“Stardust, stardust, little silver shimmers, Stardust, stardust, piece of moonlight’s glimmers,” sang the fairy, looking over the seashore in the moonlight. It was a dark night, with just the faintest hint of moonlight as the moon entered the waxing crescent phase, and the stars shone like diamonds against the smooth, soft dark velvet of the night sky. The breeze blew gently in from over the sea and lifted her hair into a beautiful wave of ebony behind her, and she closed her large violet eyes in ecstasy as she breathed in the delectable aroma of sea-salt and the flowers of far-off lands.
She loved coming here, to the sea. Here she could let her imagination traverse the oceans of space and time and feel herself carried into far off places and times. She loved to be alone here to enjoy the quiet solitude and serenity of the sea. Indeed, she needed this time alone to escape from her waking world.
Her delicate wings fluttered softly and she involuntarily lifted herself just slightly off the ground in her joy. The little flecks of silver light spun around her head and came to rest softly on her pale skin, where they glittered like the sky-diamonds from which they had once come.
The little fairy spun around and then skipped lightly out into the very edges of the waves. Her body trembled as she thought of how incredible it was, how old the atoms of the very water she was standing in were and how many, many miles they had traveled before they came to that one spot, just for her. She knelt in the water and skimmed her fingers gently over the surface.
“So lovely,” she thought, looking out at the reflection of the stars on the water. “I could walk on that, to wherever I want to go. Even all the way to the edge of the sea, and then cross into the sky and touch the beautiful diamonds and roll over the soft velvet, if I wanted to.” She looked around her, drinking in all the loveliness with famished eyes. “And there’s no one else here but me. All this, just for me!” She giggled in her delight and spun in the air again. She darted down the beach, half running, half flying, savoring the sensation of the quartz sand crystals beneath her feet. She kept running/flying, blissfully enjoying the freedom of running along the moonlit shore under the starry sky.
She didn’t know how long she had been running when she saw the most beautiful thing yet. A pale blue flower was quietly blooming in a dark corner under the dune. She hovered above it, looking down, and then knelt beside it and softly touched a petal. She inhaled the fragrant essence and closed her eyes in bliss, then curled up beside it and went to sleep, dreaming of little star-children taking her by the hand and dancing over the waves, pale blue flowers falling from their hands and turning into butterflies as they touched the waves.
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Hello,
This is beautiful. I can imagine it so clearly. You have described everything really well. I love reading about fairies so I was so happy to read this.
It is hard to critique this as it is so good. At the beginning you could maybe edit it to say: "Stardust, stardust, little silver shimmers. Stardust, stardust, piece of moonlight glimmers," sang the fairy, looking over the seashore in the moonlight.
Overall, I really like this story. Do you have any more? I would love to read more if there is any.
Hi Christina,

Thanks for your review! I always appreciate constructive criticism. I do have a few other works already, and there'll be more of this stuff coming along. I also have a series about emotions, and I have a novel. I haven't worked on the novel in a while but there's another chapter coming out once I have time to post it. If you go to my page (profile/Toboldlygo) you can find more. I'd love to see some of what you have, too!
Toboldlygo
Hey there! Isha here for a review.
Now, first of all, this has so much potential to be such a lovely, lovely piece of work. It's short, but sweet, and the imagery paints a very vivid picture. Obviously, quite a lot of imagination and creativity went into this piece, and it reminds me of something that I would've written a while back (my personal tastes have changed since then).
Now, I did have a few nitpicks and little things that I wanted to point out, and I'm going to start doing that by quoting your first paragraph.
Now, aside from this being a bit long and daunting as a first paragraph (sometimes, the first couple paragraphs are better left short and sweet; they can get progressively longer as the piece goes on, because after, the reader's hooked and they don't care anymore):
There are, um, a lot of adjectives there, and a lot of them are really really redundant. For example, the bit about her "jet-black hair" that blew into a "beautiful wave of ebony behind her." First off, you already said jet-black. You don't need to tell us, again, that her hair is black. It stops being poetic, and starts bogging down the work and disrupting what could be a beautiful flow.
This:
flows much, much better than if you kept "jet black" in there. Details are good and imagery is most excellent! Redundant descriptions just break the flow and weigh the work down. And let me tell you, your first paragraph was very, very riddled in redundant descriptions.
"Smooth, soft dark velvet of the night sky" is another one. Dark is the unnecessary word- you have 'night sky' in there already, which automatically means that the sky is going to be dark. We don't need to be told that- we are beings of intelligence, after all!
So look around for things like that, and take out unnecessary words. It'll patch up your flow and make the piece as absolutely stunning as it can be! And really, it's quite pretty already.
Excellent job and keep writing!
~Ish
Thanks! @The night sky thing, not neccessarily. Sometimes the sky is lit up very brightly at night, and sometimes it is especially dark. I wanted to make it clear that it was a <strong<dark</strong> night, not just a normal night. Otherwise, though, thanks for the review!
Hey there, Subtle here for a review! This short story is certainly very unique and somewhat whimsical. I adore the imagery you have created here of the night and the fairy, and though the language was a bit in some parts of the story. I think you have managed to create a very beautiful landscape here.
This piece left me with a very pleasant and tranquil feeling. Though one thing I would suggest you do is to add a little more 'voice' into this piece. In some places, the fairy lacked her personality. The good old, show don't tell.
Still, wonderful little story!
-S.s
Hi S.s,

This work is actually still being revised, so I appreciate your insights! It might be a while before I update it here, but I try to work on things like this on my google doc, so I'm glad you took the time to let me know your thoughts.
Toboldlygo