z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Corrupted Courage Chapter 5

by Vita


Mayor Ezra Harris was not a frightening man. It was part of what made him so dangerous.

He was short and flabby, with the corpse-pale skin of a creature best suited to dwelling underground. Although he wasn’t particularly old, his head was completely bald, and so shiny I wondered if he polished it.

When I came in, he was standing with his back to me, watching the sun go down through a large window behind his desk.

It wasn’t a real window, of course. A screen mounted on the wall showed a beach of sugary white sand and a sea gilded in the warm light of a stunning sunset. As I watched, the first few stars appeared in the darkening sky.

For a city kid like me, such scenes of nature were like wild fantasies. Even knowing that I was deep underground, this still felt like the closest I had come to a world I had only seen in pictures and read about in books.

I wondered if there was really anywhere so pristine left in the world, or if this footage was a relic from the past.

The mayor turned around, a smile rearranging his features around eyes that remained as cold as a stone statue’s.

“Miss Wyler! How lovely to see you. And may I say you are looking as charming as ever!” As long as I had known him, Mayor Harris always kept up an appearance of jovial good humor, even in his more illicit dealings. It was as though he was canvassing for votes even as he cheated the system.

“Please, sir,” I said politely. “Call me Maisie.” I knew it would make him happy to see me play along with his pageantry.

“Wonderful, wonderful, Maisie! Please, take a seat."

I didn’t move from my position by the door. I felt like a schoolgirl standing in front of the principal’s desk.

“Sit, sit!” The mayor coaxed cheerfully, gesturing towards a heavy wood chair in front of his desk. His smile didn’t waver, but his stone-colored eyes gave a dangerous glint. There was nothing the mayor hated more than not getting his way.

Trying to suppress a grimace, I lowered myself painfully into the chair. My broken ribs sent up a flare of pain so intense it made me dizzy for a moment. I repositioned the ice pack the doctor had given me and tried to take shallow breaths. After a moment, the pain in my chest died down to a dull throb.

The mayor pretended to notice my ice pack and stiff posture for the first time.

“Oh dear, Miss Maisie! You’re hurt!” He said, fake concern dripping from his voice like blood from a knife. “However did this happen?”

“Y’know, just, um, fighting bank robbers? Like you told me to?” It came out sounding like a question.

This was what I hated about Mayor Harris. Even when I knew what he was capable of, his fake friendliness always knocked me off balance. Everyone knew to avoid a poisonous snake, but what did you do with a snake that smiled at you?

“And an excellent job you’ve done of it!” The smile was back, all signs of concern for my well being gone. “People will be positively buzzing! A return to the golden age of superheroes! A new era of hope and prosperity! Yes, they’ll lap it right up!”

“I’m sure people will be glad of some optimism, sir,” I said, carefully keeping my expression neutral.

“Optimism, exactly! Do you mind if I use that in my speech tomorrow?”

“Not at all, sir,” I answered.

“Wonderful, wonderful. Yes, you’ve done an excellent job. All the news channels are covering it.”

“Thank you, sir,” I replied.

“A success like this deserves a reward,” The mayor continued. I felt my heart lift. Perhaps he really would keep up his end of the bargain.

Mayor Harris reached under his desk and pulled out a bottle of champagne and two crystal glasses. 

"A little treat, to celebrate a special occasion," the mayor announced. 

But I had already treated myself to a sweet sip of hope, and had found it went down bitter.

“I’m not old enough to drink,” I said quickly. With my head already spinning from pain and exhaustion, alcohol was the last thing I needed.

The mayor smiled at me conspiratorially. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Mayor Harris popped the cork on the bottle. I flinched at the loud bang, remembering gunshots ricocheting off metal. He poured two glasses and held one out to me. I looked at it blankly.

“Take it, Maisie,” the mayor whispered, a thread of a warning weaving in his voice. “I paid 500 credits for this champagne. It would be ungrateful not to drink it.”

I reached out a shaking hand and gripped the slender stem of the glass. My hands felt too clumsy to handle the delicate crystal, as though my callouses would scratch the smooth surface, as though the dirt under my nails would stain the polished crystal.

I looked at the carved crystal glass, finer than anything my family owned. Droplets of condensation dripped down its surface like the tears that had coated my mother’s cheeks when the doctors told her how much the surgery would cost. Tears she had held back when she got the diagnoses.

The money spent on this glass of champagne could have bought my family a month of groceries. It could have bought my sister new shoes and a new coat, it could have paid off the rent we owed. And to think the mayor guzzled this stuff like he guzzled up the tax money we scrimped and saved to pay.

I remembered the day my little sister came home crying, because her school art class was dropped due to budget cuts. A special about the mayor’s new private jet had been playing on the news that day.

Now my mother was dying, and I was betting all my chips on a crooked man’s promise of help. If I was going to wear this costume, the least I could do was save my family. Whatever it took.

I opened my hand and let the glass fall to the floor. It shattered, shards of crystal like spilled diamonds on the floor. The shards caught the light and threw little gleams across the floor, like shadows in reverse. They were beautiful, even though they were broken, just like my city. Just like my family. Perhaps just like the whole world.

I leaned forward, feeling every bruise, cut and scrape I had acquired that night in his service. I’d held up my end of the deal, now it was time to collect on his.

The mayor wasn’t smiling now. His flat gray eyes were as fierce as a stone gargoyle’s.

I had his attention now.


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158 Reviews


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Mon Jul 27, 2020 7:06 pm
Hkumar wrote a review...



Hi Vita!

I haven't reviewed your chapters from a long time so I decided I'll get back on them. I really liked the funny way with which your described the Mayor's features in the beginning. It seems he's one of the main culprits whose behind the major corruption and scams in the city, after all he's the one who recruited Maisie for this job to seek public attention.
I have said this a number of times before but truly your descriptions are always amazing. You use the right set of words with some really good imagery to give a very vivid description. You let the readers know the pain and frustration building inside Maisie because of his guileful attitude. The way he was talking to Maisie clearly showed his shrewd and deceptive nature.

"A little treat, to celebrate a special occasion," the mayor announced.

But I had already treated myself to a sweet sip of hope, and had found it went down bitter.

The way you wrote about the reaction that Maisie had was to the point. She was hoping some money as a reward for her bravery but instead it seemed like the Mayor has no intention of giving her the rightful reward she deserved. The Mayor is playing with her as if she's some immature silly girl but the end was very exciting. It was really a smart and bold move to just drop that glass and show that she isn't here to party with him. She needed to put her cards on the table and come to the point.
I will try to catch up with the remaining chapters. Your work is always really interesting to read.

Great work!
Keep writing :D




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Sat Jul 04, 2020 7:34 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we continue past the halfway point.

First Impression: Well Maisie is not going to play nice which is the best thing to do indeed. And looks like we have the actual business talk scheduled for the next chapter.

Anyway let's get to it.

He was short and flabby, with the corpse-pale skin of a creature best suited to dwelling underground. Although he wasn’t particularly old, his head was completely bald, and so shiny I wondered if he polished it.


Great description there. He does polish it.

I wondered if there was really anywhere so pristine left in the world, or if this footage was a relic from the past.


This world is sounding more and more horrible the more we hear about it.

This was what I hated about Mayor Harris. Even when I knew what he was capable of, his fake friendliness always knocked me off balance. Everyone knew to avoid a poisonous snake, but what did you do with a snake that smiled at you?


Nice touch of her thoughts there. All the emotion is conveyed really well during this conversation.

“Take it, Maisie,” the mayor whispered, a thread of a warning weaving in his voice. “I paid 500 credits for this champagne. It would be ungrateful not to drink it.”


Well, he went a touch too far there.

The money spent on this glass of champagne could have bought my family a month of groceries. It could have bought my sister new shoes and a new coat, it could have paid off the rent we owed. And to think the mayor guzzled this stuff like he guzzled up the tax money we scrimped and saved to pay.

I remembered the day my little sister came home crying, because her school art class was dropped due to budget cuts. A special about the mayor’s new private jet had been playing on the news that day.


Nice bit of backstory inserted there. Good placement too. If we learned this any earlier it would have broken up the flow. Here it's just about right.

I opened my hand and let the glass fall to the floor. It shattered, shards of crystal like spilled diamonds on the floor. The shards caught the light and threw little gleams across the floor, like shadows in reverse. They were beautiful, even though they were broken, just like my city. Just like my family. Perhaps just like the whole world.

I leaned forward, feeling every bruise, cut and scrape I had acquired that night in his service. I’d held up my end of the deal, now it was time to collect on his.

The mayor wasn’t smiling now. His flat gray eyes were as fierce as a stone gargoyle’s.

I had his attention now.


Oh yeah that's how you stand up to the scum Maisie. I'm coming to really like our protagonist here.

And that's it.

Overall: I love the you portray the mayor. We instantly dislike his character and can't sympathize with him at all. Great characterization again. It's been really impressive so far. The dialogue is also great.

I don't think I had a single thing to point out in this one. It was just really well written so great job.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Tue May 05, 2020 1:38 pm
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Tawsif wrote a review...



Hi, Vita. Well, I'm back to reviewing your nvel again!

I like this chapter. You're doing a great job in portraying the anger and frustrations of the MC. I like your narrative as well. You've used some wonderful yet ironic words throughout the story.

"He was short and flabby, with the corpse-pale skin of a creature best suited to life underground."

I think it's better if you write '......best suited to underground life'. No?

Everyone knew to avoid a poisonous snake, but what did you do with a snake that smiled at you?

Oh, I love this line! Very striking words, Vita!

Thank you, Sir

I think you capitalized 'Sir' by mistake.

The shards caught the light and threw little gleams across the floor, like shadows in reverse. They were beautiful, even though they were broken, just like my city. Just like my family. Perhaps just like the whole world.

Time and again you use these deep, literary descriptions that really fascinate me. Well done!

I'd love to read the next parts. Do tag me when the next part is out.

KEEP WRITING.




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Fri May 01, 2020 12:50 am
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Hijinks wrote a review...



Hello Vita! I've returned for another review on this wonderful chapter!

Despite the fact that this is pretty short, you manage to fit a lot of descriptions, emotions, and plot into the short amount of text, without being overwhelming.

I really only noticed one small grammatical error -

“Wonderful, wonderful, Maisie! Please, take a seat.

Just a small detail - you forgot the closing quotation mark here.

And I really love the small bits of imagery you drop throughout the chapter, for example:

“Oh dear, Miss Maisie! You’re hurt!” He said, fake concern dripping from his voice like blood from a knife. “However did this happen?”

I love how you described his tone of voice here! It's original but deadly accurate!

I have a couple of very small wording suggestions.

He was short and flabby, with corpse-pale skin of a creature best suited to life underground.

I would add just a couple of words to this sentence to make it easier to read:
He was short and flabby, with the corpse-pale skin of a creature that was best suited to life underground.

Other than that, this was a lovely chapter! I enjoy how you give the reader information, without making it feel like you're presenting facts.

Droplets of condensation dripped down its surface like the tears that had coated my mother’s cheeks when the doctors told her how much the surgery would cost. Tears she had held back when she got the diagnoses.

It can be hard not to just state things, so that the reader will know what's going on, but you definitely have mastered the art of letting readers know without telling them.

Overall, well done!! I hope this review was helpful, and I look forward to reading more chapters in the future!

Keep writing!

Whatchamacallit




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Thu Apr 30, 2020 10:48 pm
Vita says...



If anyone reading this has suggestions for an alternate title for the novel, I'd love to hear them! :)





"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt