Yo!
Sorry for the late review but you requested it and I'm giving it! Since it's been a while I'm going to give a general style critique.
First up, The good. I really like that you're exploring style and I like that you've got a sense of self with what words you're picking and putting together. The right side definitely caught more of my attention than the right because of the word-choice and drama in the poem.
I do think you're being a bit wordy here when it comes to the poem's heart though. For instance "I wake up to silent anxiety turning to deafening dread" is heavy on the adjectives and while that can be really strong, it just sounds wordy when silent anxiety is basically just saying anxiety and you could put in a metaphor here like "stove-on trauma" or something more creative than "silent" and "deafening". I have literally had deafening dread where I'm so scared or petrified of something that I literally tuned out every noise around me. That does happen, so it is a literal translation of an event to the written word, but I'm not sure that's the level of dread that this person woke up to.
I also feel like you need to swing the pendulum back here and try writing simpler styles rather than this doubled line. This should be written as you would naturally read it out loud. While poetry should be a visual art, it should originate in the verbal arts, like a song, and I honestly don't know how this would sing aside from two people singing it at the same time and that would be quite the cacophony of noise. Yes, it will be long, but doubling up like this confuses me as a reader about what your intent was.
So, overall, I think it's time for you to try some structured poetry and play with things like pantoum and palindromes. You'd probably enjoy the way that they roll among themselves and it would give you a necessity for wordiness or a hard block to chop the wordiness down. In other words, I'd like to see you hone your craft! Perhaps you have, it has been a while XD
See you around!
Aley.
Points: 1883
Reviews: 806
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