E - Everyone

Guardians Awakening/Chapter Two/ In A Past Life

The next day, Verlaine is unrolling a Persian rug she found in the attic and coughing from the dust. “Note to self, before putting old rug in room always beat it out first. Especially after you’ve cleaned,” she says between coughs. Danielle had helped her look for things in the attic yesterday after they’d eaten lunch and they’d brought most of what Verlaine liked down already, even a few old books and a desk with a broken drawer. They were bringing the rest of the stuff down today while Ichiro walked around with the contractors to see what needed fixing. He’d already sold the last of their furniture from New York that they didn’t need any more and had brought all the remaining boxes and Verlaine’s guitar, from the move.

After Verlaine beat out the rug she rolled it back up so Danielle could send it to the cleaners, she began to unpack her boxes all marked Verlaine’s Stuff in sharpie. She unpacks two, and shoves the rest to the back of her closet with the suitcases. Now that her bathroom is filled with shampoos, conditioners, bubble baths, and the main essentials and her window seats adorned with throw pillows and paper lanterns she feels she is done for the day and decides to head outside. So grabbing her guitar case off the bed and shrugging it on, she leaves the room and runs downstairs.

“Hey, I’m going out, don’t miss me,” she calls as she pulls open the front door and dashes out. She bumps the ladder that one of the painters is on and it starts to teeter, surprised, she spins around to face it, standing on the top step. As her eyes catch the ladder she swears it stops falling and straightens itself; light flashing as it does. “Well that was weird,” she mumbles and dashes of up the drive leaving the painter on the ladder shaking in his boots and clutching the metal, his paint brush slipping from his grasp.

On a second thought she runs around the house, pulling out her phone, and straight to the cliff, stopping ten feet from the cliff’s edge. After tapping in her password she hits the camera button and takes a picture of the view, getting the cloudy sky, one big bird on the horizon, and the cliff’s edge as well.“Nice photo,” she smiles. She leans in to take another picture when a bird swoops down too close to her and hits her. She losses her footing and screams just as the bird turns and hits her again, this time sending her tumbling down the cliff side.

“Whoa,” she yells, dragging the word out. Blindly, she grabs at anything to stop her from falling. Once she grabs a branch and it holds her for a few seconds before snapping and sending her tumbling down the cliff side again. Not long after she stops rolling and hits her back against the sandy surface of a beach, thankfully she is nowhere near any of the rocks, but still gets the wind knocked out of her. She lays sprawled out on the sand staring up at the sky for a few minutes, groaning and in pain all over. Then the bird swoops down and lands beside her, its feather brushing he face.

Glancing at it, she sees that it has the face and size of a hawk, with sparrow-like wings tinted gold. Except it’s a silvery gray bird, and has a red head and black smears around the eyes. The eyes were black as well, rimmed with a steel blue. “What the heck are you,” she asks, not expecting an answer. If birds could smile she swears this one does, and it chirps, a metallic sound, as if it is chuckling. The bird pecks at her silver hair and lifts up a lock, tugging it. She swats at it, not really trying to hit it, just trying to get her hair back.

“Oh shoo, you can’t use this for your nest.”

It cocks its head at her questioningly then pecks at her hair again, tugging hard.

“Ouch, stop it.” She sits up and it hops back. “What, what do you want? Did your nest break or something?”

The bird shakes its head.

“Then what?” She looks at it for an answer.

The bird nudges its head to the left at the base of the cliff where an opening for a cave stands.

“You want me to go in there?”

It nods and flaps its wings. It heads towards the entrance and when she doesn’t follow in squawks at her.

“Fine, fine, I’ve got nothing better to do anyways.”

Standing, she follows the new species of bird into the cave, picking up her discarded cell phone on the way and pocketing it. She follows the bird into the cave, picking her way through the rocks and medium sized boulders surrounding the entrance. “Hey bird, do you know the way back to the top of the cliff?” The bird chirps and she assumes that’s a yes. A small voice in her head is telling her that she is following a bird and reminding her how crazy that looks and sounds. She argues that people talk to animals all the time, and parrots can be trained to speak back to people. “And if that’s still strange, I’m dreaming. At least the bird hasn’t talked yet.” Turning on the flash light from her phone she shines it around to get a good look at the leaky cave and the path in front of her. After walking for a few minutes through the mouth of the cave the bird leads her to the opening of three more caves.

“Which one do I go through?”

It squawks and flies to the one on the far left.

“Left it is,” she says, following.

This cave is narrower than the first one and longer. It winds only once and then comes out to a wide empty space with hooks for the unlit torches on the walls. Five torches, but no exits. She is just about to ask if they should go back the way they came when the bird flies over the middle torch six yards away from the entrance. It pecks at it so Verlaine walks over and grabs the torch, lifting it out of its holder. The ground rumbles and the wall shudders as a rectangular block in the wall slides up beside the hook.

“Wow, that’s so cool,” she says, returning the torch and following the bird through the new entrance. It slides down behind them so she tries to keep her exclaiming to a minimum so she doesn’t run out of air.

This new cave is just wide enough for two people to walk side by side without brushing against each other. It goes on for about seven meters and lets out on an edge. The bird calls to her to follow as it flies close to the wall, she walks along the ledge that isn’t narrow per say but not wide enough that she isn’t not afraid of falling. The only good part is that she realizes she can turn her phones flashlight off because the walls are glowing. When she looks around she sees that crystals are sticking out of the walls everywhere and when she listens closely she can hear running water. The ledge is like a long ramp that only goes down but she is sure there are other openings alone the wall, they’re just hidden. At last when they reach the bottom the bird leads her to what she hopes is the exit. It is not; instead it is a huge space with niches cut into the cave walls but nothing in the niches.

Verlaine walks alone a stone path with two streams running on both sides. The place is bright and when she looks up she finds the source of the light. Dozens of those ice-like crystals are glowing blue at the ceiling like a chandelier. A few crystals poking out of the wall are glowing green and slabs of stone sit beneath them. The bird flies over to the center and perches on the top point of a marble fountain while Verlaine spins around slowly, taking everything in.

She stares in amazement. “This looks like a coliseum.” She bumps into a raised dais a few feet from the fountain and the bird. “Ouch, okay birdie, I’ve bumped into and fallen into too many things here and not that the place isn’t beautiful and amazing but I’d like to go home now. Plus, I’m sure Mom is going to be peeved when she sees me like this, I mean look at me. I’m a mess.”

The bird chirps, and pecks at the scepter shaped top of the fountain. The water stops pouring from it and after a few seconds the ground rumbles again. Five holes circling the fountain open up in the rock and five statues emerge slowly from them. Each statue is of a woman. The nearest to Verlaine is of a tall, young woman who, when she glances down, is wearing high heeled boots. “Yeah, I feel you, shortness has its perks though,” she jokes. The woman has long hair that goes past her waist and holds in one hand a crystal ball hanging from a thread. The arm with that crystal ball is extending, while the other on is drawn in, holding an oval mirror.

“What is she the statue of liberty?”

The bird flies up above her and perches on the stone dais behind Verlaine who turns to face him. “No, young Verlaine, she is you.”

Gaping in shock and horror, Verlaine stumbles back, bumping into the first statue.

“Y-you talked, birds aren’t supposed to do that. Not unless you’re a parrot,” she says in disbelief.

“Well I assure you Mistress, I am no parrot. I am a Plutchart, a rare Ǽmezian bird. Of course I can only talk because of your magic. Thank you for that by the way, if it wasn’t for you it’d be very difficult to speak to those who need my assistance.”

“How is this even possible?”

“Because you made it possible, well, you in a former life. You see Verlaine, once upon a time, a little more than decade ago in Ǽmezi, you were that woman right there.” He points one of his feet to the statue she is leaning against. “A beauty you were, you don’t look much different now.”

“Thanks I guess, but that probably won’t be the oddest thing I’ll hear from you, will it?”

“No. In your first life you were the goddess Vidya, the only owner to the Heart of Yggdrasil and the leader to the Guardians of the Border, protectors of the twelve worlds. But you died, murdered by the evil king Sinthys. Your last task was to save the rightful heir of the throne and send her to earth. Now you are alive again and must find the other Guardians and end what was started nine years ago.”

“Uhuh, so who’s this rightful heir and is he or she good?”

“Good, I hope. She is Princess Ilene; you sent her to earth with Asina, your most trusted priestess. Sadly, Asina and I haven’t seen the princess and her attendants since she separated from them way back when Rome became an empire.”

“What the heck, how old would she be? Besides, didn’t you just tell me that this happened nine years ago?”

“The time in this world is different from the time in Ǽmezi. The people there live for what humans consider centuries. The princess might look like a teenager, possibly your age. Asina has only aged about three or four times, she looks like a human woman of early forties and she was only sixteen when she left Ǽmezi so there is no telling what the princess, who was six, would look like now.”

“What, so you mean to tell me the most important person from your world is missing and you don’t even know what she looks like? Do you even know if she is still alive?” She leans towards him, hands on her hips and eyes narrowed, angry now.

“If she wasn’t, then we would know. The Heart would’ve told us.” He gulps “I’m sure it would’ve.”

“What heart?”

“The Heart of Yggdrasil, your birth right. The Heart was given to you by Yggdrasil, when you were first born. Although you are the only one who can control it, it gives Asina and me a warning from time to time.”

“I see. If Asina is some hundred year old priestess that miraculously looks forty-something, then who the heck are you?”

“I am Torin, your familiar. Before you ask I was originally your pet but your magic made me able to speak the human language as well as the animal. I am an intelligent bird I assure you and I can do much more than just speak.”

“Alright Torin, can I leave now. I’d like to get home?”

“Not yet, I haven’t told you the reason I brought you down here.”

“Then spill it already and let me leave.”

“Fine, you are the most impatient of all Vidya’s reincarnations. You and four other girls in this town will start to awaken as your Guardian selves with the memories of your past lives. Your powers will appear and you will need to learn once again, how to control them, find Asina, she will help you. She lives in this town as well, one of her descendants will awaken as a Guardian, but Guardian of what, I don’t know.”

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind when I start school Monday to look for girls experiencing a super powered version of puberty. Now can you get me out of here?”

“Yes, follow me.” He flies off the dais and heads to the back of the “room” to another dark opening.

“That’s what I’ve been doing all day.”

Once they have both entered the opening the statues sink down into the rock with a grating noise. The fountain begins to run again and everything is as it should be. Verlaine decides that asking how all that stuff got there is a question for another day as Torin leads her up an old, wooden stairwell running along the wall and at last, out of the cliff side and the caves. Looking around, she finds herself in the old well in Nona’s backyard and climbs up the three stone steps. She checks her phone, roughly two and a half hours have passed. The contractors, repairmen, and painters have done a pretty decent job in the time she was away, and Danielle sent her a dozen text massages. “Five missed calls, two from Mom, and three from Dad. They must be pissed. So much for turning over a new leaf,” she sighs and pockets the phone. She enters through the back door, surprised it’s unlocked, takes off her dirty converse sneakers and yells “I’m home.”

Instantly her parents come barreling down the hall and Nona down the back steps. “Where have you been young lady,” they all ask simultaneously.

She laughs weakly, scratching the back of her head. “Would you believe me if I said I fell down the side of the cliff?”

“But Verlaine,” says Nona. “It doesn’t take two and a half hours to get back up from there, there’s a stairwell for that exact purpose.”

“There was, so you mean I went through that cave for nothing?” Slumping over defeated, she groans. “Two and a half hours of my life spent wandering through stupid caves just to find out there was a stupid stairwell.”

“What cave,” asks Danielle. “I don’t remember there being a cave there.”

“What do you mean no cave,” Verlaine asks, shooting her head up, right brow arched.

“Maybe she hit her head too hard when she fell and was just knocked unconscious. Yeah that’s it she must’ve dreamed everything,” offers Nona.

“Yeah, I can believe that,” says Ichigo placing a hand on Verlaine’s shoulder. “Come on Verlaine, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Sure Dad, but I swear I didn’t dream it. I was spirited away by this bird and—”

“Sounds like a lovely dream dear, but you’re awake now, you can stop believing it,” he says patiently.

“Yeah honey, we’ll let your disappearance slide this time alright? For now just get cleaned up, lie down, and I’ll bring you a cup of cocoa,” says Danielle, suddenly cheerful.

Verlaine glowers, annoyed at their refusal to believe her and also relieved at not getting grounded again. “Fine, but it was real to me.”

“We know honey, we know,” says Danielle.

As promised, Danielle delivered Verlaine a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream once she was cleaned up and dry. So sitting in the window seat, wrapped in a red blanket, she leans against the window sipping the coco and staring at the stars. Minutes pass, and then she hears a tap at the glass. Glancing down she spots Torin and grins, happy that she hadn’t imagined what she’d seen and wasn’t missing two and a half hours of her life forever. She opens the window, letting in a draft of cool November air. Torin hops in and she offers him a cracker from the bowl beside her.

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” she says.

“Just checking to see if you are alright, looks like your wounds, though minor, haven’t healed yet.” He narrows his eyes at the band aid beneath her right eye while biting down on a saltine.

“What are you talking about? Of course it wouldn’t be healed already. No one heals that fast, except maybe, Wolverine, but he’s fiction.”

“The goddess Vidya healed instantly, she could even control her healing, delay it for a time to seem normal,” he says the word as if it is a bad taste in his mouth. “But I suppose you haven’t awakened yet, not fully anyways, so your healing powers must still be dormant. Oh well.”

“Huh, that’s actually kind of cool. But I don’t think reincarnation works like that Torin. If Vidya’s physical form could heal instantly then why did she die and why did her body burn to ash when the Temple was set on fire? Besides that, I don’t think my body would heal instantly because I have a human body, not a goddess’s body.”

“Vidya’s mother was human; she was impregnated by the tree Yggdrasil while she was dying in front of it. You saved her, your very existence is meant to save people. Anyhow, when Vidya’s body dies it comes back whole and new, but at the same age it died. She changed that, she sent her soul and all her power to this world and sent her ashes after to mix with a developing fetus.”

“Ew, how do you know all this?”

“You told me, when you were reborn for the sixth time.”

“Wait what, how many times have I been reborn?”

“This is the twelfth time. I believe you found the princess in one of those lives but the others weren’t able to be reborn. For centuries you have been the only one being reborn and this is the first time that the other girls have been reborn with you. That is a sure sign that it is now possible to defeat King Sinthys.”

“Wow, so wait, does that mean I’ve died more than thirteen times.”

“You’ve died exactly seventeen times, four of those as Vidya herself.”

“Wow, boy that’s a lot of times to die and come back. So that means she knew exactly where you go when you die, that means when her memories come into me I’ll know too. Cool, that’s like, the coolest thing ever.”

Torin looks at her as if she is crazy for even thinking such a thing. “Your mind was always impossible to comprehend, and your thoughts are just a puzzle even now when human minds are so simple.”

She smiles at him. “Oh, I have about the same IQ as William James Sidis, way higher than Einstein’s, if you know who these people are. I told my parents that I wanted to live a normal life so that’s why I went through all those years of schooling. I’m gonna be an author and I need the experience.”

“Mistress, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

She laughs. “I figured as much, you can just call me Verlaine though.”

“I cannot do that My Lady, I wouldn’t even dream of it. It is very disrespectful.”

“Suit yourself, birdy,” she says, taking a sip from her coco.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Hi Vivian!!!
I LOVED THIS!!!!!!! I love your idea, it is genius. I love Verlaine, she is sassy, smart, and AWESOME! I love all of your other characters, they are all unique, and different. I just love this. I am so sorry that I am late to review this, but from now on, I will be an avid reader of your work! Now I will note a couple quick nitpicks:

1. Point of view. I think I mentioned this before in my last review, but I think it needs to be changed. I think it would be much smoother and much more personal if you wrote it from Verlaine's thoughts, and in past tense. For exaple:

The lunch room is filled with the chatter of students, the sound of chairs scarping back and forth against the linoleum tile, and the trays hitting the tables. Hex, a girl with chocolate skin, long, dark brown hair tied back into one thick braid going down her back, walks over to an empty table in the back of the lunchroom. Her mind was filling with questions she needed to tell her friends and reporters for the school newspaper, Abbi and Yen to ask the new girl, Verlaine. She was lucky to have Brass first class on Monday morning, if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have been able to find the perfect new story for the paper, and as Editor and Chief of the paper it was her job to make sure the whole school new about the child prodigy who would be gracing their school. After Headmistress Rill left with Verlaine she had asked Brass to use the bathroom so she could go listen in on the conversation between principal and student-teacher. When the redhead Latina, Abbi, and the hyper-active/overly enthusiastic Vietnamese girl, Yen, sat down at the table with her, Hex filled them in.


This paragraph can be changed to:

The lunch room was filled with the chatter of students, the sound of chairs scraping back and forth against the linoleum tile, and the clatter of trays hitting tables. There was a girl with chocolate skin, long, dark brown hair tied back into one thick braid going down her back, walking over to a table in the back of the lunchroom with two other girls sitting at it. There was one Latina girl with firery red hair, and one Vietnamese girl who was smiling wide at the other. Verlaine entered the crowded room and sat down at the end of the table where the three girls currently sitting, and overheard their conversation.


That was just an example. If you keep the point point of view the same, it is fine, it is not a big issue, but to me, I think that this sounds a little better.

2. Dialouge. I loved how witty and quick your dialouge was, but you went from person to person talking, with barely any break or description in between. Add some descriptions of what Verlaine is thinking, facial expressions, that sort of stuff to break it up a bit.

3. Info dump. I agree with Carlito here, that we as readers got a lot of information at one time, making this a little overwhelming to remember it all. I would take it a little slower, have something new that Verlaine learns in each chapter instead of dumping it on you all at once.

4. Verlaine. This is not about her character or anything, I just think when Torin is telling her all of this stuff about her being a godess person and all of the history, she takes it extremely well, making it a little unrealistic. I know that this is an unrealistic topic, but think. How would you react if this happened to you? If this was me, there would be a lot of questions asked, and just about the fact that the bird is talking alone, not even getting into the other stuff that she learns. I just think she accepts it a little to readily.

5. Holding hands. I LOVE Thorn! He is an awesome character with a great name, I must say, but I feel that Verlaine held hands with him a little to quickly. I can tell that they would be great together, and I already ship it, but would you hold hands with a guy you literally met minutes ago, even if he is really cute? Maybe it is just Verlaine's character, and she would do that, I just think personally that it happened a little quickly.

Well, that is all of the nitpicking I will be doing today! Once again, I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to review, I apologize. I loved your story so much, and you will definitally see me again!! Happy Review Month!! :)

Lol, thanks for this. I guess the first two chapters make it seem like Verlaine is the main character and I focus on her a lot mainly because of her role. She is the catalyst for the Guardians' awakening and so on. I try and keep it in different pov's to remind the readers that the story is about different people. Sorry for the info dump. I'll fix that on the site. Yeah, there's a reason Verlaine is so excepting of a talking bird, she's seen stranger things which is part of the plot. Eeee, I'm so glad you ship them, but you'll have to wait for it to actually be canon. She's just affectionate.

Okay, that makes sense now. I am excited to read more!

User avatar
Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:43 pm

Hello and happy review day! :)

I haven't read the first chapter, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole. Also, because this is on the longer side, I'm going to focus on general comments/big picture things (with examples as needed) instead of a super in-depth nit-picky critique (but if you'd like me to do a super in-depth nit-picky critique, I'd be happy to come back and do so!) :)

1. Beware the info-dump. I know it's super, super tempting because you want your readers to understand everything right from the get-go, but a little mystery is good. At the beginning of this chapter, you slip into an info-dump disguised as dialogue. What does this mean? An info-dump is basically where you explain the backstory to the reader. Why is this bad? Backstory is often interesting and necessary to some degree, however, it can also take away from the story because it disrupts the actual plot that's happening. And here, this is the second chapter. the backstory doesn't do much for me because it's so early and I don't have much context for who the characters are and why I should care about this detailed backstory. Some of it is necessary - the bird can talk because of her magic. But I would leave it there for now. There will be time later on in the book to explain the whole magic story and her ancestry and all of that. I want plot and character development :)

2. Dialogue tags. Throughout the whole first part, there's a lot of back and forth with the dialogue without many tags. Not every piece of dialogue needs one, but I would include some more. You could keep it really simple and do "He/she said". Nothing wrong with sticking to said. Try not to get too over-the-top with variations of "said", but if that starts to get dull for you, you can change it up by doing actions or reactions or descriptions. Actions - what are the characters doing while they're talking? Are they just standing there, arms at their sides, talking at one another? (I think not :p) Maybe they wipe hair from their forehead or shrug or sigh or adjust their weight. Stuff like that. Reactions - you do this a little, but how do the characters react to one another's dialogue? Descriptions - if you think about it, when you talk your voice doesn't sound the same 100% of the time. What's the tone, volume, or rate of speech? How are they saying what they're saying?
This kind of stuff can be tricky, and I think the best way to learn (other than trial and error) is to listen to conversations and watch conversations and see what people do, how they reaction, and how they talk and then apply that to your writing :)

3. Descriptions. When you do them, they're really good! The paragraph about her going to school and describing the school were great! I could really picture it in my head. I want more of that :) More setting, more describing. (there are more examples of when you do this really well, that was just the first one I thought of) :)

4. Plot. So a lot happens in this chapter. I thought from when she started school on was when things got really interesting and the plot moved forward. Before that, I wasn't quite sure where you were going with this because everything with the talking bird was an info-dump and I wasn't quite sure what to make of the stuff with her family. I might consider breaking this chapter into two. Maybe one chapter of her interacting with the bird (but shorter, leave more mystery about her past and who she is so your reader will want to keep reading to find out more) and then her coming home to her family (but develop that a little more because right now it just reads as back and forth dialogue. Then the next chapter would be all of the school stuff, because quite a bit of exciting things happen when she's at school :)

I'll leave it there for now. Interesting idea! I hope you keep working on it! Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!

Thanks, I'll do that.

User avatar
ChimeraMania
Review

SO (clearly) I haven't read the first one yet, but meh I rather jump in and see what's going on and then go back to that. Even if this is just chapter two.
By the way, hey VIV, Sharrae here.
So first.

“Uhuh, so who’s this rightful heir and is he or she evil of good?”
"...he or she evil of good?" IS what you have, maybe you mean 'evil or good.' Although I feel, maybe, since you said the King was evil that she could be hoping the heir is good. So instead of asking if (I read ahead) 'she' evil or good, just ask is she good. It's different than the usual evil or good.
...roughly two and a half hours, the contractors, repairmen, and painters have a done a pretty decent job in the time she was away...
'and painters have _ done a..' Take out the first a.
So far I like this, makes me want to stop and go read the first part. This is long and I like that because this seems like a really good upcoming book.
Torin hops in and she offers him a cracker from the bow beside her.
*bowl*
Actually this seems medium length to me, but still I'm liking it.
You saved her, your very existence is met to save people.
*meant*
Okay, I'm going to probably stop with the nickpickings because from my POV so far, this is almost perfect. I'm not good reviewing in the literal since of things, I will be but I'm not right now. But things do pop out at me and other than these spelling errors or questionable things, like I said, this is almost perfect.
Back to reading.
OMGOSH I LOVED THE END...Going to read the first one now and will be stalking you until you post the next one. REMEMBER, I take stalking seriously, so I'm telling the truth. LOL
But wow, I didn't really pay attention to any mistakes, if there were any, and honestly if I go back and reread, I probably wont then either. So good luck with other reviews, they'll be more help.
Can't wait for another installment of this.
~Sharrae out, tottles

Thank you for pointing all this out to me, I missed it when I reread this chapter before.



I continue to be a reverse hipster, I only do things after they've ceased being cool
— BluesClues