Alright, Ventomology! It’s Kara here for a hopefully quick review! I’m listening to my pump-up music and feel like reviewing, so why not?
I’m going to do the review much like Lightsong in the way how I’ll go through one stanza at a time, okay? Just warning you before you think that I’m copying Lightsong, since that I actually do review like this. I might also get a bit blunt and rude, so I apologize ahead of time. I’m not the greatest at sugar-coating reviews. Just know that you don’t have to take my advice
Stanza 1: “You are a faerie.”
I’m confused with the imagery in this stanza. How can something be too-pale and purple at the same time? (unless it’s periwinkle, but I don’t think that you’re talking about that color because of the poem title :/). I would take out the too-pale part (since the poem is literally named “violet”). But is the skin color-changing, and that’s why the person is a faerie?
And why a fourth-grade classroom specifically? I would say something like an elementary school classroom instead to give people a better image in their head, even if it’s less specific, especially since I went to a school where we went to a bunch of different classes during the day, even in elementary school. I wouldn’t be able to picture the classroom as easily as you could, ya know? Either that, or I would make it more specific. Is it a classroom that focuses mostly on Social Studies? On Literature? On Math?
(I would personally go the less specific route, but that’s just my personal opinion).
Stanza 2: “You are a prince.”
I don’t actually have much to say here. I think that this is an amazing stanza and that you should keep it the way that it is
Stanza 3: “You are a herald.”
you in your bowtie
Is this person,,, just in a bowtie??? With nothing else? You do put a lot of details in your poem, but more detail is crucial here.
Stanza 4: “You are an artist.”
Wait, so we went from medieval terms (faerie, prince, herald) to a more modern term (artist)? The other stanzas are also named for more medieval terms, and this stanza talks about the person “painting”. I would change “artist” to “painter” or something along those lines to keep the theme smooth and connected.
But if the person has a lot of blank canvases, then are they really an artist/painter? As an artist myself, I know that blank canvases are essential if you were to paint anything, and that artist’s block is a butt, but the word “wild” implies that the main character doesn’t paint anything on their blank canvases? I might be reading it wrong.
Who’s the freckled actor-boy? I haven’t read the rest of the poems, so it could be something to do with that, but I don’t understand the reference here.
Stanza 5: “You are a scholar.”
Ah, there we go, back to medieval terms again.
Other than that joke above, I don’t have anything to say here that Lightsong hasn’t said already. Good job!
Last Stanza: “I am now a queen.”
Aw, this is bittersweet. I love it. This would be a perfect last stanza to an epic poem series like this (which the Bisexual’s Lament is, I think), since it’s bittersweet and could possibly make a person cry. That’s a good thing. It brings out emotions in a reader, which is exactly what you want to do.
Overall, I did enjoy it. The like that I’m giving you is something that you deserve; as someone who identified as bi until a month ago, I think that poems like this are wonderful and there should be more of them. You did great!
Sorry, I’m not very good at positive vibes. I’m working on it.
Have a great day!
Kara/zami.
#longlivebigbrother .
Points: 15630
Reviews: 364
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