*DELETED*
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Thank you for reviewing, Crysi!
I liked it, although you stole a line from Pirates.
I was sort of confused on the Raven's form, however... I know she's half-elven, and perhaps you described her as a dog because of the way the queen treats her, but you might want to make it a little clearer. Also, I was surprised that the Raven was allowed to speak up in such a disrespectful manner. I wouldn't think that would be tolerated.
All in all, however, I'm really liking the story. Your dialogue is excellent, and your plot seems sound.
As for flashbacks... as long as you make it clear that it's a flashback (i.e. you could have your character dreaming about the past and you could explicitly state that), I think it would be okay. I suppose I'd have to see it in order to give you a good answer, though.
.