nathan. free verse
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Canary word: Present
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The correlation to red in every line was quite clever. It’s something I would have never come up with. I did enjoy the piece. A bit of romance always sparks an interest in me. Your poem was short and cut to the chase. In a lot of cases that can be a good thing. In yours, it was quite good. A bit of imagery would have been nice. Then I would be able to really attach to the story and imagine it in my mind. When reading, I like to be able to see what is happening, through details and such. This poem was not very easy for me to visualize. This may not be what you were going for. This is just my preference. It is not something that requires a drastic change, or change at all. The poem overall was enjoyable. Keep on writing!
Thanks! Honestly, I tried a bit of imagery in this piece at one point, but it didn't seem to fit the style. You should check out some of the other poems in this group though. I think the visuals in Blue and Violet are pretty nice.
Yes I have read the others. I definitely loved the Violet one. I could feel the emotions in that one. Your pieces are amazing! Keep on doing what you do.
Hey there! 'Tato here for a review.
You have a way with these words. I like you match everything you say to the color red. For example, when you wrote "And He is as sweet as strawberries in June" Strawberries are red, and I loved that connection. Great job! I thought maybe if you wanted, you could add in a metaphor, or some personification. Like "as sweet as a strawberry dancing in the warm June air." Something like that. I am not saying it needs it to be better. I'm just adding in some of my opinions. Your work, in my opinion does not need to be critiqued. I like it a lot. Great Job!!!! Keep up the good work! Happy writings! 'Tato out.
Thanks!