Corrupted Courage Chapter 2

by Vita

Published April 12, 2020

16+ Language Violence

In Corrupted Courage

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The wind whistled in my ears as I fell, arms outstretched like wings. The adrenaline was sweet as a sugar rush, cleansing all doubt. There was only the fall, and the sudden stop at the end.

At the last second, I tucked in my arms and legs and landed in a crouch, somersaulting to absorb the impact and coming up ready to fight. But there was no one to fight, not yet. I was alone on the roof of a stolen armored car, speeding down a busy city street.

The wind nearly tore me off the roof. Rain stung my eyes. I couldn’t stay up there; I had to get off the roof.

Below, in the car, the gunfire had stopped. I heard a male voice exclaim.

“What in the name of hell was that?” And he sounded so confused, so utterly confounded, I almost had to laugh.

I scrambled to the back of the car, where the doors swung open and flapped like fans in the wind. Gripping the edge, I swung down, hanging for a brief breathless second over speed blurred asphalt, and then bam! My feet connected with soft flesh, I heard a grunt, and then I was swinging out, out again, like a pendulum, rain blinding me, and then on the next swing inward I let go, and landed in a heap, stolen money fluttering around me like dry leaves.

I was on my feet again in a moment, no time to catch my breath. The interior of the armored car was cramped, not much maneuverability.

Two guys with big guns were staring at me in shock, a third, presumably the one I kicked, was moaning on the floor.

These guys were clearly amateurs; in their surprise they hadn’t even raised their guns. I took advantage and charged, my knives raised. But I underestimated my opponent, he dodged, and I stabbed air. He brought the butt of his gun down hard, aimed at my head. I jumped back, but not far enough. The gun smashed into my shoulder and I stumble, nearly falling.

My first instinct was to zap this guy, but I knew I had to save my strength. Using my power always left me weak and exhausted afterwards, best to avoid it if I could.

Instead, I retaliated with a blow to the side of his knee. He went down hard, and I pinned one flailing arm with a knife blade through the palm. The blade, cruelly sharp, sliced through muscle, tendon, and even the metal floor of the car with ease. He was trapped.

I gripped my remaining knife even tighter and spun to meet my second attacker.

He was ready for me, gun raised and pointed at my head. I was faster though. I forced the muzzle up, away from me. The gun went off with a deafening bang, and suddenly the car was full of ricocheting bullets.

Glass shattered behind me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the driver turn around in his seat, glass from the windshield in his skin.

“ Just kill the bitch already!” He screamed, spit flying from his mouth.

I glanced over at him just long enough to see he wasn’t an immediate threat, then returned to my current predicament. I ripped the gun from my opponent’s hands and jammed an elbow into his windpipe. He sagged against the wall with a gurgle.

And that was when everything went wrong

Without warning, a blow from behind sent spots dancing across my vision. I shook my head to clear it and turned, already preparing for a fight.

It’s the first guard I took out. Blood was pouring from his nose, but he was on his feet, and clearly I had made him pretty angry. I tried to get my knife up, but he grabbed my arm and threw me against the far wall with a guttural scream.

I felt something crack as I collapsed to the floor, money blowing past my eyes and out the open doors. There was a moment’s quiet, a silent gasping moment of expectant peace, before the pain hit.

When it hit, it was the worst pain I’d ever felt. I sucked in a gasp- big mistake. Firecrackers went off, in my chest and behind my eyelids.

Hot, embarrassing tears pricked my eyes. What are you doing? I admonished myself. You are a superhero.

I wasn’t, though. I wasn’t a hero. I was just a seventeen-year-old girl from the Rubigo District, trying to get ahead. Justice, truth, and valor? Maybe Moxie stood for those things, but Maisie didn’t. Maisie just wanted to survive.

I tried to get to my feet, but the pain knocked me over like a tidal wave. I opened my eyes and saw the man who threw me aiming a kick at my stomach. That was the breaking point.

My ears popped as the smell of ozone burned my nostrils. My hair stood on end, and instinct took over.

I reached out for the power I knew was there. It responded, warm and eager to do my bidding. Fire flooded my veins and the dark night suddenly seemed bright as day. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion. I saw the thief’s steel-tipped boot swinging toward me like a wrecking ball. It all seemed like an easy problem to solve, suddenly.

I flung out one violet-gloved hand, and I heard a voice that didn’t sound like me scream.

“Enough!”

Electricity crackled. Sparks flew. The thief who had been about to kick me flew across the truck. The thieves I’d already taken out jerked as the electricity passed through the metal body of the truck.

I got to my feet. The pain was still there, but it was trivial now. I felt invincible. Sparks crackled through my mane of curly hair. I could feel my heartbeat in every cell.

The driver was slumped over the wheel; steam was rising from the dashboard. I looked at my fallen foes.

“There’s a reason I was hired for this job, you know,” I hissed through clenched teeth.

The driverless car was starting to swerve off the road. Everything was still in slow motion. I stood for a split second, at the edge of the truck. I saw the faces of bystanders gaping at me as I tore past. I saw red and blue lights in hot pursuit. I saw the stars, usually obscured by the smog, revealed by my enhanced vision. I imagined they were looking back at me from far away. And then I jumped.

For the second time that night, I tucked in my arms and legs and landed in a somersault. I popped back to my feet, checking to make sure my mask was still in place.

The adrenaline from using my powers was starting to wear off, and my ribs hurt. A lot.

Behind me, the armored car crashed into a wall with a jarring crash of screeching metal. In their heightened state, my senses were overwhelmed. I doubled over, clapping my hands over my ears. My head hurt. I clenched my eyes shut, feeling them start to water again.

When the cacophony died down, I straightened up to find a crowd of onlookers, and news crews setting up their cameras. Outside the circle of faces, police cars pulled up. It was show time.

I straightened my spine. Time to see if the mayor’s speechwriter is any good.

“As you can clearly see, a group of nefarious thugs have committed an attack on the well-being of this fair city.”

My voice sounded weak. My ribs were really starting to hurt. Stronger, I thought, got to put on a show.

“While law abiding people perform honest work to make their money, these villains pursued a career of crime and greed”

That’s better. I raised my voice to be heard of the muttering crowd.

“Once, Superheroes protected all good people from the forces of evil. But over time, people grew complacent. They rejected the protection of their champions. They chose to be weak.”

The crowd was no longer muttering. They were listening.

“Since then, humanity has been increasingly plagued by crime, terrorism, and violence. We have come to see senseless death as a part of life. We have been desensitized.”

I took a deep breath and continued.

“But no more. Today, a new hero rises from the dust. A new age of safety and prosperity begins. As my first act of heroism, I have vanquished these foes of peace and hope and delivered them into the hands of justice. I am the protector of Novus City, and of all who lead honest and good lives. I fight for justice, truth, and valor, for the protection of the good and upstanding people of this city. My name is Moxie. And if you need me, I’ll be there.”

With my speech finished, I wasn’t sure what to do. I stood there, my chest heaving, staring at the crowd staring back at me. My earpiece crackled to life, saving me from the awkwardness.

“Good work Moxie. You’re clear to return to base,” Bates said, his tone unreadable.

Trying not to let my screaming ribs slow my movements, I pulled a small compact harpoon gun from my belt. It was military grade, bought on the black market and painted purple by one of the mayor’s countless task rabbits.

I aimed at the top of a nearby building and fired. After giving the carbon fiber line a good tug to make sure it was secure, I saluted the crowd and escaped into the night.

As the crowd of upturned faces grew smaller and smaller below me, I looked up at the stars, which were rapidly growing fainter as my vision returned to normal. It was over. I could only hope I had put on enough of a show to impress my employer.

My mother’s life depended on it.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
RadDog13579
Review
RadDog13579 wrote a review Review · Sep 21, 2020

Hi @Vita, RadDog here to review chapter II of Corrupted Courage. I'm really liking these fighting scenes, they feel full of action and very realistic. Though at some parts it was a little hard to follow so I would look into that. I'd like to have some expansion on this part:

I wasn’t, though. I wasn’t a hero. I was just a seventeen-year-old girl from the Rubigo District, trying to get ahead. Justice, truth, and valor? Maybe Moxie stood for those things, but Maisie didn’t. Maisie just wanted to survive.


It would be nice to get a little bit more backstory. Overall a great 2nd chapter that helped world build and introduce characters. I can't wait to read chapter III. Until then, happy writing!

-RadDog

User avatar
kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Jul 4, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And we continue on.

First Impression: Well that was a pretty good fight scene besides a couple of nitpicks that I'll break down below. And that was a pretty heavy ending line right there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

At the last second, I tucked in my arms and legs and landed in a crouch, somersaulting to absorb the impact and coming up ready to fight. But there was no one to fight, not yet. I was alone on the roof of a stolen armored car, speeding down a busy city street.


Okay, pretty bad idea right there. Somersaulting after landing is just going to make the fall worse. What you want to do is a three point roll. You'll still come up standing and it actually does absorb the impact. Just a little bit of a nitpick.

I scrambled to the back of the car, where the doors swung open and flapped like fans in the wind. Gripping the edge, I swung down, hanging for a brief breathless second over speed blurred asphalt, and then bam! My feet connected with soft flesh, I heard a grunt, and then I was swinging out, out again, like a pendulum, rain blinding me, and then on the next swing inward I let go, and landed in a heap, stolen money fluttering around me like dry leaves.


That's a lovely entrance right there.

Two guys with big guns were staring at me in shock, a third, presumably the one I kicked, was moaning on the floor.


So they just stopped firing their guns because she landed? In the previous chapter they were still firing.

The gun smashed into my shoulder and I stumble, nearly falling.


That should be stumbled.

My first instinct was to zap this guy, but I knew I had to save my strength. Using my power always left me weak and exhausted afterwards, best to avoid it if I could.


Okay bit of a problem here. The fact that she wants to avoid her powers so much suggests she gets tired enough that it could be a problem for her but later when she actually uses her power she doesn't show much of an effect. Certainly not enough of an effect such that the tiredness seems more than the usual amount you get from kicking and punching in general.

Instead, I retaliated with a blow to the side of his knee. He went down hard, and I pinned one flailing arm with a knife blade through the palm. The blade, cruelly sharp, sliced through muscle, tendon, and even the metal floor of the car with ease. He was trapped.


The back of the knee is where you usually want to hit to bring someone down. The side doesn't really do anything.

I gripped my remaining knife even tighter and spun to meet my second attacker.


So he patiently stood there awaiting his turn instead of firing as soon as she attacked his partner? Seems very unlikely.

I forced the muzzle up, away from me. The gun went off with a deafening bang, and suddenly the car was full of ricocheting bullets.


That will burn your hand pretty good. He was already firing a lot from what you said earlier and now he fires again so her hand should have a big ol' scorch mark on it. The muzzle of a gun tends to ridiculously hot.

Without warning, a blow from behind sent spots dancing across my vision. I shook my head to clear it and turned, already preparing for a fight.

It’s the first guard I took out. Blood was pouring from his nose, but he was on his feet, and clearly I had made him pretty angry. I tried to get my knife up, but he grabbed my arm and threw me against the far wall with a guttural scream.

I felt something crack as I collapsed to the floor, money blowing past my eyes and out the open doors. There was a moment’s quiet, a silent gasping moment of expectant peace, before the pain hit.

When it hit, it was the worst pain I’d ever felt. I sucked in a gasp- big mistake. Firecrackers went off, in my chest and behind my eyelids.

Hot, embarrassing tears pricked my eyes. What are you doing? I admonished myself. You are a superhero.


This part of the fight is really well done here. The pacing is amazing and the descriptions especially of the emotions flashing through her head are really awesome.

My ears popped as the smell of ozone burned my nostrils. My hair stood on end, and instinct took over.

I reached out for the power I knew was there. It responded, warm and eager to do my bidding. Fire flooded my veins and the dark night suddenly seemed bright as day. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion. I saw the thief’s steel-tipped boot swinging toward me like a wrecking ball. It all seemed like an easy problem to solve, suddenly.

I flung out one violet-gloved hand, and I heard a voice that didn’t sound like me scream.

“Enough!”

Electricity crackled. Sparks flew. The thief who had been about to kick me flew across the truck. The thieves I’d already taken out jerked as the electricity passed through the metal body of the truck.


OH YES!!! My favorite superpower is lightning (because that's my personal favorite to use personally and now I love this character even more.

The driverless car was starting to swerve off the road. Everything was still in slow motion. I stood for a split second, at the edge of the truck. I saw the faces of bystanders gaping at me as I tore past. I saw red and blue lights in hot pursuit. I saw the stars, usually obscured by the smog, revealed by my enhanced vision. I imagined they were looking back at me from far away. And then I jumped.


Wasn't this like a busy street. No one got run over by this truck?

The adrenaline from using my powers was starting to wear off, and my ribs hurt. A lot.


Here if you want to show the power usage having an effect you need to show her breathing heavily, maybe sweating. Some indicator of fatigue from the power. Besides the ribs, you get practically nothing.

“But no more. Today, a new hero rises from the dust. A new age of safety and prosperity begins. As my first act of heroism, I have vanquished these foes of peace and hope and delivered them into the hands of justice. I am the protector of Novus City, and of all who lead honest and good lives. I fight for justice, truth, and valor, for the protection of the good and upstanding people of this city. My name is Moxie. And if you need me, I’ll be there.”


Well sounds like a good speech. 10/10.

My mother’s life depended on it.


Now that's what I call an ending. Great place to end on.

And that's it for this chapter.

Overall: Really well done fight scene besides those couple of things I pointed out. The plot sounds really interesting and we're getting a really great picture of the personality of our protagonist so that's great.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

User avatar
Hkumar
Review
Hkumar wrote a review Review · Apr 21, 2020

Hi @Vita!
Sorry I am a little late. The first chapter introduced us to a new hero and now we finally get to see her live action scenes. The way you have described everything really made it look like an actual action scene from a movie. The fight scene was done nicely and did not feel to be boring. We get to know about some of her powers, those electrical shocks that she used on those villains. Initially I wan't expecting any such kind of metahuman abilities from her but this revelation added further excitement in the story. I wonder what else this character can do and also that she is so young! This explained why she was so nervous for her first public appearance as a hero. But she isn't doing any of all this just for the sake of humanity. There's some hidden motives and the cliffhanger at the end promises that we have some nice story coming up.
Overall I enjoyed this chapter and will try to go for the next one soon.
Keep writing! :)

User avatar
Tawsif
Review
Tawsif wrote a review Review · Apr 18, 2020

Okay, another good chapter.

Nothing much happened here. The MC took the criminals down in a car, made her first public appearance as a superhero, and then there's a massive cliffhanger at the end that says that the MC's mother's life is in danger. This is getting interesting.

Here's a few typos:

'Using my power always left me weak and exhausted afterwards, best to void it if I could.'

The 'void' should be 'avoid' here.

'Instead, I retaliated with a blow to the side of the knee.'

Better if you write 'his knee' instead.

'I heard a voice that didn’t sound like me scream'

You probably meant 'my scream' or 'a scream' here.

Decent and chapter captivating chapter indeed.

KEEP WRITING.

Vita replied · Apr 21, 2020

Thanks for your review!

User avatar
GlasweJane
Review
GlasweJane wrote a review Review · Apr 16, 2020

Hi there!

A little review on chapter two now - just as enjoyable as chapter one. A few grammatical and spelling errors, but I see that this has been already pointed out to you and would rather discuss the positives of this chapter.

Fast paced action and a powerful hero - I like it! We are starting to learn more about this character bit by bit (I look forward to hearing about her mother's situation), and I hope to learn more about her origins and how she came to be a superhero and, seemingly, a slave to the higher authorities such as the major. Is she being blackmailed? Bribed? Only time will tell. Who are the real villains of this story ... hmm ...

Much like the previous chapter, a strong start to this story! I'm excited to read more. xo

Vita replied · Apr 16, 2020

Thank you! I'll have chapter three up soon.

User avatar
Hijinks
Review
Hijinks wrote a review Review · Apr 12, 2020

Hello Vita! I'm here to review chapter 2!

You reveal more information to the reader in this chapter, again, enough to keep them interested and curious for more. The cliffhanger at the ends promises an interesting development in the plot, which piques my interest.

I just have a couple of nitpicky grammar/spelling things.

At the last second, I tucked in my arms and legs and landed in a crouch, summersaulting to absorb the impact and coming up ready to fight. But there was no one to fight, not yet. I was alone on the roof of a stolen armored car, speeding and down a busy city street.

"Summersaulting" is actually spelled "somersaulting" (I've made this mistake, too.)
I think you either meant "speeding up and down a busy city street," or
"speeding down a busy city street";
either way, the current wording doesn't make sense (unless I'm missing something).


I reached out for the power I knew was there. It responded, warm and eager to do my bidding. Fire flooded my veins and the dark night suddenly seemed bright as day. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion. I saw the thief’s steel-tipped boot swinging toward me like a wrecking ball. It all seemed like an easy problem to solve, suddenly.

This seems very abrupt and a little unrealistic (beyond the fact that it's magic). Also, why didn't she use this superpower earlier? Maybe add a little explanation for this.

That's it for my review; sorry it's a little short. Again, this is a really well-written chapter, and I look forward to reading the next one.

Keep writing!

Whatchamacallit

Vita replied · Apr 12, 2020

Thanks for all your suggestions. I'm definitely planning on editing some things.



I have writer's block. I can't write. It is the will of the gods. Now, I must alphabetize my spice rack.
— Neil Gaiman