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E - Everyone

Of a facebook conversation

by Veni


You spread my patience thin

Like a pitiful portion of butter across stone cold toast.

I try to rationalise your ignoring as an ignorance, on your part, of my feelings,

But I can find no reason for your blunt refusal to see my presence

Other than your abhorance and snobberence of myself.

I stress, I fluster, I sink into a musty, grey place,

Where only more twisted light and thoughts can reach me.

The minutes are placed upon on a stretching rack

And torturously drawn out by your negligent inaction.

I convince myself that this kettle will not boil if I watch,

But distraction does little to soothe my itch.

Some little voice in the back of my head knows

That you will have a perfectly reasonable excuse

To stand me up.

I can see you are here, yet you refuse to acknowledge

To give a hello,

And I wonder why I subject myself

To the trying trials

Of a facebook conversation


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9 Reviews


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Tue Jan 20, 2015 5:32 pm
ryleigh127 says...



This is very interesting twist. I like how you described not wanting to respond but so compelled to do so. It goes in the mind of everybody on Earth with a facebook. :) You didn't have any grammatical errors I noticed, but I'm not good with poetry either. You'll need someone else for that. But great work! Hope to see more from you! :)




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9 Reviews


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Tue Jan 20, 2015 5:32 pm
ryleigh127 says...



This is very interesting twist. I like how you described not wanting to respond but so compelled to do so. It goes in the mind of everybody on Earth with a facebook. :) You didn't have any grammatical errors I noticed, but I'm not good with poetry either. You'll need someone else for that. But great work! Hope to see more from you! :)




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9 Reviews


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Tue Jan 20, 2015 5:31 pm
ryleigh127 wrote a review...



This is very interesting twist. I like how you described not wanting to respond but so compelled to do so. It goes in the mind of everybody on Earth with a facebook. :) You didn't have any grammatical errors I noticed, but I'm not good with poetry either. You'll need someone else for that. But great work! Hope to see more from you! :)




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Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:30 am
Dutiful says...



My thoughts exactly.

Amazing.




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83 Reviews


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Tue Jan 20, 2015 8:30 am
Dutiful says...



My thoughts exactly.

Amazing.




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Mon Jan 19, 2015 8:24 am
chrisharley says...



Hmm. . . it's good and now a hint of criticism, "more twisted light? could be "twisted light
and so on, and a question who stood you up? lol




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Sun Jan 18, 2015 11:15 pm
Booshian wrote a review...



OHMYGOODNESS. I loved this poem. Seriously, amazing. I find modern means of communication and what its like to grow up immersed in them is such an interesting topic of discussion from the get-go and I dont understand why more people dont talk about it, So much food for thought. Your piece is very applicable , I think all of us who have a facebook have experienced the feeling of a ''seen'' message that isn't being responded to, So in regards to subject matter and content you got it down. I also love your use of grammar, not usually something I enjoy playing with or looking at in poetry usually but you just use it in a way that really draw attention to the words in the right places, for example ; ''That you will have a perfectly reasonable excuse

To stand me up.'' That period fits so lovely there, really makes you see the finality in your voice, in your head. I'm sorry I didnt provide and criticism.. I simply couldn't.
Great job, looking forward to reading more of your work.
~Booshian.




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Sun Jan 18, 2015 6:05 pm
Spaulds wrote a review...



One of the things I find interesting about this poem is that The topic is something I think many will be able to relate to, myself included. Though I have to agree with BrittleBird it is odd that you didn't put a period at the end of your last sentence. I'm guessing it's just a small typo. Otherwise your poem is fantastic! For something you whipped up in a matter of minutes it is really good! However parts of your poem sound a little redundant. Otherwise really nice writing! Few people have the gift to thread their words together as well as you do. Nice Job!




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Sun Jan 18, 2015 5:40 pm
BrittleBird wrote a review...



One small thing I would like to point out, right off the bat, is the lack of period at the very end of your poem. That felt strange to me, since you used punctuation otherwise.

Also, this part: "...ignoring as an ignorance, on your part, of my feelings," felt confusing. Either because there shouldn't be a comma between part and of, or I'm confused of exactly what you are trying to say.

This poem was otherwise great.
"I convince myself that this kettle will not boil if I watch,
But distraction does little to soothe my itch." This is my favorite line; very thoughtful. I also enjoy the whole poem's dressing of (what seems like) very sarcastic drama.

Thanks for posting this piece!

-BrittleBird





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