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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

True Love at First Sight: My Story

by Toboldlygo


Is true love at first sight real? I cannot answer that question; I can only share my experience with it. I was seven, and moving to a new country. My plane was re-routed and we landed across the island, so we were bused to the base. That was when it happened. From the moment I saw her, I was awestruck. She was so beautiful, so wild, and so wonderful. I remember exactly what happened in that first moment. The bus rounded a curve, and there she was, standing off in the distance, and she immediately caught my attention.

She captured my heart and I knew she would have it forever. I couldn’t take my eyes off her; every feature, every detail, was lovely in my eyes. The closer we got, the more my heart pounded, the more my palms sweated, the more my chest tightened. I wanted, no, I needed to go to her! That moment started a love affair which has continued even to this day. Every time I see her, I fall in love again. She occupies every thought, every dream; I am obsessed with her. I need to know everything about her! I study, I read, I observe her. I ask questions, I listen to what she says, I try to understand her.

She is my life dream. Every time I hear the Lantern Song from Disney’s “Tangled”, it reminds me of her and of the moment I fell in love with her. I miss her, I want nothing more than to go back to her and stay on her slopes for the remainder of my life. Her earthquakes, her flames which spring forth from the very center of the Earth, her ash clouds, her rivers of fire glowing fiercely in the night; everything about her I love. This is why I study geology: Mt. Etna stole my heart that night, and even if it were still my own, I would give it to her to keep. Maybe not everyone finds true love at first sight at seven, but for me, this is real, and my love at first sight has thrived for eleven years and is still going strong. I will always love my beautiful Etna, forever.

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532 Reviews

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Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:03 am
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hi toboldlygo!

So I agree with AE, when I was reading this I was like 'uh-oh, another cheesy love prose' but by the end I was pleasantly surprised. I thought this was really interesting to read, and the descriptions you have in the end paragraph are great too. I can only say, that this seems a little bit short to me!

Okay, so the first two paragraphs are absolutely great! The last one is just too short, in my opinion. I mean volcanoes are such magnificent things, so I think more descriptions would be great. The descriptions you have already are really good, but more! More imagery! I think more mentioning of the colours, the reds and oranges, would really bring this alive. Maybe even some more poetic techniques like similes and metaphors would really create more of a picture in the reader's mind.

The other thing I wanted to mention is I don't think there was enough of how the volcano makes the person/you feel. Does it make you feel at peace, or just feeling some sort of great serenity?

Overall, I REALLY liked this. It wasn't what I was expecting, and pieces of writing that completely surprise me are always my favourites, really. Next steps would be to add some more description, and more thoughts of the narrator. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions or if you'd like another review on anything.

Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x




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Sun Feb 09, 2014 8:47 pm
AEChronicle wrote a review...



First off, when I started reading this, I rolled my eyes and sighed, literally. This is all one gigantic paragraph, a lot of repetitive sentences and words, and you instantly started the story out with 'The Big Question,' so I was turned off.

But, upon reading to the end, I actually found that I liked it. Not the whole story, but how you make it seem like a little boy is falling in love with a little girl instantaneously, and then we learn that it is Mount Etna and not a girl after all. So, while I think there is much work to be done, the story and its message are very sweet.

Is true love at first sight real? I cannot answer that question; I can only share my experience with it.


Personally, I don't want to be told the whole premise of the story right from the very beginning. That's what I look for in an article or essay. There is no build up to draw you in.

I was seven, and moving to a new country. My plane was re-routed and we landed across the island, so we were bused to the base.


These lines make it sound like you are moving to a military base out in the middle of the ocean. I know that's not what's happening, after having finished the story, but that was what I understood at first. You may want to consider changing this a little, so that the reader does not become confused.

As for the rest of the story, the writing is flat. You do a lot of 'and then...and then...and then...' and it detracts from the message. It comes out staggered, and very rough, making it hard to read and enjoy.

You also have a few grammatical mistakes, but, as this review is more about the flow and ebb of the story, I don't feel the need to point it out.

But don't take this the wrong way. I was actually quite pleased with how it turned out, and how I was thrown for a loop, thinking one thing and being annoyed, then realizing the true meaning of the story and now I can't help but like it.

Thank you Toboldlygo!





Poetry lies its way to the truth.
— John Ciardi