Tarnished, impure, old.
Power, fiery, bold.
Reserved, removed, cold.
Sliver of light
Still shines with its might
Despite darkness of night
Rulers of the sky,
Deciding who lives, and who might die.
Those that detest the dark, fie!
These are the rulers of the night,
To cut out the blight
Deciding what is right.
Tarnished, impure, old.
Power, fiery, bold.
Reserved, removed, cold.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi @TimelessMage I'm here to do a very short review of your poem, so let's jump right into it shall we!
Overall Thoughts
I love how you kept rhyming throughout the poem and that it had a mysterious vibe to it all the way through, it leaves the reader with some imagination,
but as @AilahEvelynMae has already said I must agree that the rhythm of the poem wasn't completely smooth if so to speak.
I also feel as though the poem didn't make a lot of sense and it was hard for me to follow along with what sort of message you where trying to bring across, I know as a poet that it is very hard to make a poem rhyme as well as it having a story to go along with it,
I'd really love to see a part two to this poem maybe so that I can see where this was going because I am very interested by the mystery and suspense that this had.
So that is all that I can say I think that you are a great poet and should keep writing and I look forward to reading more!
If I was being harsh, I'm really sorry that was not my intention, I'm only saying what I think might be helpful.
I hope you have a great day/night whichever side of the world you're on.
@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement
Hey there! Unlike many of my other works, this one is simply meant to be a descriptive piece, so there isn't going to be a second part (though I am flattered that you would like one) Currently, the only thing that I am going to be writing a part two on is "The Woolfolk's Child". Happy Writing! -Timeless Mage
Awesome I'll be sure to check that out
thanks for letting me know.
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
I enjoyed this poem greatly. The first thing to catch my attention was how it is laid out and how you use a rhyme scheme that has each line end the same. I love that! That is not something that we normally see in poetry and so it really stood out to me.
This poem to me seems like it is talking about stars, besides the name (haha) there are some phrases that really stood out to me.
i love the words used and how well you describe throughout this poem. The words "sliver of light" are beautiful. Another section that i loved was this one:
I think describing stars as being rulers over the sky and over this darkness has such stong emotions attached to it. I am currently writing a novel where stars play an important roll, so this poem just was perfect for me to read right now. Your rhymes inspired me too! Awesome work!
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
Along with these incredible rhymes that you used, I noticed that sometimes it can be difficult to maintain a steady rhythem throughout. Here are a couple parts that sound a little off to me, as I read this poem out loud.
This one, may need a period at the end as well:
and this one sounded a little off to me
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
I love this last section:
finishing with so many describing words really finishes this off strong. Awesome work, friend!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Thank you for sharing your amazing poetry
Your friend,
Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
I like this take on the stars. It is different and you do a great job of evoking feeling in such a short poem.
If I was to make one suggestion; you could make the line "Rulers of the sky" a little bit longer so it matches the rest of the paragraph.
The rhythm of this was great and the rhyme scheme consistent.