Wedding dress

This is a beautiful poem! I love how you manage to put such exquisite detail in with the joy and doubt and hope that comes from a marriage. I love how the heroine seems so excited, with her mind going a mile a minute. You do a wonderful job of letting the audience into her head, at the same time painting a wonderful picture of what she sees and how she loves her wedding gown. Well done!

I love the description of the fabric at the beginning. There are a few tweaks I would suggest to this poem though.

I believe the third line would sound better as like this than the simile you used.

"It’s a dance with a single person"

This line confused me. She's getting married, but she doesn't want it to be her last marriage? What? It just doesn't seem right...

I just hope my first won’t be my last

Will it be my last? Will I get to walk it again?

Hey there, Cailey here on Review Day with a review for you.

Wedding dresses are gorgeous. My sister got married this summer, and I loved seeing her try on the dress first when we went to get alterations done and then the actual day of the wedding, when she had her makeup and hair done. The dress is certainly a huge part of the wedding for most girls, because in a way it's an excuse to be a princess for a day.

But what I really don't like about your poem is how you say that it's so temporary and not necessarily the only time you'll wear a dress. Unfortunately, our world is falling and there is a lot of divorce, but that's not the point of marriage. Marriage is supposed to last. That's the whole point of vows. And part of the specialness of a wedding dress is that one time idea. The fact that that day is the only time you'll get to wear that gorgeous dress and walk down the isle.

If you want to stick to the idea that a wedding dress is something you can just slip on and off whenever you like a guy enough to get married, then you need to come up with another reason why the dress is so special aside from the one time deal. Otherwise the wedding dress doesn't sound much different from any other nice dress.

Also, you could definitely add some more details about the dress. Why is it so special? You just kind of talk about the wedding and how impermanent you think it is. Go back to the dress. You mention lace and swirls, but that's it. Describe the dress. Get your reader to think that she is the girl in the dress, or get the guy to imagine seeing a girl walk down the aisle in a dress like that.

So, I think that's all. More detail! More description! More emotion, even! Otherwise, nice idea, I encourage you to play with it a little more and see what you can add. Let me know if you have any questions. Keep writing!

It’s long and it swishes

The frills of lace (COMMA) the rolls of ivory

It’s like a dance with a single person

A song with one note so beautiful,

And yet so unforgiving (PERIOD)

It’s not a onetime thing (You use "it" and "it's" too much)

It can happen again

In another shape or size or place

I just hope my first won’t be my last (this is contradictory to the next line, it's unclear whether you are talking about the dress or marriage or what)

Just wish this will last

And wonder can I really do this

Can I really walk down that isle?

The long condescending stretch of velvet red (nice usage of 'condescending', expand more on this idea of what the walk means to you and how you feel about it)

Will it be my last? Will I get to walk it again?

Or am I really in love, is this how it is?

Should I not hope for more? (nice line)

I turn in the mirror one more time

Do a twirl (COMMA) watch it fly and spin with me (COMMA)

Caress it and smoothen out the wrinkles

Then take a deep breath grab the bouquet and wait for the music. (this line is too long)


Over all, try to show and not tell. For example, instead of saying 'I'm nervous', say 'my lips tremble'. If you must 'tell' the reader something, do it in a way that is more interesting than regular conversation. Also try not to use too many rhetorical questions in a poem as they are more powerful when alone. Keep writing, you've done a good job with this one. Also, Welcome to YWS!
-Kat

This is a really lovely poem. It made me think differently of weddings in a way. But I think you may need to work out and watch the punctuation of the poem. For example this verse: "Do a twirl watch it fly and spin with me" should have commas; "Do a twirl, watch it fly and spin with me."
So I believe other than that, this is a really nice poem.