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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
Hi there I am here to do a review on your work, First things first this is a grate length.
Okay so I feel like this is a very harsh poem, I feel like it is more dramatic them romantic, I feel like there is just a lot of anger and hard feelings and not much self control here, This is a bit realistic to me for it can happen, but there needs to be a bit more to this poem I feel, also I feel like the last line of this poem needs a bit more lines to it, to finish it of propley, So I will try to finish it of with some other lines down in suggestions, so I came up with the lines that I think needed to be there I hope you like them.
What needs work
Okay so over here I notes ed that the alex did not have a capital, also there is a double spacing here I will put this down in Suggestions and try to ficks all the mistakes, you will notes that it there is just very simple mistakes.
Suggestions
Alex. free verse
your line for the end: but my love is not?
The kind that would just take any lover,
Just so they can be swapped of there feet,
and put into a dream,
It has to stop.
So that is all that I can say, I hop you like the suggestions let me now what you think, Also keep up the grate work here.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thanks!
you are very welcome.
Hi! Manilla here for a review. Let's get right into it, shall we?
)
This freeverse is pretty relatable, honestly, whether the reader is bisexual or not. You have an exceptional choice of words here; 'resuscitates', 'unintential innuendo', and 'sappy pond water' being some of my favorites.
The formatting and even font choice contribute to the feel of the piece well. It kind of inspires me to write something similar...(An alternate title could be "Bisexual Blues"
I'm also assuming that the band director is something that comes into the narrator's mind, and not a part of the setting itself. I'm really looking forward to the next installment!
-Manilla out