Young Writers Society

Hello, this is Orabella here with a review!

I'm so sorry this has spent so much time without getting reviewed. It's such a shame because these poems are absolutely amazing! You got me to feel without any characters to worry about (which I should say is not an easy task!)


Let's start with the first, shall we?

A musing of time I think perfectly describes time. How time is ever-changing and how it can be interpreted. How slow it can be and how it can seem to fly by.

I really loved this imagery:

Like a line of ants, baking in sunlight,

Out of water in the Sahara.

That's such an interesting comparison to time, and something I definitely wouldn't have thought of to compare to time, but it makes sense nonetheless!

I like how you referenced sand, which is a strong connection to time and makes great imagery for the reader, and you did it twice! The Sahara being a desert adds to the sands of time feeling, and it's so interesting the way you did that.

I do have one question: what does this mean?

Haraka haraka Haina Bakaraka!

I don't know, maybe I'm uneducated or I'm just blanking on something I should know, but I don't understand what's being said here.

The one "real" piece of advice I have for you on this poem is capitalizing the m and the t, as that's what you do with the other poem titles later on.


Next is your poem At the End of it All.

I also love the imagery in this one as well. I took a look at your profile, and knowing that you love fantacy, I'd say this perfectly portrays a fantasy world in the form of a poem. Which I think is so interesting because I've never seen that done before!

I particularly like these lines:

Soaring, a streak of red in deep azure.

I don't really know why. I think it's just the sheer amount of information that can be taken from this one line that makes it so interesting to me. The streak of red could mean a line of fire from the dragon, or it could represent a sunset, as if the world is about to be thrown into darkness. It might also mean blood in water.

The glint of steel, victory unsure.

Steel makes me think of swords and armor in a battle, and an eerie feeling of uncertainty sets in with those final two words. Even without mentioning any individual characters at any point, I'm still worried about the people in the battle and what they're fighting for; if they'll ever get it.

Throughout the poem, you have a really interesting rhyme scheme that I didn't notice until re-reading it. I'm not sure exactly how it's structured, but it's so interesting to go back in and find those rhyming words. And yet you still made the lines fit so well with each other! None of the rhymes were forced, and the poem flows naturally.

Nothing I found for this one that I thought should be fixed.


Waiting is one of my favorites from this collection.

It's beautifully written, and oh my gosh the feels.

I'm not sure, though, who is the subject of the poem? Who is "you?" And who is the one writing the poem? A long passage of time has passed, so neither of them can be alive, right? At least not through the whole poem? I feel like they're either objects or ideas - like time or love.

Oh, wait, I'm blind:

Blood splattered on your face and clothes, but still you don’t move.

So now I'm even more confused. I think I'm trying to over-analyse this, sorry. XD The fact that we don't know who or what it isn't definitely doesn't take away from the poem in any way, and might I say makes it even better with the mystery of who it could be.

Again, the imagery in this poem is so beautiful. The beautiful things on the planet; the flowers and the mountains and the trees all fading to dust is so dreary yet so beautiful, and they way you described it all is incredible.

This line, especially, is absolutely amazing.

The earth is dead, its hot beating heart now a cold iron core.

I've never thought of the center of the earth like a beating heart, but I actually love that idea so much. It makes it seem so much more important and sweet to think of it as alive, and so much more bitter to know it's dead. (Also, as a bit of a science nerd, this is exactly what will happen to the earth. The core will cool eventually, and it's actually a major part in protecting the earth from the sun. The core cooling will likely destroy most life on earth. So, in a way, it's accurate to say the earth will die when that happens.)

I also love how thus far, all the poems have connected to time in some way. I like the correlation between all of them, and yet all of them are unique.


Scars is another favorite of mine.

Okay, I'm going to say it again, the imagery is amazing. You're so good at painting a picture in the reader's head.

Also, you're so good at making me feel. I was genuinely sad while reading this, and it was so easy to connect to emotionally.

This is my favorite line:

We surround ourselves with masks,

Some of our own creation

I love the concept of masks in general, and I think it makes wonderful themes and ideas. I also love how it can mean so many different things, but in general, it hides things. Things about yourself or things that relate to you. Things you may or may not like.

I also like the addition of the italicized lines. They add another sense of depth to the poem, even without being italicized, and I love the messages they carry. They're another reason I think that this poem seems so emotion-driven.

Also, this just shows how great you are at writing different forms of poetry. The style is so different than the ones before, also constantly changing perspectives and ideas while still making it beautiful and interesting. That's not an easy feat!


Sixth Sense is really interesting! I like how it gets darker and darker, and then it changes with that simple line, "The feeling passes."

To me, the way the poem is told feels like a person that knows things that they couldn't possibly know, and how they dismiss it later on. From this short poem, I feel like a whole story could be written. It already has a way to foreshadow things that could come, and a character with an interesting ability. Or not. It works just as well as a stand-alone poem.

I like the way this poem feels eerie, too, and how that feeling doesn't really go away. For me, it's really hard to write anything that can get the reader on edge, but you do that even before the halfway point of a very short poem!


And finally, last but absolutely not least, we have Insides.

Definitely one of the creepiest of your poems, this immediately filled me with dread. And you have a completely new rhyme scheme! Like the other rhyming poem, this one doesn't feel forced and flows freely.

For that very last verse there, it feels a bit off with the repetition of the word "hidden." If I were to change it, I'd find some synonyms and use those instead.

I really like the use of some opposite words, like real and fake for example. I think sometimes it can not make a lot of sense in poems to use opposite words to describe the same thing, but you pulled it off extremely well!

I also liked your use of clawing and crawling. They themselves can be considered rhyming words I believe, but they're different enough that I didn't get stuck when reading them, or think they were the same word.

My favorite lines for this were:

find the lie,

keep it inside

My prerogative,

Survive.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this! I had a blast reading and reviewing, and you should definitely write more poetry! You're too good to stop!

Keep writing, and have a fantastic day/night!