Young Writers Society

Good evening writer! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! But I thought I'd put a twist on it and make a new years themed review, let's get to it shall we?

🔢 Counting Down to New Beginnings: First Impression:

When I first read your poem, it whisked me away to a world of mystery and intrigue. The opening lines,

"Over the hills and far, Lies an isle deep in slumber,"

immediately captured my attention and piqued my curiosity. The use of rhyme and repetition creates a sense of rhythm enchantment. The description of a

"grayed out world, and pulsing heart of decay"

sets the stage for a story full of darkness and secrets. I couldn't help but be drawn in from the very beginning.

📝 Setting Resolutions: Room Improvements!

I couldn't find any room for improvments, the grammar and format the poem are well done. The transitions between different scenes and thoughts could be strengthened to create a more cohesive flow. But overall, great job!

✨Shining night stars: Highlights of Piece

One of the highlights of your poem is the exquisite and captivating use of vivid imagery! The line describing the sailing fleet "fighting sun" creates a vivid mental image of a courageous crew battling the elements in their of adventure. Also when you mention the lands being "yet untouched by these hands of man" it instills a sense of awe and wonder, as if nature's beauty is being revealed for the first time.

However, what truly strikes a chord the mention of a "pulsing heart of decay," which deepens the mystery and adds an eerie tone to the narrative. I feel like it really communicates an underlying sense of darkness and foreboding, suggesting that there is much more to this seemingly idyllic world than meets the eye. This contrast of light and darkness, adventure and decay, serves to heighten the overall impact of the poem and leaves the reader intrigued to uncover the secrets that lie within this uncharted territory.

🎆 Fireworks of Emotion: Favorite lines!

"What in the world is one to do when they love someone, as I loved you"

I really enjoyed this line because I feel it the raw and heartfelt emotions of frustration and helplessness that when someone loves deeply and grapples with the absence of their beloved perfectly. You beautifully express the longing and internal conflict that often accompanies the experience of love!

Where can it put its rainbow heart when color like a rubber dart will jump right that barren land, land in my empty, hand?"

This line is truly a poetic gem. The imagery it evokes is powerful and evocative. It conjures the image of a vibrant and colorful heart symbolizing love and hope desperately seeking a place to belong amidst a desolate and abandoned landscape. The metaphor of "colors jumping off, like a rubber dart", speaks to the fleeting nature and the difficulty of finding solace when one's heart feels empty and des. It perfectly captures the torment and struggle of holding on to love and happiness in the face of overwhelming loss.

"Its feet are worn to blood and bone the path reduced to soot and stone."

These haunting words convey the profound that grief takes on an individual. The metaphor of "'feet worn down to blood and bone" signifies the exhaustion and weariness of the person who has endured the long arduous journey through the depths of sorrow. The mention of the path reduced soot and stone symbolizes the fading of vitality and the depletion of spirit. It paints a vivid picture of the emotional and physical hardship one undergoes in depths of grief.

🥂 A Toast to the Future: Closing thoughts

Your poem effectively tells a tale of adventure, discovery, and the consequences of venturing into the unknown. The use of imagery and metaphor adds depth to the story. Thank you for sharing this captivating piece! Happy writing and may the New Year bring you inspiration and creative success!

Fly high writer, Cupid 💘