Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Running was not a safe option; in fact it was a terrible idea for a number of different reasons. But, she didn’t really have any reason not to. If she didn’t run, accepted her fate as whatever E.Z intended for her, then she would never see her mother, brothers, and Sugar ever again. If she ran she would still never see them again because she would need to focus on not getting caught. If she didn’t, she would suffer. If she did, she would suffer, either way she would suffer, except if she ran then her parents wouldn’t get the money. And if she got caught she’d be beaten and left for dead, she didn’t think anyone ever wanted such a liability back.
Yet she could run.
Korra had been taught her whole life to be smart, resilient, and resourceful. She had sold cookies for the Scouts and pictures for herself, hoarding a stash of 700 hundred Almar notes which was not nearly enough but she just needed to get far and fast. She could go off grid, if there was anything the OGS (Ocelot Girl Scouts) were good at teaching was how to live in the wild, she knew the perfect place to. She would take her bike and her pocket radio, mayhaps a camera. At least one, she had to take at least one. She needed a plan.
Unsure if she was allowed to take anything with her she packed her room into boxes, taking down her photos and sealing them in a small plastic crate. She packed one suitcase and one bag, repeatedly, because there was no way she could fit her whole life into just those two things. Her mother pulled her away from it and packed for her, telling her instead to go say goodbye to everyone. So she walked around the neighborhood with her camera and took pictures of what she wanted to remember and people she wanted to remember. Like the house at the end of the block with the pink hibiscus tree, Mr. Nereid lived there. He had been the senior citizen she was tasked with helping to get her Senior Citizen Helper badge.
He was grumpy and scary but most men she knew were. He liked to curse at her father, even to his face and took great care of his garden, hidden behind a stone wall. She helped him in his garden and sometimes cleaned his house for him while he told her stories about his wife and the wars he had fought in. Mr. Nereid sometimes left the village; he had a beat up old pickup truck with chipping Persian blue paint and on several occasions had offered her and her mother rides as neither of them had ever been in motor vehicles before. Korra had once thought she would not mind it at all if her father should relent his pride and engage her to that grumpy old man; at least he was a grumpy old man that liked her. And her father, he just liked money and status, which Mr. Nereid having been a soldier had quite a bit of both. He’d once commented that she was like the daughter he had never had and retracted it because he was too old to have a daughter so young. “A granddaughter,” he had said instead, according to Korra’s memory. He was happy to take a picture with her. He’d never been able to have kids and everyone in the village was scared of him, they thought he killed his wife. So did he.
“I’m gonna miss you, Korra,” he told her after they had taken a picture under the hibiscus tree, wiping at his eyes.
“I’ll miss you too, Mr. Nereid.”
“You know-,” he started, plucking a camellia from the tree and handing it to her, “-if you need something before you go feel free to ask.”
She looked at the closed bloom in her palm and nodded. She tucked the flower into her hair as best she could and made her way to her best friend’s house.
Sugar was not happy when she was told the news. She knew more about E.Z than Korra did. As helpless as Korra was to the situation, she didn’t let herself cry, so Sugar cried for both of them while they sat together in her room. Korra did not tell her best friend what she was thinking; she wasn’t going to make her an accomplice. If she got caught she’d rather suffer the consequences alone then drag her friend down with her. When Sugar was done crying she busied herself around the room gathering items she wanted Korra to have while Korra took a few pictures of her room. Sugar followed her as she took pictures of the village. They bought treats at the market and flour and rice for the Shack, where they went next. Korra intended to spend the next whole day developing.
“I can’t believe you’re going to be with such a dangerous man,” Sugar said while they cleaned out her cubby.
Korra nodded, “He terrifies me and I’ve only spent two, maybe three minutes with him.”
“Well then give him hell.”
“I—think I can manage that,” she said slyly. “Thank you for helping me.”
“No problem-” she set the small box of Korra’s things down on the small table with the phone, “-now you have two whole days to do whatever you want to before going.”
“Except I can’t leave the village,” Korra reminded her friend.
Placing her hands on her hips Sugar regarded the situation in a very Sugar way, “Yeah there really is nothing to do around here.” She frowned, pondering aloud, “Then how do I make your last two days memorable?”
“You still have to go to school you know,” Korra pointed out as they walked into the main room.
“Of course I don’t, I have to spend the next two days with you to make sure I am ingrained in your memory.”
Korra rolled her eyes but was happy all the same. “I’m developing tomorrow; guess you’ll be stuck here with me.”
“I guess so,” she replied with a sly, playful grin.
******
She had a way of escape. She would still take her bike because she knew Mr. Nereid could only take her so far. Korra believed she ought to go west, to Ongara where she could legally settle down if she wished. The laws of her country wouldn’t apply there, but she did not have the money to get her even part of the way. Just leave the country, figure out the rest then, she told herself. Developing her final photos she listed all that she would need and what she would actually be able to carry.
Music played softly through the Shack when she finally stepped out of the dark room. Sugar was asleep in her cot so Korra treaded softly, keeping to the carpets so as not to disturb her. Carefully she poured two cups of white rice into a small tin and placed it in her bag beside the hot cholate and coffee. Tins were safer than sacks, they couldn’t rip and, though her rucksack was waterproof, they didn’t get water in them. When she was finished packing her backpack she went over everything, taking note of how long it would last her if she was successful in going off grid.
And that was all her backpack could fit without getting too heavy.
After hiding her backpack in a corner of the dark room, she went to sleep. The following evening she packed her rucksack, Sugar had gone out for some magazines and no one else was around past eight. Everything was laid out around her so she wouldn’t forget any of it and could group them better. Since her rucksack was frameless she had to keep it relatively flat, so she used a cutting board since it had been the first thing she found. Recalling her scout training she mumbled to herself the way to pack, keeping toiletries in a Ziploc bag, wrapping her passport in her jeans, nestling her water proof matches in her spare pair of shoes. “Heavy objects in the middle and towards the back,” she muttered. “Roll your clothes, don’t fold.” Everything was about space. She even had carabiners for anything that couldn’t fit in the bag. She tested it, made sure it was of a safe weight and that it didn’t hurt her, feeling as though she was going on another camping trip with the Scouts.
On the third day her mother forced her to come back to the house, sending Kamar to get her. She wanted the four of them to spend the day together, since it would be their last. Their father was at work so Korra at least felt at ease in the house. They didn’t talk much, they never really talked to each other so much as ordered or annoyed, but they played games. Her mother did not cry, not even when they looked through their photo album. It was a good thing Korra had taken to photography, professional photographers were expensive. One of the two reasons there were very few pictures of her prior to the age of eight.
Korra moved with the knowledge that this was her last day in the house that was not home. Her last day with three members of her family she was certain loved her. And rather than feel scared about what she was going to do that night, like she expected, she felt rather light—intoxicated with the feeling of freedom, of flying. So much so that she didn’t mind Kharam asking for two stories to further avoid sleeping, nor did she mind sitting up with her mother for a little bit, playing cards. Korra hardly ever won against her mother, the woman was a great gambler, often pawning the neighborhood wives out of money along with those thieves on the streets playing dominoes. But she did let Korra have a few wins which meant she won 50 Almar Notes. Seven hundred fifty, she thought triumphantly. At last when she went to bed Kamar was waiting for her in her room, his rucksack in hand.
“Can I have your rucksack, mines ripped?”
“No, sew it back,” she replied, acting slightly annoyed by his presence in her private space.
“No, why bother when I can just take yours? You won’t be needing it.”
She rolled her eyes and sat on her bed, “Just wait ‘til I’m gone and Dad will buy you a new one.”
He twitched and glanced away, finding the subject of her absence oddly uncomfortable. She noticed and smiled, enjoying this rarity.
“If you are so insecure about your needle skills, I’ll sew it,” she said with a shrug. “You know, as the last thing I’ll ever do for you.”
He scowled, gripping the bag in his fist. “I can do it, I’m going to have to get used to doing things like this now anyways.”
She nodded in agreement, “True, but to be safe you should still let me do it.”
Grumbling he handed it over and sat at her desk while she mended the tear. He watched her intensely, but that was just how he was. Korra thought he was a strange boy, but he was also the only boy his age she had constant contact with, so her conclusion was odd. He looked down, twiddling his thumbs. The corners of his lips tugged down in a frown and she remained quiet, he was going to tell her something important and she did not intend to discourage him.
“Korra,” he said quietly, staring at the rug.
“Mm,” she replied, pretending to be focused on the task at hand.
His lip quivered, his voice trembled and when she dared a glance he was crying. She set down the bag and needle, holding out her arms. He hugged her, pressing his face in the crook of her neck. Sobs muffled against the short sleeve of her black tee. She mumbling soothing words, stroking his hair, and even hummed the lullaby they used to sing to calm him down.
Trembling, he pulled away, slumping in the bed beside her. “We can’t live without you,” he mumbled.
She smiled tightly and gently brushed tears from his cheek, “Of course you can.”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. That wasn’t what he expected to hear.
He confided in her that his teachers had told him some of the things that happened to girls who were sold, especially the fates of those bought by E.Z. He had been overcome with the horror of the simple fact that he was losing his sister and even worse, it would surely be to her death. He confided in her that he intended to run away that night, taking Kharam with him. Normally she would have told him he was stupid, normally she would have told him there was no way that in his sheltered life, regardless of their Scout training and education, could he possible survive on his own, let alone with a four year-old. Except—she didn’t want to discourage herself either. So she did the next best thing, she told him to go get ready, carefully but quickly. He already had his things laid out and Kharam’s bag packed. At least he took the time to plan, little time as they both had to make their decisions. Now all that was left for them to do was run.
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140,541 Literary Works • 673,412 Reviews
Hey, I'm here to review!
I'm somewhat iffy with this opening. It says here Korra 'didn't really have any reason not to'. Excuse me, but isn't it being dangerous is the reason? o.o' Since the following up is her considering the pros and cons of running,
Employ more punctuation marks! This sentence is a run-on - the commas aren't needed. Periods can better replace them.
While I think this is necessary information for us to know more about Mr. Nereid, the way it's laid out in one big paragraph feels like a task for us to read. I would prefer it if you wove this information throughout Korra's meeting with him. When she goes to his garden and truck, tell them about those. It's better to let reader know all of this one by one so that it doesn't take away the flow of the story.
You don't need the dashes - the commas serve their purpose just fine here.
I assume the years are the expiration date, though at first I thought it's an estimation of how long they're going to last, so I'm surprised Korra's packed white rice enough for 4 years. xD
Alright, so I'm pretty pleased with the chapter overall. It's nice to see Korra spending her time with her loved ones, and the scenes with each one of them is executed nicely. I can definitely feel the connection between Korra and those she interact with, so the fact that she's leaving is hammered harder that way.
While some of the paragraphs are big, which aren't to my liking, I find myself reading it with ease. I think the information is delivered with simplicity through them, and their lengths only serve to give the picture a more complete view instead of adding unnecessary details. I commend you for that.
Overall, there's nothing much to say about this chapter. It's basically an ending for a new start, and considering it's a risk Korra's taking, I'm sure readers will wonder what happens to her next. Apart from the punctuation errors, I think it's a solid chapter in general. Keep up the good job!
Thanks, also, those are how long they would last for, not the amount she has to survive on.
Hey Vivian! Sorry for the delay in reviewing this, but I'm here now.
Escape! Definitely exciting. I really like Korra, by the way. She's brave and practical and also really cares about other people. I'm glad Kamar is coming with her as well.
Worldbuilding
Ah, so this is modern times (or mostly modern? after all, no cell phones so far) in terms of technology. Definitely cool to see modern technology but such a different culture. My current guess is an alternate America, mostly because of the similar Girl Scouts, but I'm probably wrong and it's somewhere else. Either way, I'm really interested in the layout of the region and how this country's culture is viewed in the other countries Before this, though I'd really thought it was much more in the past, and it would be good if you could make the modern technology clearer from the start. I also think it's strange that Korra specifically never mentions her country, only calling it "the country." It feels like a deliberate attempt not to reveal the country's name, but I can't imagine why.
Pacing
Your pacing is awkward in places and probably the biggest thing you could work on.
The introduction of Mr. Nereid felt too long, too much of an info-dump. Since he's a pretty important figure in Korra's life, especially since he's going to help her escape, it feels convenient that we're only being introduced to him now that he's going to help her escape. It would be more natural if there was a brief scene with him before now, so we can see his pickup truck, the fact he's a soldier, and how much he likes Korra, rather than having to be told all of that.
You really shouldn't be telling this as a summary instead of showing it as a scene. This is a huge change in plans that should show a lot about Korra and Kamar's relationship, but by summarizing it instead of showing it, you're loosing out on the tension and the character development. I feel like I hardly know Kamar, and this scene doesn't help me get to know him. Skipping over it like this feels rushed.
Other
I thought you were going to detail what she knew after this sentence, but you didn't, and it felt like an awkward transition. Of course, I can understand if you don't want to go into detail because it would get too dark, but the way what E.Z. does is only danced around and hinted at in the story so far just feels odd. It would make more sense if it had a tone of "everyone knows" and so that's why it's never explicitly said.
And that's all I've got for you! The plot is moving right along and I really like that. Looking forward to the next part for sure.