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139,514 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
It's such a shame nobody has reviewed this yet. This is seriously gorgeous.
It has a bit of a poetic rhythm, and like some of the poems from the great writers on this site, I got to get into the flow of it and then stepped back and said 'what?'
If you want to make this better for the average reader, go back and look through your word choices. If you're content to keep it at its- ahem- peak of beauty, then I don't think you should change it at all.
The imagery was just fantastic. The butterfly analogy just made the whole piece, I think. It would have been well-written without it, but the one common metaphor definetly pulled it together. It was terribly realistic when it had to be, and dream-like when it didn't. The ending was wonderful, and did its job- summarized and held what it could of the piece.
The only other nitpick I have is the title. The red-gold aspect of the piece is important and shouldn't be tossed away, but I don't feel like it gives the piece the beauty it deserves. My personal preferences would lean towards 'bitter red wings' or 'broken dreams on butterfly wings'- almost a poetic feel for an almost poetic piece.
Thanks for the great read.