Everything is perfect. My friends are still my friends, and they don't hate me. Look at me, I actually have friends; I'm not the outcast. None of this hanging on the outside of the circle, people forgetting my name, ignoring me. None of this being excluded from the clubs, the gatherings. It's wonderful. I can trust people, something I've forgotten how to do. I even still have him in my life, which makes everything just that much better. Even if everything were wrong, just having him would make it all good. Everything being right and having him just makes it all even more wonderful. It's a beautiful world, and everything in it is also beautiful; they are beautiful and they make each other even more so. I sigh in contentment and let myself relax.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Alarms! What's happening? I'm so confused! "Yeep!" I squeak in bewilderment and panic.
No, wait, I know what it is. It's just the alarm, my alarm. It's time to wake up.
I open my eyes and slap the torture device off. "I know, I know. Believe me, I know! Why did you have to spoil such a good thing? Everything was great until you showed up!" I growl at it.
I lie awake with my eyes open, trying to ignore the pain, but it doesn't work. No matter how I try to forget it, it hurts. Where does it hurt? Everywhere I'm wearing thin. So mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, everything just hurts. The story of my life.
I want to get up, but I can't. I don't mean that I'm not feeling like it, I mean that I really, truly can't; I don't have the strength to. This is the story of my life. Everything beautiful a fantasy, everything horrible a reality.
I should explain. I used to have awful nightmares, until, by intense mental training, I turned them into pleasant dreams. But that backfired on me, big time. Before, I could awake with joy, knowing that nothing in real life was that bad, that everything was good by comparison. But now, now I dream of a perfect life, and everything is horrible in my waking world. It didn't help when everything spiraled downhill, soon after. I don't know why it happened, or how. I just know that my friends hate me. In the group, I am alone. I can't trust anyone, ever, because for all I know, any and every person is out to get me, to derive sadistic pleasure from watching my pain. And he is gone. My best friend, my companion, the one I loved, gone, forever! He was a beautiful sound, I was his harmony. Off with some rotten excuse for a human being that calls itself a girl. Some moron he'd only known for a month. I hate him! No, I don't. I wish I did, but I don't. Even if I could forget the world I knew, and I can't, but say for a moment that I could, I swear I would never forget him. I am alone in this dreadful downpour, and it's depressing, but allora, what can I do? Absolutely nothing.
So now, I dream of what my life used to be, of what I wish it still was. I dream of happiness,friendship, trust, love. I dream of joy, peace, all things bright and beautiful. I know I will wake up soon, so I dream of lovely things. And when I wake up, I see my reality, and it hurts. It hurts everywhere I'm wearing thin, which is everywhere. I sit alone, on the outside, so, so tired of looking in. And I have no idea how it will end; all I know is that this is the story of my life.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hi again, toboldly!
I can totally relate to this. Unfortunately, I don't listen to Owl City, but the whole dreams thing is something I think about all the time. I prefer nightmares to good dreams, because when you wake up you know it wasn't real, and that can kind of feel like the best thing ever sometimes. There was a certain sadness to this piece as well because of your use of emotive language, so well done.
As for suggestions, I can't really think of many. The first would be generally, dreams are quite floaty right, and nothing is really defined. But in your opening paragraph, it seems as if you're writing something that is actually happened. I think it would be good to give the readers a clue that it's just a dream before they wake up, by throwing in something really absurd in there. Because usually, even in a great realistic dream, there's always something weird in there which at the time you don't really take much notice of.
With the whole story, and all the pain that this person has been though, maybe some more sort of poetic techniques to describe things? Just a suggestion, but generally this piece seems more poetic to me, not like a poem, but could use those elements.
Overall, I really liked this, it was very interesting to read! I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Hey there Toboldlygo! Pompadour here to review on your zaptastic work! But before I give in to my inner reviewing spirit, let me just say...
OHMYGOD OWL CITY I AM SO OBSESSED WITH IT I COULD GO ON FOREVER AND EVER AND IT'S JUST SO AMAZING AND HEAVILY INFLUENCES MY WRITING AND GAH JUST GAH.
Spoiler
*coughs awkwardly*
That is all.
Technical
That's it for the technical stuff!!
Owl City references I found
The title! It's from "Tidal Wave." I assure you I did not search this up. I'm just weird, is all.
Also from Tidal Wave. ^_^
... which is also from the same song.
I love this! It seems more like a rant than a short story, and you abruptly change from optimistic to pessimistic. I also felt as if you could have added a bit of action to the story, like movements, speech and dialogue. Overall, this was lovely, and I love all the references you put in!
Keep writing! Keep up the amazing work!
I'm wonderstruck.
Cheers,
~Pompadour
Thanks! I'll take another look at it and see about working on those things.
Great job! There are actually a few more, though, but you got the obvious and one of the not so obvious ones.
The only one I found was "all things bright and beautiful" in the last paragraph.
This thing is packed with Owl City references! See if you can find them!