Like dark smooth bitter chocolate.
Fill me with insatiable curiousity.
See right into me while not seeing me at all.
Make me shiver, make me quiver.
Grab me, hold me, caress me.
Burn my cheeks with a pure blush.
Steal away my words, my breath, my resolve.
Fill me with yearning,
To kiss them lips.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hey there, Veni!!
This is Eros here with a review for you!!
I was really attracted by the title of this poem. The poem was short and sweet, but still full of many pure feelings revolving around just one deep emotion, that is ...the emotion of love. I lobved the way you have expressed everything here.
Going through the poem, line by line.
The comparison was simply awesome. Loved it with my heart. I could actually feel the feelings expressed in these lines.
Then, in the next line,
Your reaction to the beauty. It was intensely beautiful. Everything was just awesome.
Finally with the last bunch of lines,
Your wishes... The strong desires, and the pure love. It was extremely romantgic and loved and enjoyed reading the sweet little piece of poetry.
I would appreciate one more thing of yours that I came accross in this poem. The style of writing was very easy to understand, yet decorated with beautiful adjectives. The choice of set of the words was also very awesome. I especially appreciate the talent of yours to express such deep emotions in such a less number of words. I personally find it very difficult to do so. It was a mind blowing piece.
Keep writing such awesome, great, fabulous, fascinating, mindblowing poetries and other stuff and we would love to keep reading them and reviewing them!!
Have a great day / night!!
With love,
From Eros.
Thanks for the review
Not sure if this was intentional or not, but the title is reminiscent of a jazz song called "them there eyes". This song is also written about a person with captivating brown eyes. Just thought that if you didn't know that song existed, you should give it a listen. It might remind you of the person you wrote this song about.
I think the first line, which describes the person's eyes, should tie into the second line a little more. I think it would sound good if you added "they" at the beginning of the second line, thus giving the impression that the entire problem is describing what the eyes of this person make you want them to do, instead of just disjointed thoughts, though the idea of a poem composed of thoughts is very interesting and I like it. This poem is very nice! it could also tie into a longer poem about "them lips", or even a separate poem altogether. Good work!
Hi there @Veni I am here to do a review on your poem. so lets get into it.
What I like about this poem.
1: Like dark smooth bitter chocolate. I like this because I like chocolate all thoe I don't really get it that often.
What I am not shore about in this poem.
1: Them Eyes, okay some word of ad vise your title is at the very top of the pach so you shouldn't really put it at the bottem of your akshell poem.
2: Fill me with insatiable curiousity, okay curiousity is spelt rong so I do not no what you mean, I think you ment to say this, Fill me with insatiable curiosity, and also I do not no what insatiable really mean.
3: See right into me while not seeing me at all, this did not make sens to me it is a bit confusing if you ask me, you have said See me right in to me, that men dose not make sens, then you said while not seeing me at all, this bit is a bit weird and confusing to word the other line.
4: Grab me, hold me, caress me, I am not really shore about this line, the port that I did not like most really was were you said caress me, this was a bit to aggressive for a poem that is suposto be Romantic and General.
5: Steal away my words, my breath, my resolve, I am not really shore about this bit really it is a bit stanch I am shore if you thort about it long and horrd it will come to you.
6: To kiss them lips, okay there is like one thing rong with this line, the them dose not really go at all with the line think of some other word to put in the line like my, you're, those. so that is all I can say. so keep up with the good work.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thanks for the review @EagleFly. I honestly stuggled to understand all of what you were trying to say. So I just thought I would clarify. First, thanks for putting out my misspelling of curiosity. It is very curious that the u gets dropped when an ity gets tacked on the end. Second, I don't really understand how the word caress is aggressive. Third, the "them" at the end is purposeful to link back into the title "them eyes". Fourth, someone can see right into you without seeing you when they can see all your flaws but they fail to see the essence of you. Fifth, the "them eyes" is the title and the first line of the poem. Last, try read each line with the words "them eyes" preceding the line.
Thanks for your Rom.
I understand what you mean.