Young Writers Society

Hey there Ventomology! Just stopping by to bring you a quick review.

but, faces lit by phones, we keep in touch

I really enjoyed this line. I thought the progression from childhood friends and then still remaining in touch. It also shows their progression in age very subtly; the typical age to have a phone, at least in my experience, is around early teenage years.

The relationship between these two people is very well described, and you do an excellent job showing how their relationship changes over the years. First, they started out as best friends when they were young, and they remained in touch as they progressed into their teenage years. The way you subtly showed their ages and described their relationship in poetic language was quite impressive.

I also did like the mention of "indigo", as indigo often symbolizes sadness and melancholy, and it seems appropriate given the situation. It adds a nice description to the relationship that you detail without being overly wordy or literal.

The one thing I wanted to see more of in this poem was a bit more specific description. While you do a wonderful job succinctly describing how the relationship progresses, it lacks, for the most part, the specific details that can really draw the reader in and connect them with the characters. You began to get a little closer to that in the last two stanzas, where you discuss when they wash dishes—which, by the way, was a wonderful way to show that they have a casual and comfortable relationship without being overly upfront about it—, but I still want to know more about these two characters specifically.

Overall, you did an excellent job using poetic language to describe the progression of the characters' relationship, and found the perfect balance of metaphorical and understandable language through your usage of colors like indigo and show-don't-tell. I did appreciate the brevity, as it suited the poem since it seemed like a brief outpouring. Excellent job on this, and I look forward to reading more works by you!

All my best,
~MJ


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