story. Your writing style is great and I quite enjoyed reading this.

I like how it ended in a loop (no pun intended). Well, it's very dramatic, and I could hear the arguments that were going on, mostly because I went through a minor phase where I thought like this. Realistic and disturbing. The voice is clear, serious, very direct, and goes very well with this piece. Very good use of structure as well. Keep writing, I'm interested in your work.

Although I'm not quite sure what you were going for, I kind of liked this piece in the sense of the way it was written. However, I didn't like it because of the topic. If you were going for a really disturbing article that will cause me to have trouble falling asleep tonight, you certainly did the trick.
Going back to what I said earlier, you wrote it really well. It was like an argument, but neither side could hear the other. I don't normally like arguments in any writing (other than for a newspaper), but this one worked out really well.

Hey there waiting!

Okay this was intense. Like really intense. I didn't know where you were going with it at all and it's a very disturbing piece to read.

The voice was a little bipolar. Maybe that's what you were going for but I definitely felt like there was something lacking in consistency. If that's to do with effect, then fine! But if not, decide on a particular emotion you want to convey. You begin with apathy, and then curiosity, and as we go further down there's a lot of bitterness coming to the surface. Now as far as suicide is concerned, of course there are a lot of emotions floating around. But I don't know. I just didn't feel the voice very strongly, and I think it was to do with the constant change of tack.

The second thing I didn't like was the sudden deviation into the articles and the quotes, but particularly the paragraph in between the quotes. I didn't know what you or the narrator was talking about. I was totally lost, I didn't know the story- was the man in the story sentenced to death? Was it just that people rally around the strangest of banners? Whatever the reason, it broke things up too much for me and it felt a little bit random. While it was an interesting point you were making, I think that for it to have any effect on us as readers it needs to be further delineated so that we can understand the narrator's plight.

I liked the second last line, the proof that what we are seeing is a very unsafe mind. But I stick to my conviction above that the voice was too jumpy for us to get much of an idea of things. A little more consistency all around won't hurt.

But overall, very powerful, very haunting, and nicely described.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

Wow, that was......
Amazing
Intense
Perfect
Scary
Understandable....
I don't how to describe it but it has a ...... Feeling about it.