Published December 10, 2016
Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
summer days spent like coins (nobody goes to the arcades anymore); i hid them in my mouth, but you could see them slide underneath my tongue; you could see them swelling from my cheeks, a nondescript outline starting to manifest (nobody sells cold drinks at lemonade stands anymore). you punched me in the mouth and i spit them out like bloody teeth (nobody leaves their teeth under their pillow anymore). you made me realize that no amount of quarters couldn't fill the empty gaps in my mouth where baby teeth used to be.
you told me to put my money where my mouth was, so i did. i thought that maybe the copper would melt onto my teeth, molding around it but all i got was teeth-marked coins with dates older than 1987.
you reminisced about history class, talking about when the teacher said that the coin is worth what we believe it to be. i just wish i could believe that i'm more. i wish i could believe that what jingled in my pockets was the world. more than just the melted ice cream that gently stain the concrete from times we spent eating it. the days where i felt like i'd melt in the summer sun, fingertips dripping of heat and fingernails starting to char. when i felt like i could feel the tears of flesh streaking down my cheeks. you weren't the sun, but you were the one that melted me. when you did, i told you that melting was for winter.
summer days spent sleeping in, body twisted in blankets and stale breath emitting from my mouth. i drowned myself in mouthwash and said that i brushed my teeth. the small bold words on the side of the bottle advertise 'it keeps things fresh', but all i feel is sticky. i thought that maybe if i laid there long enough, my body would melt into the sheets and you wouldn't come looking for me.
i know if i disappeared you wouldn't come looking for me.
summer nights wasted throwing rocks at your window. at the same time, i never hoped for glass and gravel to collide. in the morning, i watched you rake the gravel in your driveway until it was evenly distributed again, every patch filled. i told you that you couldn't grow gravel and you told me to fuck off.
the fireflies danced underneath the moonlight and above the freshly-cut grass. the neat lines that the wheels of the lawnmower made lingered into the night. i'm pretty sure that you wanted to run me over and spit me out to the side all the same. the fireflies' gentle glow faded in and out, like stars about to go out. when i looked up, there weren't very many stars at all. i remember asking if you wanted to go star-gazing but all you wanted to do is go navel-gazing.
on summer nights, you got wasted. i could barely see the moon through the trees; you could barely see me through all the drinks. maybe if i bent the trees over far enough, i could see the moon and stars. maybe all you wanted to do is bend me over; i guess i won't ever know.
the moon was quarter-shaped when i found it in the sky, rough facial features etched into its face and neat ridges carved in its side. i knew that the next day it would be withdrawing back to the size of a nickel, but i made it last the night.
i guess i was just another quarter in the gumball machine to you.
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140,691 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
I really liked the imagery that you used I thought it was really descriptive and when I closed my eyes and thought about what I'd read it was like watching an acid trippy kind of music video which was cool. I think the message of this speaks to pretty much anyone who's been used or cheated on I mean I know I've been there. ummm I think I'd like to see some capitalization, I don't know if you were doing that on purpose but not having capitals wasn't my favorite thing. I think that maybe navel-gazing could've been worded a bit differently to pack a bit more of a punch. It didn't really make me go wow this person's a cheater I mean my initial thought was why look at belly buttons. But I mean I don't have a lot of negative stuff to say I'm really just being nitpicky and I really enjoyed it. It was easy to relate to and empathize with because everyone's been there and for other's I think it gives a good gateway into seeing what it's like for the person who gets used.
Thanks for the review! The lack of capitalization was intentional to set a more quiet tone to the poem, and then navel-gazing is a term that's used to describe when you're self-indulged or narcissistic without thinking of anything else. It wasn't so much about the cheating which is something that you focused more on in the review or that they cheated, more that the speaker was used, which was a part that actually wasn't really meant to be so prominent in the poem. That actually made its way in sort of after I finished the first draft and it's more about summer in general and how to kind of define it, or how I define it. It also had a lot of childhood elements put into it which was something else that I didn't really know I did until it happened. Again, thanks for the review, much appreciated!
Hey! Hikaru here with a review.
This Poem was a good read and you split it well between the Summer Days and Summer Nights so that part wasnt very hard to see, but the small sentences you put it parentheses kinda killed it for me a couple of times at the beginning even though you might have been trying to make your ppint in that sentence make a little more sense, random things like that in a poem are like speed bumps in a parking lot. Your driving steady until you sudden bump over something unexpected.
The Description of how Summer days normally are is pretty accurate, Melting ice cream cones, the heat of the sun beaming down quarters jingling in your pocket, and the stains from ice stained on side walks. It all reminds me of my summer last year, (Though i was wishing for it to be winter last time so...)
And when you talked about Summer nights, i didnt really feel like i could relate but it reminded me of my own summer nights where it felt like i was melting into my bed sheets cause it was so hot. And i remember looking out my window and looking up toward the moon and stars sometimes.
This was a kinda relatable poem that i myself really liked so this was a good read for me to relate too, and especially since this Winter over here is sooooo Cold so this really makrs me feel warm again.
Thanks so much for the review! It helped with your notes.