a little like you

Hello, LadyShadows here to review your piece!

Firstly let's start out on how I thought about the piece. I thought the piece was nice. it shows various feelings that a person may have about themselves and others. It's great.
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Now onto the review! I thought this was nice, like said, but it was very muddy. This means that it was messy as it was wordy, jumped around everywhere, and had no rhyme or rhythm (Poems don't always need this, but keep this in mind.) Remember, this could cause someone to stop reading this as the messiness may frustrate a person. These people can be a bit impatient, but they are out there. Below is a edited version of your piece:

Blizzard to lilac, Dandelion
to leaf.
In passing, these are smells I cannot smell.
I suppose it makes sense.
In my world, a drizzle is a
thunderstorm and the smell of petrichor
fills the air.
If you'll be the dirt,
I'll be the water
for us to mix.
I bleed into you.

You are every
indescribable smell.
The ones that
seem as if they are always fading,
Like car fresheners taking the shape of
Evergreen trees.
The ones you used to hang
Near the rear-view mirror,
Where the reflection of the upper-half of your face lay,
Eyes piercing.

You linger.
Not like the sweet scent of perfume
Left in the air.
No, more like the exhaust
Of a car engine, leaving a dwindling trail behind.
A foot lies heavy on the gas petal,
Clammy hands
Drenched in sweat and alarm
Grip the wheel,
Knuckles whiter than gauze
Not yet bled through.

Or perhaps
You are the bitter aftertaste that first impressions
Soon fade into.
One that dwells in your throat--
One that you attempt to drown out,
But only adds to its kindling.
The more bites that I take,
The more I want to push my plate forward
and pull my chair out.

When you sleep in
Someone else's bed long enough,
You start to become familiar with the scent
Bound to their pillow and bed sheets.
I know that in the morning
When the sun is peeking through the curtains,
You'll ask if I can smell the roses,
and I will say,
'yes, they smell a little like you.'

This is of course my style, but you see where I'm getting at. I aligned the stanzas, and used proper pronunciation. I also cleaned it up by taking out unnecessary phrases and extra words. This was nothing to hurt you, but I hope you grow from what I shown you. Otherwise, you have good writing skills. Keep writing

This is good. I like most of the stanzas here as individually they are fantastic but together it's a bit of a mess, but a beautiful mess!!

I agree yet disagree with Amelie; you kept the same idea of scent in each and every one of your stanzas. I believe it's okay to be 'jumpy' so long as there is an idea that is constant throughout, and there is. But taking this into account, it was incredibly difficult to read and keep a tab of what's going on in each stanza because your ideas are too different. I can't explain it very well, but I think you know what I mean.

The way you've formatted it confused me at first, I know it's artistic etc, but it makes you read it quite differently than you do most poems, typically. I'm not saying the way you've done it is bad, but personally I don't favour it very much.

But I do have a legitimate question regarding ^^^: when we read it in our heads, are we meant to read each line and then a pause? So if a sentence is half finished and starting a new line, is there meant to be a pause to add effect to it?

Your choice of words is to be commended! I read in another review that you're 13!? If this is your standard at 13, I can't wait to read what you've written at 15, 16, 18... It'd be so good, based on the simple fact that it is really good now!

I was doing a huge YWS stalk on you and reading lots of your poems... You do have a recurrent theme going on with your poems; very dense lines, and lots of them. It would be a good idea to step out of your comfort zone sometimes; write prose poetry, write short poems, write a ballad, write a haiku or a senyru. Don't be too reliant on this style of poetry because in order to grow as a writer you must become familiar with different formats.

You're a really good writer! - Tiana

so i've come again, as promised. i'm beginning to feel as if i owe you, and so i'll try my best and get my thoughts and opinions through here.

atmospherically, it seemed jumpy-- and that's not the WORST THING POSSIBLE but the problem i had with it was that that scenery jumped a lot, and it messed the flow. like from rainy day to car to kitchen table to bedroom (things that can almost pertain to each other? but they didn't exactly flow together.)

the first stanza was a liiittle bit new to me, the way you arranged lilac/dandelion/leaf with dots rather than commas or separate lines and such, and i really loved it. so maybe i should widen my horizons, because i clearly haven't branched out enough. but anyways, i liked the experimentation with different senses, i feel like it was a bit of a curve-ball for me at first, the way you simply put it with "these are the smells i cannot smell" which was awkward, i felt.
the bit that confused me was the mention of blizzards, perhaps how lilacs bloom after winter? but from a little experience and some observing, lilac bushes are normally in bloom in early to mid months of summer rather than spring, which would be after winter and summer after spring. i also thought maybe theoretically/metaphorically, a blizzard being a rocky, busy or stressful time and a lilac being much more delicate. but even then, i wasn't sure because there's no former explanation so i wasn't sure what to associate it with, and it seemed out of place.
i absolutely loved the images you have though as always (duh,) so lovely lovely job. hopefully this was helpful to you. eh.
-amelie.