Rose/Thorn

by Vivian

Published January 27, 2014

16+

In Novels To Be

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Prologue

Five Hundred Years before the Reign of Queen Iris

The Death of Queen Ivy

The queen was dying, she was ill and dying. That was the main thought on the queendoms mind. Queen Ivy would be the only queen in Isadorian history to die young. The only good news was that she wouldn’t be murdered like so many before her. It was rumored among the people that the next heir to the throne could only become queen by killing the current one. No one really understood that rumor; they guessed it was just to put some spice to the next queen’s coronation. But the ruling queen always died before the next one was crowned. But now no one would suspect Ivy’s daughter of murder.

Princess Iris was only thirteen. It was at such a merciless age that she would lose her mother and her childhood. But that didn’t trouble her; after all, her mother had raised her to be merciless and non-hesitant. She would make a powerful leader, she would be remembered. So Iris would wait until the time was right to make her move. Until then she’d stay meek, quiet, and act like the helpless, crying daughter she needed to be. As long as they continued to believe she was the epitome of innocence and purity. Then she’d strike.

And what of her mother you ask? That’s simple, Ivy waited in her sick bed. When the moon was high she’d call for Iris. It’d be a full moon, the perfect witness to her death. Weren’t the stars already witness to all her sins? Ivy would not beg for mercy or forgiveness, she was far too prideful for that. Besides, she didn’t want forgiveness, or mercy, she didn’t feel guilt for anything. She would die quickly, because she had suffered enough, not just from her illness, but from the curse that went with being queen. And she wouldn’t dare cry. That was weakness; that she couldn’t tolerate. She wasn’t weak, and she was no fool. Only fools showed wavering in the end, she was no fool. She would die at her daughter’s hands, like her own mother, who only became queen by poisoning her sister, her only rival.

Now the moon was high, its light cast a faint glow across the two female faces. Their dark eyes shone obsidian in the dim light. They had sent the guards away so they could be alone. Every word was planned before it was said, everything had been considered, it was the family game.

Ivy stared at her daughter’s face that so much resembled her own. Almost dry tears stained her cheeks. Iris had put on quite a show for the two guards; their eyes had glowed with pity. “Fools”, thinks Ivy, “if only they knew how much she really hated their prying eyes.” Iris, to Ivy’s dismay, was an early bloomer. Her beauty had caught the attention of every soul in the country. If her husband were still living Ivy was sure he’d take one look at the girl and say she was just like her, and then laugh that spiteful laugh. If there was anyone Ivy hated more than anything, it would be her late husband Rodrick.

“Well Mother”, said the girl, pulling Ivy from her thoughts.

“Well what”, she spits harshly.

“Don’t you have any last words?”

Ivy smiles, “If I do I’ll take them to the grave.” Iris glares just like her mother hoped. Like her, her daughter was no fool. A second passes and the child’s glare softens, she giggles, Ivy hated it when she did that. “You know Mother, you really should’ve tried being nicer. Daddy always wished you’d change”, she says, her voice sweet and childish. Ivy scowled, she hated talk of her husband, he was a con, a right fool. He made everyone believe he was nice, he even went as far as pretending to love her. Truth was he was scared like everyone else.

“Don’t speak of your father in front of me, I hate him”, she spits and Iris sighs.

“Poor Daddy”, she mumbles but does not speak of him again.

Instead she leans out of her chair and hugs her mother tightly. She begins to cry. “Fool”, says Ivy and Iris laughs, but it’s lighter than usual. When she pulls away, there’s a smile on her face, in her left hand is a dagger and in her right an embroidered handkerchief. She was ready. “Mother did you ever love me”, she asks and her mother scowls. Iris stares at her, waiting for an answer, her eyes soft, sad, and demanding. “Please”, she begs and Ivy laughs. “Who could really love you, you’re just as spiteful and dark as I am”, she says, her voice rose. Iris, slightly blushing from embarrassment, scowls and plunges the dagger into her mother’s heart. She twists and turns it, so Ivy can feel her pain, then pulls it out. “All I wanted was the truth”, she says in a shrill voice. With her free hand she takes her mother's left one, lying limp as the light left Queen Ivy's eyes. This was important, they had to be touching. Then, with a flick of her wrist, the evidence was gone. The wound closes, the blood on both their clothes seeps into the color and merged, and the dagger disappeared.

Iris closes her mother’s angry eyes and fixes her blanket. She kisses the woman's cheek, while fresh tears roll down her own. The handkerchief is ready when she screams and the guards, the adviser, and the doctor, all come running. She lets herself be taken away by the maids, while sobbing loudly. She gives them the show they expect. But later in her room, she lies on her bed, laughing bitterly. She cradles the still bloody dagger. Then quietly, she begins to cry. Tears again roll down her cheeks, but not in the salty waves they were before, but as shy streams. Licking one away, she tastes the ocean and smiles. Gripping the dagger tighter she whispers to the room. “I love you Mommy”, then laughs bitterly again and calls herself a fool, as Ivy no doubt, would.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Othersider
Review
Othersider wrote a review Review · Jan 30, 2014

Helloo...
Once I finished reading this, I kinda realised there were a few things on my mind.
First the line :
That’s simple, Ivy waited in her sick bed. When the moon was high she’d call for Ivy.

I din't really get that is the second Ivy be Iris? I'm not sure so please correct me if I'm wrong.
Secondly, the ending had me quite confused because where had the dagger come from? And wouldn't the doctor that there had been a stabbing?
If you could just clarify these that would be great..
Also, I suggest that maybe you could add more description to the characters like maybe" The Queens' dark hair mingled with her crimson blood which now seeped to her cold, pale hands." so that we can have a visual aid to what we are supposed to see in our mind.
On the plus side, I see that you really set the scene where murder and deceit is commonplace with ease. The dialogue between Iris and Ivy may be short but it sure packs a punch, and it's just the bare minimum that needs to be said.
All in all, I find this an interesting read and keep up the good work!

Vivian replied · Jan 30, 2014

Thanks, and I did not notice that. It's meant to be Iris, you're right.

Vivian replied · Jan 30, 2014

It's been changed.

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review
OliveDreams wrote a review Review · Jan 27, 2014

Hi Vivian!
Olive here to review your chapter! The title caught my eye so I came to have a peek.
I will review as I read so that it will make a lot more sense to both me and you! :)

I think you need to rethink your opening chapter! There’s a lot going on and I had to reread it a few times to get my head around it all. Get straight to the point of what you’re trying to say. Let me see if I could suggest the first four opening lines;


The Queen is dying. Whispered rumours and speculations are spreading like wildfire throughout the Queendom. Who becomes the heir if the current Queen dies of natural causes? Isn’t it the rule that the Queen has to be murdered by her successor?

Your second chapter is already a million times better than the first! I have a good sense about what kind of character Iris is going to be and that’s so important for your readers to instantly connect. Good job.

Favourite line so far:

It’d be a full moon, the perfect witness to her death.

Amazing! Wish I’d thought of this for my novel.

I’ve noticed that you don’t capitalise ‘Queen’. Now, I would always capitalise it but I’m not sure what’s actually correct! Maybe @Tenyo could elaborate on this one?

How did she get the dagger back? When you said it had disappeared? Remember to cover yourself with any plot holes. Has Iris got any mythical powers or something?

I love the relationship you created between Mother and Daughter! It gave the piece a shock factor and instantly made me want to read more.

Good luck! Keep writing and let me know if you post any more parts!


Olive <3

Vivian replied · Jan 27, 2014

Thanks, I'll change the first chapter. Every woman in that family has magical powers. I'll try and elaborate that more.

Tenyo replied · Jan 27, 2014

Ah, the icky part of capitalisation.

If you're using it as a title, then you capitalise it, if you're using it as a common noun, then you don't, so, it would go like this;
'President Jack opened the door.' / 'The president opened the door.'
'It's good to see you again, Teacher.' / 'I'm glad that you're my teacher.'

Then there are those exceptions that always slip through from some old way back time, and one of those is that when you talk about the next or previous president/queen/parent, you capitalise it, because technically you're still referring to the person by the title rather than by the noun.

'His dad let's him have ice-cream.' / 'I hope my new Dad let's me have ice-cream.'
'The last Queen would have been better as a cook.' / 'The last cook would have served as a better queen.'

These are the kind of rules that sit in text books in that dusty section of the library, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. As long as it makes sense it should be alright.

This was a good comment. The writing is incredible! Very mysterious and suspenseful. Some great lines like: "Every word was planned before it was said, everything had been considered, it was the family game." I love all that's going on in this story, but I want more! More details on their special powers, what they look like, sound like. I can't wait to read more!



You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...
— Dr. Seuss