E - Everyone

Winter's Kiss Chapter 1

FIRST SNOW

The Summer king, Imperion and the Summer queen, Celine were going to have a child. A blessing for the royal couple since the Queen had not been able to have a child in the years since she was crowned. They were happy, but something had been bothering the Queen for a while now. During the first month of her pregnancy she felt chills, not a big problem, it happened. But as the months grew on she began to complain of cold, it is impossible to feel cold in the Summer Kingdom. The King worried that she might be coming down with something and worse that it could affect their unborn child. He had all his best doctors examine her and they concluded that nothing was wrong with her. In the third month she complained the cold was worse and halfway through the fourth month she took to bed and it became hard for her to move. All her bones ached and her skin became deathly pale, when she spoke her breath was cold and visible. Imperion had all of Season searched for someone who knew what was happening to his wife. At the end of the month a man came forth and said he knows what ailed the Summer Queen. “Not only do I know what ails her”, he said “but I know how to make sure she survives this, and your child.” That man was Jack Frost, the Lord of Winter.

Imperion’s men returned to Summer with the news and despite the bad relationship between the Summer King and the Winter Lord, they agreed to meet in Autumn. The king was desperate. Enesa, the Queen of Autumn agreed to let them take residence in her palace, Jack assured Imperion nothing bad would happen to Celine if she was moved. “We must hurry, you are running out of time”, he told him. When they settled in Enesa’s palace Celine was put under constant care, her body was cold even with a dozen blankets. Imperion only left his wife’s side to confront Jack who had hastily made preparations with his own doctors. The two rulers met in a private room provided by the staff. Jack was calm but Imperion paced, he was on edge.

“The time has come Frost”, he said. “Tell me what is happening to my wife.” His voice rose with each word.

“Do you really want to know”, said Jack twirling a long wooden staff in one hand as he sat in a windowsill covered in frost. Everything he touched froze; Autumn was the farthest he could go out of Winter.

“Don’t toy with me Frost”, snapped Imperion, finally stopping. “If my wife dies I will have your head.”

Jack eyed him with narrow, amused eyes and laughed. “ Going to kill the oldest and wisest of us eh? Cheeky aren’t you?”

Imperion glared and Jack just laughed again. He stood and walked towards him, trailing ice and dragging the end of his blue cloak.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let your wife die, your daughter can’t grow up without a mother.”

Imperion looked surprised, then annoyed. “What are you talking about Frost; we don’t know whether it’s a girl or a boy, the child hasn’t been born yet.”

“Yes, that’s right, you wouldn’t know”, he said holding his staff up and eyeing it with mock interest. “It has been thousands of years since the last one. But tell me Imperion, aren’t there records of this happening, I mean it does only happen in Summer. Though it’s only happened to the royal family twice.”

“Don’t mess with me Frost, what are you talking about?” yelled Imperion.

“I’m talking about what is happening to your wife. I know it’s been recorded, and I know those records have never been lost. Every couple millenniums there is a child born in Summer with the gift of Winter’s Kiss, that child is always a girl born to a woman who before could not have a child. That woman would start feeling chills in her first month of pregnancy, it would get worse as the months go on until either the child is delivered or her body freezes and only the child survives. Only twice has that woman ever been the Summer Queen, only twice”, as he spoke his voice rose. “This has happened twenty times before, you are the twenty first king, half the times this has happened before the child was ostracized, a third of those times she was killed, another third she killed herself, and only five times in history has a child with that gift survived Imperion, only five.”

“How does this affect me?” yells Imperion. “How do you even know that is happening to Celine?”

“I’ve given you all the symptoms, I’ve told you where to find this information, if you don’t believe me go check the records”, said Jack, serious. Gaze fixed hard on the stubborn king before him “Just don’t let that happen to this child.”

“And what do you get out of this? Why does this happen only in Summer, why not Winter where the child will no doubt be accepted, hm?”

Jack shrugs. “I’m not quite sure. I think it’s God’s gift to Winter. Why the child is always born in your kingdom, maybe because the mother would be less likely to freeze to death in Summer. But what I get out of this”, his voice takes on a more playful tone as he tosses and catches his staff. “That’s a good question. You see Imperion, I want the child”, he smiles and stops his own cheeky movements. “A gift like that won’t go unnoticed in my kingdom and would be perfect for me who freezes everything I touch, a girl like that could be my queen no problem. But of course, that is up to you.” He pointed his staff at the other man.

“What? There’s no way I’ll let you have my daughter, if that’s what I’m going to have. She will be the next Summer Queen.”

“Nope, listen to me Perri. Give the child to me and you will save her a lifetime of ostracism, a gift like that wouldn’t be cherished in Summer. It would be hated, it would be taunted, the girl will have a living hell, and she will never be accepted there, not even if she is your daughter. It won’t work.”

They were silent for a moment and Imperion looked as though he just took a hard blow to the chest. But then he stood tall and straight, his gaze growing hard.

“Never”, he said. “I will never hand my child over to you, even if she is cursed with your wretched gift.” He practically spat the words and Jack smiled.

“Why not”, he asked. “Is it because you won’t have an heir, all the bearers of this child who survived all had a son afterward. You’d still have an heir. So why won’t you spare your unborn daughter the pain of being an outcast, and she will be one. In your kingdom, and the other seasons as well, except for mine. You know that, and I am warning you now because you deserve to know.”

With that said, Jack left the room, leaving Imperion to decide. But the Summer king had already made up his mind, and now that he knew what Jack would get out of it, he was even more determined not to give the child. If the child was a girl and if she did have the power of snow, then he would protect her, and keep her away from Jack. He’d hide her gift from his people, and do everything in his power to make sure what Jack said would not come to pass. When the sixth month dawned, the Queen’s stomach was covered with a thin layer of frost and she went into labor. All the while Imperion paced outside the door, back and forth, back forth, praying that it wasn’t a girl. He told himself over and over “Frost’s prediction won’t come true. He’s a crazy man; his age is getting to him. He just wants to spite me, mess with my mind. Please don’t let such a foolish prediction come true.” But his prayers were in vain, six hours passed and the doors to the labor room opened.

“Summer King”, said the midwife. “Worry not your wife and child are alright, you now have a beautiful baby girl.”

Imperion rushed in the room and stared at Celine, her form thin and frail beneath the mountain of blankets. He expected her to look a mess, like his own mother had when she had him and all three of his brothers after. But despite the surprising sheen of sweat and Celine’s limp, messy blonde hair that was once so bright, she looked okay. There was no evidence of the frost, she was still pale and cold, but other than that, fine. In her arms, wrapped in blue silk, was a small, pale thing, Imperion was sure she was too thin of a baby. He stepped closer and stood over them. The girl had thin wisps of white hair sticking out from her head. Her eyes popped open, they were an icy blue, beautiful, yet sharp. They pierced him and he staggered back, the infant made a light gurgling sound. Celine was oblivious to her husband’s feeling then, she smiled down at the little girl. “You came a full three month early, huh Molly. Couldn’t wait to see the world”, she said as the infant made efforts to punch the air, squirming in the blankets.

“Molly, is that her name”, asked Imperion. Celine turned to him.

“Yes, beautiful isn’t it?”

“Bitter”, he mumbles. Then thinking of Jack’s information “might suit her in the future if what that damn man said comes true. Listen Celine dear, the girl

“Molly”, says Celine.

“Molly”, repeat the king. "She might be different, in a way.”

“Imperion, I know what you’re trying to tell me, I read about this before in the kingdoms records, and Jack told me. If she truly has the gift of Winter’s Kiss then I can understand my strange pregnancy. What I want to tell you, sir, is that you better make sure nothing bad happens to our daughter. Jack said she her powers are strong, and will only grow as she matures. We might not be able to hide them forever.” The Queen bit her lip, a bad habit she only did when worried, Jack had told her all he knew about their daughter’s gift, and he also told her what he told her husband. The marriage offer, she didn’t tell Imperion she knew this, because she knew he was stubborn, but she was willing to consider, as a last resort. Like she said, they might not be able to hide the child’s gift forever.

The Queen stayed an extra three months in Autumn, while the King went back to Summer. She refused to let anyone else nurse the child, bathe, or feed her. To everyone but Enesa who she had trusted with that vital piece of information, Celine seemed like a very overprotective mother. One night she got a visit from the Winter Lord, a visit Imperion would never know about. He said he came to see Molly. Celine hadn’t let anyone else hold Molly, or even touch her, she was cold, the blankets didn’t help, but she let Jack hold her and warned him to be careful.

“It emits from her core”, he explained, his gaze on the sleeping infant he now held. “The cold that is, like the very embodiment of winter. It is her, and she is it.”

Celine nodded. “I suppose it would be obvious if someone hugged her then.”

Jack laughed a dry, bitter laugh. “Yes, such an awfully lonely life, not being able to touch anything or anyone without freezing them. Let’s just hope your little princess learns to control her powers, suppress the most dangerous parts of it.”

Again Celine nodded, “Let us hope.”

Jack walked around the room with Molly, singing lightly to her, though she wasn’t up. He enjoyed holding her; Celine could see that, he probably didn’t get much physical contact. She sat in an armchair, vaguely aware that she was only in a nightgown and robe in front of a man not her husband. But all his attention was on her daughter, “There’s someone who truly needs love”, she thought. “Who could truly give it.” Her eyes slid to Molly, now squirming in her sleep. “And there’s the only person in the world who could properly love him. It would be a terrible crime to keep them apart.” Celine sat brooding on an idea, slowly letting it grow, and when Jack said he was leaving she stood.

“Jack, if this doesn’t work out, then come for her. I’ll make sure she knows to find you, and she’ll be yours”, she said.

Jack looked at her, expressionless, then placed a light kiss on Molly’s cheek before putting her back in her crib. He walked to the open window where the autumn wind blew in and smiled at the Summer Queen. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that”, he said. He looked as though he truly meant it, and Celine wondered if he hadn’t already fallen in love. She inhaled deeply then strode over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Jack took in a sharp intake of breath in his surprise, but despite the bits of frost spreading on the Queen’s arms, neither pulled away. It had been a long time since anyone hugged him, let alone touched. He was a distant man, he had to be, and he hated himself for it, had once hated who he was because of the trouble it caused. Over the years he learned to live with it, he never learned to like it, just live with it. He was the first to pull away, and made sure he took the frost with him. He smiled thinly at Celine as he got in the window frame. “Have a nice night your Majesty”, he said and she nodded “To you as well my Lord.” Jack went home, slightly dazed, but happy. Someone had hugged him, the first in three thousand years. He really did treasure it.

Molly and the Queen went back to Summer, and for six years they raised the child, trusting only a few with her secret. But in those six years her powers grew, and Celine noticed she had the same temperature as Jack. Her own body temperature had slightly dropped when she was pregnant with Molly, now she was pregnant again, sure it would be a boy. Molly was sure too, because that’s what she had been told. They didn’t let her touch the Queen, or the King, it was his orders. She was not allowed outside, they stopped letting her leave the palace grounds two years ago, and just recently stopped letting her leave the palace. When she laughed things close covered gently with flurry, and she could frost things like Jack could, just by touching them. She was the strongest, Celine and Imperion had read through all the records three times, and none were as strong as her, none of their powers matured this quickly. They made a heavy decision then, neither of them wanted to face it and Celine wasn’t ready to give her up yet. So they cleared a wing of the palace, the north wing, perfect for her, and moved all of Molly’s things into the tower there. They would’ve just made it a room, but she was getting too strong too fast and the halls above and beneath her room were freezing cold, frost creeped up around and on her doors. The room was filled with ice. It had to be the tower.

Celine was the one to show Molly her new room, despite the advice of those around her, by now the whole kingdom knew what Molly could do, and they were afraid. There were stories of people like her, old legends now obviously real, and someone had squealed that she was stronger than the ones before, that she was freezing the palace. Things weren’t looking good. Celine held Molly’s hand with her own bare one, the child was only a little bit over three feet, hardly knew the world. She couldn’t be so dangerous for people to be afraid of her. Yet Celine knew that as wrong while she thought it, Molly wasn’t intentionally dangerous, she didn’t realize what her powers could do, not yet anyways. Celine’s hand was beginning to frost, from too much contact. She crouched down to look Molly in the eyes.

“Now Molly dear”, she started. “From today onward you’ll be living in here okay?” she motion to the tower room before them and the child nodded. “I’m sorry but you’ll have to live alone, but while you’re in here, you have to promise Mommy that you’ll practice your special gift, okay?”

“Yes Mommy”, she said.

“Alright, I’m going to come visit you as much as I can okay, and when your baby brother’s born I’ll bring him, until then practice. Once you have your powers under control you can leave here, and then you’ll be able to go meet that nice man I told you about before, the one with gifts just like yours.”

“He won’t be afraid of me will he”, Molly asked, sadness lining her voice. She could see the frost on her mother’s hands where she held her shoulders.

Celine flinched, they had not wanted this, Jack was right, Molly's life would be filled with sadness. Celine began to cry, not realizing it even as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Molly lifted one small hand and wiped her mother’s cheeks, trailing another thin layer of frost as she did. “No dear”, said Celine, “He won’t be afraid of you and you can’t be afraid of him. He needs you, you’ll see that when you meet him. Now be a good girl, and let’s get you ready for bed.” Molly nodded and they went down the winding staircase to a room below the bedroom where a tub filled with steaming hot water stood. She tried not to freeze the water as she had done countless times before. It cooled instantly, but didn’t freeze. Not like cold was a problem with her; the only problem was hiding it.

Molly’s life in the tower began. Everyday her maid, a twelve year old name Nora came in with her food, helped her dress and did her hair, but eventually Molly started to do that on her own. Everyday Celine would come visit her, but eventually stopped in the last few months of her pregnancy, so Molly wasn’t quite sure when the baby was delivered, or if it was a boy, and Nora never spoke to her. The King only came once, but found the room too cold to bear, everyone who had entered the room so far always wore heavy winter clothes. Besides Nora, there was her tutor Egor, who came for two hours every day to teach her, Nora always sat with them, the seamstress who came twice a month, though Molly was extremely thin. She had little contact from anything living, and was glad she had the bit of human contact she could get. When she was alone she immersed herself in her studies, played with her powers a bit, drew, hummed wordless songs and messed with her hair, trying out her own styles. She did everything she could think of not to get bored, not to notice the loneliness. It didn’t work, and her emotions showed. The room had frozen over, except for the floor with had a thin sheet of snow, the walls were covered in frost and in some places ice. She didn’t know how to stop it. So she practiced making it.

She liked to make things out of ice, like dolls. She found she was very good at detail and made things as exact as she could. She made the palace from her memory of it, she made the king’s crown. Molly couldn’t remember it exactly, so she made up some of it. It sparkled like the real crown, it just didn’t have the colors. But still she made it. After the crown she tried making her Mother, it didn’t turn out right. She tried again, and again, it hadn’t been long since she last saw her Mother, just a few months, her memory of her was perfect. Wondering if she couldn’t make people, she tried making her tutor, Egor. She could, she made him three feet tall, half his size, with the moustache and glasses. Then she tried Nora, who seemed too somber for a twelve year old. She made her bed, the bookshelf, the books, shoes, just not her Mother. It made good practice, and she was keeping her promise. Still, she wished to see her mother, and wouldn’t see her for the next two years.

She missed the queen, who was her only friend, the only person she was sure wasn’t afraid of her. Imperion was afraid of her. She saw it in his eyes, that day he came to visit. He hadn’t stayed long and barely spoke, except for a few complaints about the cold and to tell her this was for the best. He hadn’t touched her, though she had tried to hug him. “Maybe that’s why Mommy isn’t coming”, Molly thought aloud. “Maybe the King told her not to, it isn’t like I can control my powers. If I could stop the frost from spreading I would, if I could I wouldn’t be in this tower.” As she said it, she realized she was angry, then realized that beneath that she was sad. Angry because she couldn’t control herself, and sad because it meant she couldn’t be around people, it made them afraid of her. The room grew colder, the ice grew thick along the walls and creeped to the floors beneath. The whole tower was cold, filled with snow that wouldn’t melt. It stayed like this for the next three years. Molly stayed in the tower, frustrated and determined. But that could only last for so long.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
pinkflutegirl
Review

Hey! Pink here for a review!

This chapter was really well written. I really loved the story(: I loved how you have two very different kingdoms. I like your idea of using seasons, it's really well thought-out. You put a lot of descriptions about the characters that makes you feel sympathy for them. I love the name Celine, it's a very lovely name! I didn't see any mistakes, to be honest. I enjoyed reading this chapter! Especially, when Molly is has grown. I can't wait for future chapters!!!

Great Job! "You go Glenn Coco!"(;

-Pink

9/10

User avatar
Firepower13
Review

Can I first and foremost say that I love the idea of a world split up into seasons? It's a cool concept, and the fact that you have it in a medieval realm makes it work even better.

Despite that, there are a few thinks I want to point out. For one, the names are sort of goofy. Some of them are very old-fashioned, like Celine. That makes sense, because it is an old-fashioned world. But then you have a few names like Jack and Molly that break that pattern and can leave your reader confused as to when the story takes place.

You also have a bit of a problem with run-on sentences. Your descriptions are pretty good, but you sometimes go overboard with them and try to cram too many into one sentence.

I'll fix the run on sentences but I'm already extremely attached to the main character's name and Jack. Thank you for your review, glad you liked it.

User avatar
artemis15sc
Review

Hello, let me start with what I loved.

The story had such a beautiful vibe to it. I found myself getting wrapped up in the world, which was awesome. Overall it's a great premise for a story, you've already introduced a nice, primal conflict, will she be with her family or where he power can be respected?

Let me introduce a few grammar things:

1. Run on sentences: You have quite a few run on sentences, and several commas that should be periods and some other punctuation. if you're not quite sure how to format sentences, trying just sticking to only one or two phrases in a sentences, or only have one or two things happen in a sentences. You may need some complex sentences with lots of things happening, but you want to keep those to a minimum anyway. They slow down the story and make it hard to read.

All her bones ached and her skin became deathly pale, when she spoke her breath was cold and visible.
Here's an example of a run-on sentence, and the three main ways you can fix this and other run-on sentences. You could make it a period, a semi-colon, or make it "...deathly pale, and when she..." Which on these you should do depends on the sentences and how you want it to read.

2. Punctuation in dialogue: You have two problems here, which I will show through this sentence.

“Bitter”, he mumbles. Then thinking of Jack’s information “might suit her in the future if what that damn man said comes true. Listen Celine dear, the girl—”


Punctuation always goes inside the quotation mark. Always. And no dialogue and dialogue always need to be separated by punctuation. So this sentences should be:

“Bitter,” he mumbles. Then thinking of Jack’s information, “might suit her in the future if what that damn man said comes true. Listen Celine dear, the girl—”


3.
Not like cold was a problem with her; the only problem was hiding it.

This sentences is just a little off. Either add "It is/It's" to the beginning or delete the "Not like" it's your choice.

4.

Also there were a few times were your characters asked a question but you put a comma instead of a question mark.

Other stuff:
While I definitely liked this, I'm not really a fan of how you started it, or ended it, or some of what you did in the middle. Let me explain.

It was very tell-y. I felt very removed from the story, like someone was just telling me a bunch of things that happened in some far away without showing me what was happening or letting me experience it along with your characters. Also, saying things like "They were happy" or "She was sad" don;t really do much for your story. They don't really tell anything, or they tell us things in a really bland way. Let us how being sad happy, worried, scared etc...impacts them physically. What does it make them do? What does it make them think? This will make your characters more distinct and allows us to identify with them more. They'll feel like people.

This wasn't true for the whole chapter. When you got into a scene is was intense and captivating, but you want the whole chapter to be intense and captivating. I honestly think you cut a lot of it out, and replace it with more "in the moment action" as I like to call. I honestly think you could cut the first two paragraphs and jump right into the scene with the King and Jack Frost, with just a little background information.

Let me know if this makes sense, or if you have any further questions.

Overall, it's an interesting, intriguing story set in a stunning, captivating landscape. It was beautiful crafted, and it's got all the makings of a great story.

Thank you for writing!

-Art

Thanks for your review I'll work on those things and hopefully get back to the site with a new draft. I'm so glad you like it. :D



Cheat your landlord if you can and must, but do not try to shortchange the Muse. It cannot be done. You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.
— William S. Burroughs