Young Writers Society

I thought this was very good, as was Chapter 1. It kept my attention, a great feat, as I am not particularly good at concentrating on reading the entries in these forums (no offense to anyone, it's just the wonders of the internet tempt me. I have very little self-control). In fact, with a little editing, more-so in the first chapter, this would be publishable material. I don't have time to read Chapter 3 right now, but I look forward to it for next time I log on.

-Kaz

If this is the flashback you were referring to after you posted Chapter 1, I'd like to congratulate you on fitting this in very nicely. Your chapters are short, so I can't tell if it's too early for something like this or not, but whatever the case, it's very well-written. Her Da reminds me of my friend's Pa. They both laugh and love and act. Very cool.

Yeah, a long flashback, and "hostels" means like the Youth Hostels, cos they're cheap and some are a bit seedy...the one I stayed in once was, anyway. I'm real glad you liked it! Thanks for commenting!

-ShadowTwit

I really liked this! It was entertaining, interesting, and very well-written.
One thing, and one thing only: 'hostels.' Is that really a word or did you mean; "hotels?" Forgive my ignorance.
Otherwise, continue by all means.
Oh, one more thing: why is the whole thing in italics? Is it a very long flashback? An entire chapter of flashback italics seems a bit much. Anyway, keep posting!
Yours always,

Confusing? Oops, sorry...thank you for commenting!

-ShadowTwit

Here are some suggestions:

Hearing the voice behind my closed eyelids, it is all I am aware of, as I lie in a limbo world between sleeping and awakening.

"...Then she thought that that did not sound quite polite, so she scratched out 'isn't mouse' and wrote: 'I hope it will be fine' “

we could turn somersaults before we could read.

Smelled the tantalising smells coming from Pizza Hut

but sometimes Da would take Kester and I out of London on a holiday.