It was a long limping walk back to base. I stuck to side streets and alleys, hugging my battered ribs with one arm. As I walked, I became increasingly aware of the many injuries I had collected during the fight. A painful chorus of complaints from every muscle made me gasp a bit with each step.
I kept my mask up, knowing that even if I couldn’t see them, security cameras were watching me like vultures overhead. My uniform felt sticky against my skin. Trapped behind my mask, my breath was metallic with blood and fear.
I went as fast as my battered body would let me. Around me was a maze of concrete and metal. The same city that looked so beautiful from a distance was cracked and gritty up close. If the neon signs and sparkling skyscrapers were stars, I was walking in the void between constellations: cold and dark and forgotten.
Flies buzzed around overflowing dumpsters and swarmed under the tangelo-orange glow of the few working streetlights. Outside the intermittent pools of light, unseen rats rustled and scurried. I joined them in skirting the shores of the light, passing through shadows like a whisper.
The few people I passed were bums and junkies. Glazed eyes took in my strange appearance, but I ignored them. Anyone they tried to tell would never listen. They were just crazy people in a crazy world. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I focused on avoiding the broken glass and discarded needles that littered the crumbling concrete.
It was approaching midnight by the time I made it back to base. Delta Base, as it was called, was actually an old warehouse on the outskirts of the wharf district. From the outside, it looked abandoned and dilapidated, but the inside had been retrofitted with the highest tech available.
Delta, as Bates had explained and I had already known, was the fourth letter in the Greek alphabet. When I asked if there were twenty-five other bases for the other letters, he had smiled patronizingly and said, “I’m afraid that’s classified,” which probably meant that there were.
I circled around the side of the building, where withered ivy straggled up the concrete walls. The air in the narrow alley was dank and smelled like wet garbage and rust.
At the end of the alleyway, a narrow door was set deep in the wall. Rusted hinges and flaking white paint made it look like any other door in the city. Hardly a fitting entrance to a superhero's lair. Alas, hidden entrances were best left in a more romantic past. In the real world, the best place to hide something was in plain sight.
I squatted down next to the door and pulled a small flashlight from my belt. Holding it between my teeth, I peeled off one of my gloves and carefully ran my fingertips over the pitted concrete. My searching fingers found a near-invisible seam in the concrete, outlining an oblong shape about an inch and a half long.
I pressed my thumb to the space, and something behind the concrete emitted an electronic whir. The previously undetectable panel was outlined in a malevolent green light. I bit my lip and braced myself for what I knew was coming.
Chink. A tiny hollow needle darted out from the center of the scanner, piercing the soft pad of my thumb. It withdrew coated in blood that looked black in the artificial green light.
The machine’s whirring increased as it analyzed my fingerprint and blood sample. I squeezed my pricked thumb in my other hand, then brought it to my mouth and let the coppery taste of blood coat the back of my throat.
Even with my many other injuries, the sharp needle bothered me. I had always hated getting shots at the doctor's, and adding a blood sample to my daily routine hadn’t made me like getting poked any more.
When the scanner finished its analysis, I heard the lock on the door click open. Thumb still in my mouth, I scrambled painfully to my feet and pulled it open. Icy white fluorescent light poured out like a blast of cold air from a refrigerator, lighting the drizzle still falling softly and making it look like drops of mercury in the air. I stepped inside and pulled the door closed behind me.
Bates was waiting for me on the other side, greasy hair neatly slicked back from his face.
“Good evening, Moxie. Sucking your thumb, I see? I told the mayor you were too young for this job.”
I bristled at his tone, but didn’t bother trying to explain about the scanner and the needle. Acting like a baby over a simple needle prick would hardly help my case, and Bates was determined to be insufferable no matter what. Besides, I wasn’t exactly in a position to pick fights with my employers.
I decided to prove my maturity by changing the subject.
“You mentioned discussing payment if the mission was successful.”
“I did.” Bates’ expression is unreadable. As always, his cold eyes reminded me of something reptilian and poisonous.
“Well, I completed the mission,” I said, hardening my features to match his, “Let’s talk.”
Bates was already walking away from me down the hall. “Another day,” he threw over his shoulder. I saw him smirk before he turned back around.
“Another day?” I half shouted, limping after him, “When?”
“In the near future,” Bates answered slickly. I knew he was enjoying seeing me upset.
“I need a date and a time. Better yet, I need a meeting now!”
“What’s the rush?” he asked, one eyebrow creeping towards his oily hairline.
I clenched my fists. “The rush is that my mom is sick and we can’t afford a doctor, you slimy bastard,” I gritted out. “We don’t all have money to throw away on designer suits and diamond cufflinks, you know!”
Bates smiled, and I knew I’d given him what he’d wanted: an admission of my weakness, of my need. He loved to see me beg.
“You’ve done well today, Moxie,” Bates finally murmured. “You’ve proven yourself a valuable asset. And valuable assets need to be cared for.”
Bates surveyed my bruised body and stiff posture.
“You’ve allowed yourself to be injured while completing your assignment. You’re no good to us wounded or dead. I’ll escort you to the med bay.” He put a hand on my lower back and attempted to usher me further down the hall, but I dug my heels into the drab carpet.
“May I remind you that I’m no good to you if I’m not here? If this arrangement isn’t mutually beneficial, I have no reason to show up,” I said, knowing it that it was an empty threat. I was clearly at a disadvantage. Mom’s time was running out fast, and I had no other options.
Bates’ smarmy grin didn’t budge, but a deep crease settled between his brows. I had made him nervous. I knew I would never back out, but he didn’t. Unlike me, he had never known what it was to be desperate.
“How about a deal?” Bates murmured, “First medical treatment, and then I’ll see if I can squeeze you into the mayors schedule.”
I pondered. I wouldn’t put it past him to trick me and send me home empty-handed, but if he really thinks I’ll walk away . . .
It was the thought of the painkillers I knew were waiting for me in the med bay that clinched it. My broken ribs gave a particularly painful twinge, causing me to bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from whimpering.
I nodded silently and let Bates escort me down the long, sterile hallway. Behind me, I heard the lock on the white door click shut once more.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Corrupted Courage Chapter 4Points:
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
And we continue on.
First Impression: And that was a pretty good description of the base. And we learn more about her mother's situation. Pretty well done on both aspects.
Anyway let's get to it,
Some great description here again except I now have to wonder how she walked all the way over to that skyscraper and got on top of it by foot without being noticed by somebody. It's not like she could have just taken the elevator while in costume.
Small nitpick: According to this it sounds like there are 26 bases one for each letter in the Greek alphabet. The problem with that is that there are only 24 letters in the Greek alphabet. Most people wouldn't notice this but its just a little fact. (
I know I am a nerd)I love this whole superheroes in the past storyline. There appears a lot of great backstory just waiting to be told somewhere down the line.
Once again that's a great description.
Also another small point here. I assume there must be something special about Maisie for her to have been chosen despite being so young. Their campaign would have been much safer if it was done by a more experienced person.
And that's all there was to point out in this chapter. Not a lot.
Overall: You've done a great job building up the character of Bates. We get a really good look at his personality here and now we have two well developed characters which is great. And we've got a good reason to root for Maisie which is also great. And so let's see where this plot takes us.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Vita!
Our young superhero was completely exhausted and tired from all the action work. But I must say she's a pretty strong and enduring.
As I have mentioned earlier also, you are very great with description and this little imagery was quite amazing.
She is so young but still she tries her best to show her maturity and toughness in front of her employer Bates, who I think is a really self-fish and full of vanity. He knows how to get his business done and takes advantage of the vulnerable.
It was repetitive!
As for the plot I think it's going fine and there's a good potential in the story. You can experiment with your superhero character to bring some nice turn of events. I hope some more prominent characters will be soon introduced to fill the story.Will continue to read your chapters.
Great work!
Keep writing
Quite a suspenseful novel this, I must say. You've done great so far!
I love your imagery. You describe them so nicely and deeply, as I mentioned before. It gives your chapters a completely different flavor. Your description is very lively and full of sensory details. You even mentioned how blood tastes like. Coppery! That's really incredible.
"If the neon signs and sparkling skyscrapers were stars, I was walking in the void between constellations: cold and dark and forgotten."
That was a magnificent line. The metaphor you used literally made me stop reading and think about it for a while. Good job.
"Alas, hidden entrances were best left in a more romantic past."
I kind of got this line, and then I didn't. It was a little confusing. Perhaps make it more understandable?
"highest tech available"
Maybe 'most advanced/upgraded/up-to-date tech" sounds more interesting.
"It withdrew dipped in blood that looked black in the artificial green light."
Withdrew or Dipped? You need to work on this sentence.
"Even with my many other injuries, the sharp needle still bothered me."
Keep any one of the "Even" and "still" in this sentence. Even and Still are synonymous in this context.
"I had always hated getting shots at the doctor"
Shouldn't it be "at the doctor's"?
"you were to young for this job"
Too young.
I love your novel, Vita. KEEP WRITING.
Flies buzzed around overflowing dumpsters and swarmed under the tangelo-orange glow of the few working streetlights. Outside the intermittent pools of light, unseen rats rustled and scurried. I joined them in skirting the shores of the light, passing through shadestows like a whisper.
The few people I passed were bums and junkies. Glazed eyes took in my strange appearance, but I ignored them. Anyone they tried to tell would never listen. They were just crazy people in a crazy world. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I focused on avoiding the broken glass and discarded needles that littered the crumbling concrete.
Best part
Flies buzzed around overflowing dumpsters and swarmed under the tangelo-orange glow of the few working streetlights. Outside the intermittent pools of light, unseen rats rustled and scurried. I joined them in skirting the shores of the light, passing through shadestows like a whisper.
The few people I passed were bums and junkies. Glazed eyes took in my strange appearance, but I ignored them. Anyone they tried to tell would never listen. They were just crazy people in a crazy world. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I focused on avoiding the broken glass and discarded needles that littered the crumbling concrete.
Best part