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140,788 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Thank you for reviewing, Crysi!
I liked it, although you stole a line from Pirates.
I was sort of confused on the Raven's form, however... I know she's half-elven, and perhaps you described her as a dog because of the way the queen treats her, but you might want to make it a little clearer. Also, I was surprised that the Raven was allowed to speak up in such a disrespectful manner. I wouldn't think that would be tolerated.
All in all, however, I'm really liking the story. Your dialogue is excellent, and your plot seems sound.
As for flashbacks... as long as you make it clear that it's a flashback (i.e. you could have your character dreaming about the past and you could explicitly state that), I think it would be okay. I suppose I'd have to see it in order to give you a good answer, though.
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