Hell Frost
”Dude, I'm telling you, I'm gonna get laid before the semester ends,” Rick slurred, gesturing with his beer can.
Jeff snorted, not bothering to look away from the TV. ”You? Rick, you can't be serious. Not even Maggie Mass would touch you.”
”Fuck off. I so will get laid.”
Jeff glanced apologetically at his friend. ”You're gonna get laid when hell freezes over.”
***
Rick walked home, feeling nauseous. His sneakers crunched in an infantile crust of frost, his breath dancing in crystals. He passed out on his couch, eyelids fluttering like snow. The following day, Rick got laid.
2.
The first 100-word story I've ever written. I felt like capturing the ultimate futility of life (purely an artistic concept in my mind, not to worry), and thought that nothing could convey it better than a really short story. I'd read some 100-word stories and felt the burn to try my hand at such an extremely limited format.
Worker Bee
There was once a bee. His coat was piss yellow and black as burned dreams, his stinger a proud 12 inches. Once he grew his wings, he set out into the world, naked under his luscious coat. He flew from flower to flower, collecting pollen, bringing it back to his hive. The bee brought back tons of pollen, which was used to produce liters of honey, and his hive thrived. He worked late shifts, but always found time to watch over the needy larvae. One day, while looking for food, an immense hand slapped him, he stung it, he died.
3.
I am an eccentric user of blood-imagery in its various forms - maybe overly so - and I felt like capturing this in a story. Having just completed 'Worker Bee', I wanted to write another 100-word short. The ideas merged and the following was born.
Blood
Blood. It's everywhere in literature. It symbolizes a multitude of different subjects, containing so many differing connotations. It can mean life, it can mean death. It can mean family, it can mean enemy. It might refer to an oath, it might refer to a misdone deed. For me, it is simple. It's what should be in my veins, straining to deliver me from harm. It's what is everywhere, on my hands, my legs, my face. Blood burns. I am drowning in fire, being burned by liquid. It is simple. It is just a should, escaping from its constraints. Merely. Blood.
4.
This was an extremely random idea that came to mind, mostly wrote it for the sick giggles. Hopefully you're not deranged enough to find it funny like I did. In my defence, it was 4 o'clock in the morning; everything's funny at that time.
Undercover
”Honey, we've got a visitor!”
Emma snickered; Mom would never find her.
”Emma?”
Emma listened to her mother's footsteps closing in on her. She was more than confident in her hiding spot.
”Emma, why are you under the rug?”
The rug was flung off her and Emma pouted, little arms crossed over her flowery dress.
”No faiw.”
A tall man with a funny-looking moustache peered down at Emma.
”Why were you under the rug, Emma?” the stranger asked.
Emma beamed triumphantly. ”I undewcowew engent like Pwapa!”
”Wrong answer.”
Emma's mother screamed. A gun fired twice.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hiya,
So funness here. I just read the first one. Anywaaayssssss..... time for my lovely commentary and grammar/punctuation fun:
so for hell frost, its all pretty good except technically the last layer of hell IS frozen over.... But that's just a minor detail. The point is still clear. Then for "'Fuck off. I so will get laid.'" I feel like the will and so should be reversed. Just a taste thing there, but the second of the two is going to be the one that gets emphasized.
For Worker Bee,
"He worked late shifts, but always found time to watch over the needy larvae." Here, since the second clause is dependent, the comma is unneeded.
"an immense hand slapped him, he stung it, he died." change those commas to periods. Otherwise, they make comma splices which are the sign of bad english (as well as improperly used semicolons)
In Blood,
"It can mean life, it can mean death." Another comma splice. Here, it's an easy fix. You can either throw in a period or be artistic and use a semicolon. And the next two sentences are also comma splices and the commas need to be changed to semicolons or periods.
"It's what is everywhere, on my hands, my legs, my face." Here, the first comma should probably be turned into a colon.
In Undercover,
"The rug was flung off her and Emma pouted, little arms crossed over her flowery dress." I think there should be a comma between her and and because they are both independent clauses.
"Emma's mother screamed. A gun fired twice." I feel like the two sentences should be reversed. It confused me at first, but I did figure out what happened - at least, i think. I came up with the man pulled out the gun, causing the mother to scream. Anyhow, I think it would make more sense to have her scream after the gun was fired.
Anyways, for being so short, they are all pretty good, and they do have plots. Great job with that. And: "Emma snickered; Mom would never find her." CORRECTLY USED SEMICOLON!!! It always makes my day when I am reviewing something, and I see that. So you deserve all this lovely stuff of being best person in the world and getting a hug and such.
So anyways, I'm out. Feel free to ask me anything about the review if you want.