Over the hills and far away,
Lies an isle deep in slumber
A grayed out world, gone asunder.
Over the hills and far away,
Creeks a sailing fleet, fighting sun and spray.
To reach the forgotten isle, one day.
Over the hills and far away,
Colour blooms for the first time,
Like a fine flower, sublime.
Over the hills and far away,
A ragged crew finds new lands.
Yet untouched by these hands of man.
And yet, there lies deep within these idyllic lands
A seed of darkness,
A pulsing heart of decay.
With no more will to stand,
Those poor old fools
Collapse on sand.
Taken captive by the stillness of sea,
These men, washed up, began to pray.
Over the hills and far away.
They wandered inland,
these sea-crazed men.
To find that they were not the first.
Over the hills and far away,
These explorers met their end
At the pulsing heart of decay.
Surrounded by sun-bleached bone
There lies an explanation why
The isle was grayed out, gone astray.
And that, dear child,
Is why we never go over the hills and far away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello, friend!
You've written a lovely poem. It starts vivid with a sense of adventure, picks up with a sense of anticipation with this 'new land,' then leaves the reader with the eerie, chilling image of a barren boneyard. And your choice of terminology is absolutely perfect, and some particular lines that really stood out were...
"sailing fleet, fighting sun and spray"
"A ragged crew finds new lands, yet untouched by these hands of man."
"At the pulsing heart of decay...surrounded by sun-bleached bone."
These help build such a strong and telling picture while pushing the underlying story forward, and in so few words. That, to me, is the mark of a great adventure poem.
The structure, grammar, spelling; all of that was just right, I found no flaws and can't think of any room for improvement. I actually really enjoyed how the whole poem has a classical feeling, with notes that make it sound, in my head, almost like a sea shanty -very fitting, given you said it's inspired by a song.
Of course, I am no professional, so please take my word lightly. That aside, great work!
Good evening writer! Cupid here, I thought I'd fly over a review for you! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! But I thought I'd put a twist on it and make a new years themed review, let's get to it shall we?
immediately captured my attention and piqued my curiosity. The use of rhyme and repetition creates a sense of rhythm enchantment. The description of a sets the stage for a story full of darkness and secrets. I couldn't help but be drawn in from the very beginning.🔢 Counting Down to New Beginnings: First Impression:
When I first read your poem, it whisked me away to a world of mystery and intrigue. The opening lines,
📝 Setting Resolutions: Room Improvements!
I couldn't find any room for improvments, the grammar and format the poem are well done. The transitions between different scenes and thoughts could be strengthened to create a more cohesive flow. But overall, great job!
✨Shining night stars: Highlights of Piece
One of the highlights of your poem is the exquisite and captivating use of vivid imagery! The line describing the sailing fleet "fighting sun" creates a vivid mental image of a courageous crew battling the elements in their of adventure. Also when you mention the lands being "yet untouched by these hands of man" it instills a sense of awe and wonder, as if nature's beauty is being revealed for the first time.
However, what truly strikes a chord the mention of a "pulsing heart of decay," which deepens the mystery and adds an eerie tone to the narrative. I feel like it really communicates an underlying sense of darkness and foreboding, suggesting that there is much more to this seemingly idyllic world than meets the eye. This contrast of light and darkness, adventure and decay, serves to heighten the overall impact of the poem and leaves the reader intrigued to uncover the secrets that lie within this uncharted territory.
🎆 Fireworks of Emotion: Favorite lines!
I really enjoyed this line because I feel it the raw and heartfelt emotions of frustration and helplessness that when someone loves deeply and grapples with the absence of their beloved perfectly. You beautifully express the longing and internal conflict that often accompanies the experience of love!
This line is truly a poetic gem. The imagery it evokes is powerful and evocative. It conjures the image of a vibrant and colorful heart symbolizing love and hope desperately seeking a place to belong amidst a desolate and abandoned landscape. The metaphor of "colors jumping off, like a rubber dart", speaks to the fleeting nature and the difficulty of finding solace when one's heart feels empty and des. It perfectly captures the torment and struggle of holding on to love and happiness in the face of overwhelming loss.
These haunting words convey the profound that grief takes on an individual. The metaphor of "'feet worn down to blood and bone" signifies the exhaustion and weariness of the person who has endured the long arduous journey through the depths of sorrow. The mention of the path reduced soot and stone symbolizes the fading of vitality and the depletion of spirit. It paints a vivid picture of the emotional and physical hardship one undergoes in depths of grief.
🥂 A Toast to the Future: Closing thoughts
Your poem effectively tells a tale of adventure, discovery, and the consequences of venturing into the unknown. The use of imagery and metaphor adds depth to the story. Thank you for sharing this captivating piece! Happy writing and may the New Year bring you inspiration and creative success!
Fly high writer, Cupid 💘
Im pretty sure the quotes for your "Fireworks of emotion" are from a different poem, one that I did not wirte, lol. Thanks for the review!