The story so far: Following a strange message on her phone, Zoe and a handful of other children board a train heading to the Digital World. Armed with little more than a digital device, a D-Tector, they explore the digimon city "Flame Terminal". The local digimon seem mostly friendly, giving them a rundown of their world's current problems over dinner. They also warn them of an entity called Cerberumon, who's been stalking around Flame Terminal in search of a nearby Spirit. Spirits are all that's left behind by the Legendary Warriors of Ancient Times. It's said the Spirits have the power to grant wishes. Just now, Kei's D-Tector began showing her the way to the Spirit of Flame Terminal.
-Kei-
It wasn’t that Keisaki had no problem at all with the fact that they all (except Tommy) were heroes destined to save the world. On the contrary, the prospect sounded scary, and she was less sure about how to handle it than she would like to admit. But, and that was the important part, this was undoubtedly, undisputedly right. They were here for a reason and the reason was just. She could do this.
So when the voice-from-beyond, or whoever she was, told her to find the Spirit, a rush of excitement filled her. This was her first chance to do some good!
But the feeling came and went too quickly. She seized up, a biting chill freezing her insides, as a much rougher voice barked, “ Spirit? You know where to find the Spirit?! ”
Green fire lit up around her, separating her from the group. Zoe shouted in warning, giving Kei the presence of mind to jump out of the way when a dark shadow came at her. Claws on four powerful legs screeched over the metal ground as the black canine regained its momentum and turned around again to face her. Oh man, it really looked like the guardian of hell itself with shaggy white hair surrounding its head and grotesque skull decorations on his shoulders! This was Cerberumon!

And it was about to kill her! She had to think of something, quick!
“Stop! Stop! I’ll tell you where the Spirit is, just don’t attack anymore!” Okay, so it probably wasn’t the best idea to wage her hope of rescuing this world against their continued survival, but then again, she also didn’t want to die.
Cerberumon paused. His black eyes reflected the fire and gave them an unnatural green glow. She took her chances and added, “Without me, you’ll never get to the Spirit!” She waved her D-Tector and its search matrix for emphasis. Then she quickly braced herself for an imminent attack. What if huge, talking dogs obsessed with finding Spirits weren’t into diplomacy?
But the attack didn’t come. The green fire subsided and she could see that the Elecmon couple had herded the others back inside the house. They looked at the proceedings with fear. Keisaki just gave them a quick glance, since Cerberumon required her full attention. The hound was still fixed on her and the hologram her D-Tector projected.
“Show me the way to the Spirits and none of your companions will come to harm,” he said.
Kei gulped and tried not to think about what this admission left out. Her hands were shaking as she tightened the grip on her D-Tector. She considered the arrow on the hologram. “This way.”
Cerberumon nodded impatiently so she started walking, trying to ignore the sweat pouring down the side of her face and the wild staccato of her heart. She passed a shocked Izumi with both hands over her mouth, an equally horrified Junpei, and a Tomoki half-hidden behind the older, heavy-set boy and gave them a weak smile. At least they were safe... for now.
The map on her D-Tector brought them to a huge metal staircase leading down into the inner workings of the Flame Terminal. Cerberumon was directly behind her, breathing foul-smelling, hot air into her neck while she scrambled for the courage to do something.
It just wasn’t fair! The Spirit was some sort of magic wish granter, right? Well, she’d reach it first and grab it and wish him back to hell! Though that didn’t solve the problem of getting Tommy back home... Okay, so she’d wish Tommy home and then... arrgh, Cerberumon... She almost ruffled her hair in frustration.
The arrow of her D-Tector led them into a metal cavern with a large, equally metal pillar in the middle. Part of the ceiling and an entire wall was missing. Through the holes, Keisaki saw the black void that surrounded the Flame Terminal and the platform that they had arrived on earlier. Cherubimon’s work, somehow, according to what Elecmon told them. She only glanced around once before she followed the arrow through the cavern... Wait... When she passed the pillar, the arrow swivelled around and pointed straight at it. That could only mean.... Yes!
She stopped in her tracks, D-Tector still pointing at the pillar, and she was feeling very strange indeed. She knew the Spirit was behind those metal restraints. Cerberumon came to the same realization. Quick! She had to take the Spir—
Pain! Pain flashed across her side as Cerberumon took a swing at her and sent her careening against the metal walls. She was too stunned to catch herself and crumbled to the floor. Her ears were ringing, and her breath came out in a panicked wheeze. Keeping her eyes tightly shut did nothing to keep the pain away. That had hurt! That still hurt! It really, really did! She groaned, opening her eyes, cringing away from what she saw.
...What was that?
A brilliant, blue ring surrounded her midsection, partly going through the metal ground. Lines of white light travelled around its surface, making it look a bit like glowing barcode. She lifted a hand to touch it and shook her hand from the tingling sensation... Just... Did she hurt her head?
As if summoned, a headache formed behind her temples. From one moment to the next, the bright blue ring disappeared as if it had never existed. “What the heck...?” she mumbled, getting to her feet.
Cerberumon hadn’t noticed her sparkling hula-hoop; he’d been busy. The skull-decorated hellhound had demolished the pillar and half-molten metal pieces littered the ground. His efforts had uncovered an unbearably hot fire, flaring out of a grate at the bottom of the pillar. It was hard to see past the blue stream and before Keisaki could do anything, Cerberumon leapt inside.
Keisaki swayed on her feet; one hand gripping the wall, the other going for her injured side. Cerberumon’s swipe had torn that part of her T-shirt. Ow, ow, ow! Touching that was a no-go! She grimaced.
Her plan of getting the Spirit first had failed. She needed a new plan; she couldn’t stay here. But it was so hard to focus and something inside her didn’t want to leave. Something urged her to stay and... and—
Cerberumon shrieked. His form shook inside the blue inferno. Howling in agony, he leapt out of the burning death trap with flames clinging to his back. He threw himself to the ground, rolling around to extinguish them.
Keisaki ignored the screaming. Something much more important waited for her. Her eyes were fixed on the blue stream of fire. Blurring heat parted for a figurine floating inside the fiery geyser. It felt like its empty eyes stared right back at her. For a moment, she could have sworn there was a winged silhouette, merging with the flames.
Cerberumon recovered, its beady eyes burning with all-consuming anger at the Spirit resting in the flames. “You! I’ve weathered the depths of hell! Let me in and rip you apart!”
As if Keisaki would allow him to do that.
She let go of the wall, determination etched into every fibre of her being. The Spirit wasn’t for Cerberumon. It belonged to her. She knew exactly what to do.
Suddenly, her D-Tector was in her hand, and she pointed it at the figurine inside the fire.
“Spirit! Come to me!”
Detached, she watched the Spirit float towards her. It was small enough to fit inside her hand, sitting on a flat platform. Kei raised her D-Tector and let it absorb the Spirit. This was right.
Around her left hand appeared a shining ring of blue, like the large ring earlier. This was fractal code. She brought the smaller ring along the scanner on her D-Tector. A stream of blue fractal code erupted from the device and quickly surrounded her like a cocoon.
Execute Spirit Digivolve to.... Anumon!
And for a while, absolutely everything made sense. She stepped outside the data cocoon and didn’t wonder why she was at least a head taller, why powerful, orange wings protruded from her back and why she was wearing black leather armour.
Cerberumon stared at her new form with denial written over his canine face. “What?! It can’t be! Why is a human one of the Legendary Warriors?!”
Cerberumon was evil, Anumon decided. He’d done enough damage to the town. She needed to stop him. In a shower of fractal code, a light red bow appeared in her hands. An arrow followed suit once she pulled the bowstring back between her gloved fingers. She let it go, the arrow-head bursting into flames.
“ Pyro Shot!”
It traced a red-hot streak through the air before it collided with Cerberumon’s shoulder. That woke him from his stupor. He roared in rage.
“ Emerald Flame!” Green fire flooded towards her, but Anumon was fire. It washed over her harmlessly.
Less harmless was the enraged hulk of dog that threw himself at her. She vanished— scanned—the bow and met Cerberumon with both arms extended. But she severely underestimated his strength and weight. The hellhound crashed into her and took her off her feet. Her head cracked against the metal of the ground and suddenly, it took all she had to keep the slavering fangs away from her. He took a good swipe at her side, the one he hit earlier, and she felt the pain even through the layer of armour.
“Ngh!” Anumon managed to get her feet under him and kicked him off her. She summoned her bow again and brought it around to defend, but he was faster than she was. He pushed past her block and traced searing lines of pain across her torso.
Anumon was breathing heavily when she finally managed to slam the edge of her bow against his head, ending the onslaught. Another arrow lit up, but Cerberumon had learned to avoid the attack. He charged at her again. She threw herself out of the way and spread her wings for balance. Wings!
The human inside her recoiled, but Anumon knew how to fly.
As the ground lost its hold on her, Anumon began to chuckle. She raised her free hand above her head, paying no mind to the green fire Cerberumon sent her way. A dozen pinpoint lights appeared above them, rapidly increasing into their true shape of burning arrows.
“ Fiery Rain!”
True to the name, the sleek, black arrows rained from the ceiling. Cerberumon was quick enough to evade the brunt of the attack, and even the arrows that managed to stick themselves into his armoured hide didn’t seem to do a lot of damage. Then again, Anumon’s Fiery Rain wasn’t intended as more than a nuisance. Her trump card was the arrow pulled back against the bowstring. Its tip radiated light, constantly growing in intensity the more power she pushed into it. Anumon took a deep breath and focused, waiting for her prey to get into position for the perfect shot.
Cerberumon flicked the last, stray arrow out of the way, head swivelling to the flying Spirit Warrior. He snapped around just a moment too late, and Anumon let her arrow fly.
“ Critical Shot!”
The attack was incredibly powerful. It took so much energy that she could only muster the strength for it once a fight. The arrow struck true and pierced straight through Cerberumon’s body. His howl of pain quickly died out, and a shining ring of fractal code appeared around him. His form grew darker until only a silhouette was left.
Anumon beat her wings and landed before her defeated enemy.
“Your foolish endeavour only led you to a terrible fate,” she said coolly. She scanned her bow and materialized her D-Tector. “May my burning fire light up a different path for you in the next life. Scan!”

The data ring split up and connected Cerberumon’s code with her D-Tector. It allowed her to cleanse the digimon from that taint that led him believe destroying a town was worth his revenge. Cerberumon vanished and left an innocent, white DigiEgg behind. Anumon stepped back, secure in the knowledge that she gave Cerberumon the chance for a better rebirth. The egg hovered in place for a moment, then floated away through the hole in the ceiling.
Anumon took a deep breath. The exhaustion she'd been holding back overwhelmed her and a cocoon of data encased her. Her time was up.
-Zoe-
When Cerberumon showed up, I had to admit that my first thoughts were less than honourable. My mind erupted into a litany of “Nonononono”,and I sagged back in relief when Keisaki managed to lure the hellhound away. I tensed as I realized that she’d effectively sacrificed herself for us.
Tommy still clung to JP for dear life; he stared fearfully in the direction Cerberumon and Keisaki had taken. I figured I was the one to do something. Think! Quickly!
Well... The voice that had summoned us into the Digital World spoke to us over our D-Tectors, and she had also shown us where the Spirit was. I grabbed mine and whispered frantically, “Please, can you hear me? We need help! Can you also show me where the Spirit is?” I’m not sure what I intended with my desperate pleading. I was hoping for some kind of miracle or maybe for the location of another Spirit so that I could use it to save Kei.
The screen remained blank.
To make matters worse, Tommy decided that now was a good time to ask: “Is Keisaki going to die?”
“No!” I snapped.
The Elecmon and Poyomon shrank back. They still crowded the entrance of their house, somehow reasoning that they “already lost one potential carrier of a Spirit” and now needed to protect the ones remaining.
I wasn’t sure what exactly I should do, but I was willing to bet a solution wouldn’t materialize out of thin air. “I need to go after them. We need to help Kei!” The ‘we’ was more of an afterthought since I didn’t know if Junpei and Tomoki were as willing to jump into action.
Junpei for his part didn’t look convinced. Deep down I knew I couldn’t fault him for that—we were unarmed kids trying to go against a fire-breathing monster! I still resented him for his arrogance and cowardice, so I exploded, “Fine! Stay here while she’s going to die for you! I intend to help!”
With that, I marched past our Elecmon guards who rushed out of my way and watched me go with apprehensive stares.
It took me quite a while to figure out where Kei and Cerberumon had gone. In the end, I needed the help of one of the fluffy, grey Pagumon from earlier. She showed me the way down below the platforms. Just as I reached the stairs, footsteps sounded over the metal that covered the ground in the Flame Terminal.
I turned around and blinked in surprise. Both Junpei and Tomoki were coming towards me. I crossed my arms and waited for them to catch up. “What changed your mind?”
Junpei took a moment to get his breathing under control but still avoided meeting my eyes. “I think you’re right... We can’t let Keisaki do all the work... and maybe we’ll be able to use the Spirit as well...”
I accepted this explanation but shot a concerned glance at Tomoki. All traces of the tears from earlier were gone, and he met my eyes with determination. “I want to help, too.”
I turned back to the stairs. “Let’s go then.”
One level below the surface, the buildings forged out of metal plates made room for a long string of shining black corridors branching from the main hallway. Before I could ask if the boys had any idea where to go, a hellish howl sounded in the distance. I cringed, hands against my ears.
“That came from straight ahead,” JP said and, with only a moment’s hesitation, took off towards it.
In my hand, the D-Tector grew slick with sweat. I took a deep breath and switched my hold on the device. I followed him into the dimly lit darkness beyond the stairs. It continuously got hotter with every step until it felt like the air itself was resisting our approach.
Up ahead the noises grew more worrisome. I pulled ahead of JP and was suddenly the leader of our brave charge. The reality of what we were about to do caught up with me and my legs were too weak to carry me onwards. I slowed to a stop next to a half-lowered gateway and leaned against the iron wall to catch my breath. The blistering air itched and I coughed.
Before I could worry about the sudden noise attracting unwanted attention, a much louder howl sounded too close for comfort. I jumped and peered through the gap in the gate.
Beyond was a square room with a high ceiling. Straight ahead, a broken metal cylinder emitted a steady stream of flaring blue fire. Cerberumon stood next to the crumbled wall a little to the right, his head raised and staring toward the massive hole in the ceiling. JP and Tommy arrived at the gate just as a glowing arrow pierced Cerberumon and his body began losing all colour. A blue ring of... something appeared around him.
I was frozen in place and watched as some sort of winged archer in black armour descended through the hole. The upper half of her face was hidden behind a red dragon mask and a ponytail of bushy red hair sprouted out of her horned helmet. We were too far away to hear what she was saying to the rapidly disintegrating Cerberumon.
“What’s going on?” JP asked quietly. It quickly became his question of the day.
“Who’s that?” Tommy followed suit, pointing at the only digimon left in the cavern. It looked rather roughed up.
The answer to that question managed to clear everything up while answering nothing at all. An actual cocoon of glittering blue strings surrounded the digimon and soon revealed a familiar figure who quickly collapsed to her knees.
I think my heart might have stopped for a moment. Kei being so hurt and exhausted spurred me into action and I was on my way before I made the conscious thought. “Kei!”
The boys were following me, but this time I wasn’t holding back and reached the brown-haired girl way before them. I kneeled next to her. “Kei, are you alright?”
She was shaking and had trouble pushing herself up with her hands, but she looked up and gave me a lopsided grin. “I’ve felt better.”
I helped her into a more comfortable sitting position, and she grabbed her head in confusion. “Ouch. I’m feeling absolutely whacked. What happened?”
JP and Tommy came to a stop next to us, the former crossing his arms. “You can’t remember what just happened?”
“Things are a bit fuzzy.” At that, she struggled to get up and grabbed my outstretched hand with a grateful smile. Now standing, she pointed at her side. “Cerberumon took a swing at me and then... I think I got the Spirit.” She held out her D-Tector as if that would explain the rest.
I shrugged. “We don’t know more, either. But you kinda were a digimon...?”
“I was? But that wasn’t even what…” she trailed off, blinking sluggishly. “I guess that’s the Spirits’ power then. Whoa.” She poked her side and flinched. “That still hurts. And I still don’t know how to get us home, sorry.”
Cerberumon was defeated and the imminent threat gone. I thought we had earned our moment of relief. “Your digimon form has wings! You could always fly us home!”
“No way! I’m afraid of heights!” she joked lightly.
-Meanwhile-
The rampaging Cerberumon had left his effect on the nocturnal population of Flame Terminal. Normally they wouldn’t bother themselves with the affairs of daylight folk. But one irritated Sangloupmon and her equally nocturnal brother, Dobermon, had the misfortune of the commotion jolting them awake. Sangloupmon was a wolf-like creature with sleek, violet fur and massive blades protruding out of her four limbs and she hated bright light and the disruption of her sleep. Her brother’s glowing red eyes stared back at her, and the black dog let out an annoyed growl. Such a racket, just over Ophanimon’s Spirits!
The noises continued.
There was no helping it.
In silent agreement, the four-legged siblings rose and abandoned their sleeping place. They liked the warmth Flame Terminal’s furnace emitted, but for now, they had to settle for the abandoned ruin just outside of the city.
End of chapter
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Fight scenes! Exciting stuff!
As per usual, the questions!
If you read part 1, feel free to include it in these answers too :3
Spoiler
1) What was your initial reaction to the chapter?
2) What were your favourite parts and why?
3) What were your least favourite parts and why?
4) Did anything in this chapter surprise you?
5) Are there any characters you especially liked this chapter? Why? Why not?
6) Or some you especially didn’t like? Why? Why not?
7) What are your thoughts on Zoe?
8 ) What are your thoughts on Kei?
9) What are your thoughts on JP and Tommy?
10) Do you already have an opinion on the group as a whole?
11) What is your opinion on Spirit Digivolution?
12) How do you feel about the switch from 1st person to 3rd person?
13) Were any things confusing, unconvincing or unclear?
14) On a scale from 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy the chapter?
15) On a scale from 1 to 10, how eager are you to read the next chapter?
16) Where do you think the story will go next? Do you have any predictions?
HI
I loved the fight scene. I was really looking forward to it. The pacing is immaculate and doesn't feel too slow or too quick, and it really drew me in and helped me experience the fight. I like how they all regrouped at the end as well, and I love when they all chat with each other!
Observations whilst reading:
oKAY Why are we assuming Tommy won't be a hero (i mean, I know, but I am rooting for him.) I like this opening paragraph; it does nicely establish Kei's POV. However, that first sentence is a bit of a tangle of double negatives (it wasn't that they had no problem) and a reader (like myself) has to untangle it to realise that it means Kei DOES have a problem. I think 'the fact that' is often a bit unneeded since as the reader, we know its a fact, i like this phrase when people say it out loud, though.
And here there's three micropause in a short sentence and i'm thinking maybe 'that' should be 'this' and 'this' should be 'it' but i can't really explain why lol
I love this description of Cerberumon here. I like the idea of starting with claws but maybe a sense of progression up the legs - like Kei saw the claws first and then slowly looked up - could be better shown here, like maybe starting with the noise, then the claws, then the legs, describing each bit slowly in a long sentence to mirror the feeling a kid might have in this moment, if that makes sense?
It's a nice image but you've split the sentence across two separate verbs (reflected and gave) which I think disconnectes fire from the visual effect it's giving off, and showing it in a more cause-and-effect way, something like;
The fire reflected in his black eyes made them glow unnaturally green.
frames the fire as the active force in the sentence!
THE WILD STACCATO OF HER HEART IS GENIUS I LOVE THAT
This makes it seem like Kei is the one with hands over her mouth. She passed a shocked Izumi, who had both hands clamped over her mouth. might portray it a little clearer/
Idk with how much they want this kid home makes me think Tommy is gonna become very important and break the stereotype of the little kid who needs to be protected.
I don't think you need to say metal twice, or maybe change 'equally' to 'also'.
Should be 'were' instead of 'was' since was implies a singular thing is missing where as you have the ceiling and a wall so needs the plural form!
I think putting somehow at the start makes more of a mystery and less like there's a bit of the sentence missing, like i thought this was going to continue after 'them' so explain what her work somehow did, rather than you saying, somehow this was Cherubimon's work:
Somehow, this was Cherubimon's work, according to what Elecmon had told them.
I think 'more dangerous' is what you mean, instead of the double negative.
this confused me a bit, the em dash makes it seem like the sentence is She vanished the bow but inbetween she scanned something (her D-Tector?) and I guess by vanishing the bow you mean she dematerialised it or whatever the term is. I think it's just not the way we would say it in english but not necessarily incorrect. I would say 'she made the bow vanish' maybe? idk
missing a space between the comma and the and here!
I do think the first paragraph could be a little longer since we've just had the entire, detail fight between Kei and Cerberumon and Zoe's response is 'nononnonono' and that's really all we get XD Just a little more action, like maybe she has a thought about a specific part of the fight, would make it seem like she really had been watching and not just a character waiting around until it was her POV lol.
Poor tommy
Is there a reason she started by calling them by the nicknames and here starts using their fullnames?
YESS COME ON TOMMY YOU CAN HELP YOU'RE NOT JUST A BABY
Questions:
1. I was excited to see the fight scene!!!
2. I liked the ending from POV's where they met back up with Kei after the fight. I really like seeing them all interact.
3. Maybe jus that part about Zoe reacting to the fight because i wanted more
4.. I had no idea Kei would turn into a digimon, that was pretty cool
5. Kei of course, she was awesome.
6. Hmm i can't even say i dislike cerberumon cos he's a cool villain, so no
7. I like zoe, and i like that we get her first person narration instead of third like with Kei, though I wish this was utilised more like with her reactions to the fight
8. She was awesome in this chapter. Loved her characterisation and her decision making during the fight
9. They didn't have much to do/say in the chapter but I like that JP decided they should help out and that Tommy is determined despite being the youngest
10. Love their dynamic, want more
11. Spirit Digivolution is how Kei turned into the digimon right? I think that's awesome and is a nice way to give them the power to fight these creatures because i did think... hmm how are they gonna do this, not like they have guns XD
12. it is a little jarring but i do like the idea of it as it should help us learn more about Zoe's mind, but at the moment the same sort of details are coming through in both sections so it could be utilised a little more. I suppose Zoe is meant to be the MAIN main character?
13. A few things which i mentioned above in my review, nothing major
14. 10 (always)
15. 10
16. On to finding the next spirit and the group getting closer!
<3
Continuing my QA spree:
1) What was your initial reaction to the chapter?
In one word: Cool!
In two words: Cool fight!
2) What were your favourite parts and why?
In three words: Really cool fight!
3) What were your least favourite parts and why?
In four words: Not much as always!
4) Did anything in this chapter surprise you?
In five words: Not really, delete this question.
5) Are there any characters you especially liked this chapter? Why? Why not?
In six words: Kei, because we see her perspective!
6) Or some you especially didn’t like? Why? Why not?
In seven words: Cerberumon was boring, but in shounen, understandable!
7) What are your thoughts on Zoe?
In eight words: Sweet, common sense, feels like main character material.
8 ) What are your thoughts on Kei?
In nine words: Not as annoying, level-headed in chaos, cool fighter! (Yes, level-headed counts as one word)
9) What are your thoughts on JP and Tommy?
In ten words: They are children but they made the courageous choice regardless!
10) Do you already have an opinion on the group as a whole?
In eleven words: The group hasn't exactly evolved as 'one' yet, still needs time.
11) What is your opinion on Spirit Digivolution?
In twelve words: The main feature of the entire Digimon universe, it's a neat transformation!
12) How do you feel about the switch from 1st person to 3rd person?
In thirteen words: It made the then-me think Zoe was the MC, because of the difference! (yes, I am now considering abbreviations as one word)
13) Were any things confusing, unconvincing or unclear?
In fourteen words: Not really, Digivolution is the main thing about... yk... Digimon fanfics, except some fanon-shipping.
14) On a scale from 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy the chapter?
In fifteen words: The then-me would rate it 9/10 just for the fight, but for the now-me, 8/10 (yes, I am counting anything between 2 whitespaces as words now)
15) On a scale from 1 to 10, how eager are you to read the next chapter?
In sixteen words: I did go on to instantly read the next stuff, so the then-me would say 10/10.
16) Where do you think the story will go next? Do you have any predictions?
In seventeen words: It's redundant now, but I expected another few characters to be introduced, more battles, and spirit-finding shenanigans.
Anyway, that's all! I hope your spreadsheet looks neater now! Great writing, only if I could write this well... anyway, good night! :p
Yours sincerely,
The Rebel
P.S.: 'This fills me with determination' is an Undertale reference.
Green Room review, woohoo! Let's do this >:) I'll focus on answering your questions for this review!
1) What was your initial reaction to the chapter?
When I first opened this particular work, I was excited to see the new POV! And I had really enjoyed Kei so far, too, so double yay!
Next, I was curious as to why Kei's POV is in third person while Zoe's is in first. Regardless, I do like how her narration voice is immediately more self-assured, ambitious, and "prepared." It's a nice juxtaposition.
Like this line! We'd never find that in Zoe's POV haha.
2) What were your favourite parts and why?
Kei's transformation was pretty dang epic! I liked that we got to see the form of Anumon from two different POVs. You did a great job describing her appearance, and the fight between her and Cerberumon is freakin epic!
I know this story is based off of a tv show, but it honestly feels so much like a video game! Kei has what is essentially a mini map on her D-Tector, and then the special combat moves like Pyro Shot and Fiery Rain are straight out of a pokemon fight! Is this actually because the tv show is based off of a game? I seriously know nothing!! xD
I also enjoyed seeing Zoe, and also JP and Tommy, overcome their own "refusal of the call" moments.
3) What were your least favourite parts and why?
Part 2 is a lot stronger than Part 1, in my opinion! As I went over in my last review, the pacing of Pt 1 is just way too fast.
4) Did anything in this chapter surprise you?
Yes! I was honestly expecting Kei to lead Cerberumon to somewhere random where the Spirit definitely was not, or at least attempt some degree of trickery at the end there. In the end I liked that she essentially made the decision that protecting the lives of her new friends was most important, and that she also had faith/confidence that somehow, though she knew not how, the Spirit would protect them and not give itself over to Cerberumon. She was right!
I was also surprised that Cerberumon struck her right away. It seems like he got what he wanted (the location of the Spirit) and was immediately like "BYEE don't need you anymore!" Oh and I was pleasantly surprised to see JP and Tommy work up the courage to join Zoe toward the end of the chapter.
5) Are there any characters you especially liked this chapter? Why? Why not?
Kei, with her courage, sacrificial nature, and badass transformation!
6) Or some you especially didn’t like? Why? Why not?
N/A
7) What are your thoughts on Zoe?
She's a good main protagonist because she's ill-prepared and lacking a lot of knowledge about the digital world, which makes her narration the perfect tool for teaching the reader about the world. I wish you'd lean into that more by acknowledging her states of confusion and dwelling in them longer.
8 ) What are your thoughts on Kei?
My first thought here was dang, she's really not a fan of him, is she?? #justicefortommy
...but I think I misread her. It's not that she doesn't like him, she just sincerely doesn't believe that he's capable of having a heroic arc. She seems to be annoyed by him, but she also was still prepared to use her wish to send him back home, so - that certainly stands for something!
I thought I could power through more reviews tonight, but I guess it's been a long day since I am falling asleep at my desk right now! Gotta wrap up the review here, but overall, I really enjoyed pt 2 of this chapter - pacing felt better, we saw a new POV which was refreshing, and we're already starting to see some character growth!
Great job as always, Tika! <3
Wolfi
Hey Tikaya! Alex is back with a review, on the second part of chapter one. This one looks considerably shorter too, won't take long. Let's dive right in! I'll be using my previously established style- initial reactions, followed by the answers.
Reactions ~
Showing more of the inner turmoil and doubt, particularly for someone who appears as perfect as Kei- Bravo! I'd been hoping for more of these, glad to see it implemented.
Oooh, it's Cerberumon, isn't ittttt?
That's a very... rich imagery ToT (sorry, I only knew poetry language). This art is so detailed and vivid though, I can imagine it so well and it's not good for how scary this is ahhhh
Love when I'm right, the best sense of achievement! ^-^
I really love how well structured your lines are, always a treat. And it's a clever thing to say as well, almost like a humorous narration like- uh oh, we're screwed, chat.
When you put it like that, it appears that will attack most certainly. Only to betray the readers the very next line. I appreciate a good manipulation and misdirection in writing! But if you're such a natural in them, I wonder on how big of a scale can you really execute it, to everyone's shock. One must use one's strengths to one's advantage, afterall (remember the publishing journey advice, right? XD)
Poor girl, she just wants to hear her own fate in the contract. I can't really tell if it's humourous or good thinking- but I love what you've done here! I do understand the Elecmon couple but herding everyone back like that- didn't they just leave Kei at her worst back there? If Zoe and JP were with her, they could've thought of a way out, as they look to me like the voice of reason more than Kei here. They all could've, at least, been distractions, there's only so many people Cerberumon can handle at once. Saving everyone else isn't the worst way to do it but it makes things a LOT worse for Kei, as I can imagine. And the fact that the group didn't relent to it, also says a lot about them. I believe that's the only part this story terribly fails at now- a close bond between our protagonists. Nothing that some time won't fix though!
Hmm, I think there's something wrong with the word 'equally' and the ones around it here. It doesn't fit right, I'm sure you meant something else so this would probably be an easy fix.
That's a neat action scene, great writing!
Silly repetition to establish that comical effect WITHOUT harming the integrity of the serious action packed helplessness- only a genius could pull this off. WoS is lucky, for you clearly are one.
Interesting.. so the spirit will always choose and it's going to be our protagonists. Doesn't that make the whole search a little less exciting though? The villains can just hurt the heroes or battle after the digivolution, never become one with the spirit themselves. Like who are we kidding- don't they need a D tector similiar technology to merge anyways? Also- where are the other several children that boarded the train to Digital world. There aren't a thousand spirits so not everyone gets them, I'm sure. What makes our protagonists the lucky bunch? There might be a plot hole brimming if you're not careful..
So the spirit, Anumon, has taken over the body of Kei- am I getting it right? Or has Kei unlocked a new spirit avatar to use in future battles? Whatever it is, so cool! Here is a problem though. Did Kei know how to shoot arrows before? Because if not, shooting so flawlessly is a tiny little plot hole. But you could explain it easy if she were to transform as Anumon take control of her, , making her capable of everything within the capabilities of the Spirit. Either way, I think you should cover that in some future explanation.
Wonder if you have the guts to make that shot miss.. it'd be such a shock, if that happens in a future fight
I'm not sure I follow, what revenge? I see a history lesson is needed XD
See, a good hero always does that. But as good FRIENDS, you were supposed to at least follow her to make sure if she's alright and try to interfere if she needed instant help. I get that they may have been more burden than aid, given Kei was transformed while JP and Zoe would've remained a vulnerable target as humans, but the intent matters so much more!
That's more like it, good girl! I'll try not to judge too soon next time, if you promise to do more. Okay, Zoe?
Well the following part was a lot. First came my sudden realisation that why the same expectations didn't turn up for JP? I initially thought it was my bias from before, but on more analysis, no. JP has always done more than Zoe this far, handling Tommy and acting more courteous towards the Elecmons. On the other hand, Zoe has been basking in the protagonist privileges. It feels fair to expect her to compensate in this hour of crisis. I will acknowledge JP's tardiness here, even if it falls into character for him. He has disappointed me a little to in terms of development be honest too, guess this redemption arc is going to be a little delayed. He looks like a character you never know to rely on or not and that's a strong tool for a writer. The unpredictability isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I have a feeling it's intentional. I don't like you playing with my mind, Tikaa but you happen to be exceptionally good at it.
Quite fascinating. I'm sensing a pattern here. Zoe's frustration with JP's inactivity is overriding her worry and determination to help Kei. She's not doing it for Kei any longer, but rather is competing with JP about the thing. Caring and competitiveness, if that isn't a receipe for disaster, I don't know what is. Also it sabotages their unity as a group. I really need to trust the process right now..
Haha that was sweet, it's always great to get these filler treats in between. I did have a thought though- don't you think you closed Cerberumon's story a little too soon. He got mentioned, gained momentum and boom- dead. I do believe his storyline was a little too fast paced. But then again, I understand your limitations given it's a fanfiction and well, you needed some action with Anumon. Just thought to point it out but still, it's not big of a thing to worry about.
Let's move to the questions now!
Answers ~
1) What was your initial reaction to the chapter?
Thrilled! Not many chapters open with such important scenes you.. Cerberumon appearing out of nowhere and Kei stuck with him is such a terrifying scene to read through but I couldn't really stop. Plus the rest of the group being pulled away- that stirred conflicted opinions of their own. You had me hooked right from the start with this one!
2) What were your favourite parts and why?
The way Kei negotiates with Cerberumon and the horror to find out she's alone and he doesn't assure her safety either. Seeing her throught process of trying to find a way out felt so natural and exciting to read. Plus the action was great, even if a teensy bit too predictable. Parallely, seeing Zoe struggle to find a way to help and go out alone was pretty grave and showed where her loyalties lie, even though her motivation ends up a little misguided. Oh- and when the Spirit chose Kei- very satisfying. Also I loved that Tommy got a line, beyond the incessant crying XD
3) What were your least favourite parts and why?
I think the part where Kei was searching the spirit, with Cerberumon behind. The descriptions of the buildings made things look real and flowy but I found them a little unnecessary and too detailed. I would still keep them if I were you though. They make the ultimate find of the spirit being in the pillar and the sudden attack on Kei more satisfying to read. If you wouldn't have built the scene upto that point, I doubt it would've been that impactful. The same can be said about Zoe going through the same place and the depiction of all that, yet again. But it was important to establish connection as to when they reached Kei and what part they were able to see. I feel like even in general, I hate those part setting up the background (yk in drama scripts that there's a sofa that faces tv, beside it lays a rocking chair and opposite is the central bedroom accompanied by a bathroom blah blah) so I can see a pattern. Still, if there's something you can do to cut out exactly what doesn't help, feel welcome! The end feels a little too ambiguous and odd, but I won't jump to conclusions just yet..
4) Did anything in this chapter surprise you?
Tons, it was brimming with them! Cerberumon appearing (biggest and most obvious), Kei being left alone and no one resisted, JP and Tommy eventually coming around, Kei becoming Anumon (I didn't think that's how it happened, even for spirits). A little firecracker, if you ask me.
5) Are there any characters you especially liked this chapter? Why? Why not?
Quite the switcheroo we have here! Zoe more, but Kei too. Zoe was clearly worried and tried every logical way to help her friend. When that didn't work out, she didn't hesitate I'm throwing herself in danger, despite being alone in the endeavour. I didn't like how she get competitive but this much care and going beyond their way for someone who appeared as nonchalant and lost as her is more than enough for the day. I'm willing to excuse a flawed intent in name of character layering (aka making them complex and humane), considering her recent character development. Kei, I feel showcased a lot more depth, worry and vulnerability this chapter. Exactly what I wanted from her, whatsoever. Now that I think about it, even Tommy was great! A kid crying till yesterday is ready to risk his life to save a friend- that's huge! About JP, I'm disappointed. I can see his reasons very well but don't agree with them. The only reason I'm cutting him some slack is that he realised his fault and rushed to help soon after. I'm not the most pleased from him right now, but I know he'll get me back on his side.
6) Or some you especially didn’t like? Why? Why not?
JP for his hesitation for action and Zoe for letting pride blind her intent. I think I've explained the rest already, in much detail.
7) What are your thoughts on Zoe?
8 ) What are your thoughts on Kei?
9) What are your thoughts on JP and Tommy?
Covered these already, Tikaa! Zoe is doing better than ever before but she needs to keep it going and find a way she can contribute to the group, in a situation other than a crisis. It's a good skill to work under pressure but you can't let others carry your weight all the other time. And she's the protagonist- of course the expectations from her exceed that from the others! About Kei, she's doing good. She needs to get in touch with her emotional side but she's getting there. I think it'd help her give true confidence. We've seen her easily approach strangers but she still stumbles. Perhaps embarking on the self awareness journey will help her to be more spontaneous in general. About JP, he needs to pull himself together, for better or for worse. It's wierd, because he's exactly the type of layered characters I've wanted to read- but that doesn't make me him any less. Tommy certainly needs to set his foot down, about the whole thing. I feel he could be the anchor of the story, you know how children often open the adult's about simple life purpose of being a good person? I feel if he's preserved for that purpose, his own growth might have to remain stagnant. I'm curious to see which one you choose but it's going to be a great read, nevertheless.
10) Do you already have an opinion on the group as a whole?
I can still see fraction, the girls and the boys split in two. Even when the boys came around, Zoe still held her grudge saying she can't let them get to Kei first. Pride destroys relations, they see. We'll see if the same happens here as well. My initial opinion holds- it's going to be quite a while before I start seeing them as one, whoever fault it may be. Right now? It looks like they're all taking turns.
11) What is your opinion on Spirit Digivolution?
Mixed honestly, it's still too early to judge.. I feel at least the human could be conscious the whole while and share existence to aid the spirit in suggestion. Right now, it feels like they just need a vessel. And that sounds pretty villiany- considering the aftermath Kei was left to deal with. Yes, she got rid of Cerberumon and will eventually help them reach back home, I don't know if I like the method. What if the spirit failed, as it was looking like quite a close call- would it be worth having Kei killed in a fight that was not even her own? The spirit could always wait for another human, Kei has just one life. I don't like how our protagonists are being forced into the whole thing. I liked Narnia's version of dealing with this dilemma much better- the protagonists are eager to get away from their boring and helpless lives. But I understand, it can't work in every scenario. Overall though, the concept is pretty cool, if not a bit draining for the host.
12) How do you feel about the switch from 1st person to 3rd person?
As in, the end? Well, it has its pros and cons. I do prefer the 1st person narration though, it helps you get into the thought process of a particular character and the flaws in it, even makes the reader biased. It's not the most reliable but I like being kept on my toes. For a scene such as the last one though, only a third person could work. We're not as familiar with these new characters for 1st or 2nd person narration, so an omnipresent voice works best. If you were testing the waters for more 3rd person narration in the future, I'd not be eager but I'd tolerate them. I'll just prefer if they were scattered, less frequent and only used when necessary.
13) Were any things confusing, unconvincing or unclear?
I think the boys' change of heart, but just a little. Again the end scene feels out of place, but I'm sure it was put that way, as a mere peek. I do think the power dynamic, or lack thereof, between Anumon and Cerberumon was a little concerning. The warriors were supposed be powerful legend, and still had a tough time beating a beast? Other than that, things flowed rather well.
14) On a scale from 1 to 10, how much did you enjoy the chapter?
7.5- the Kei scenes were great, except the perhaps excessive architectural details but with the other protagonists- it was complicated in ways that I like but not necessarily enjoyable. The initial starting out thrill pulled up the score though.
15) On a scale from 1 to 10, how eager are you to read the next chapter?
8, as this one doesn't end up on that big a cliffhanger. There's a glimpse into totally unfamiliar characters while personally, don't appear too appealing. I'd read it just fine, but I'm not jumping with joy on the prospect. One good reason that might be is because the immediate story story of the chapter was wrapped up rather well. That's an achievement! I think that's because it was just the first part before that we got such a half but exciting end. It feels more satisfying to have each side quest finished by it's chapter.
16) Where do you think the story will go next? Do you have any predictions?
These nocturnal being will attack now or something related. Also, the grudge Zoe has against the boys, manifests in unexpected places. Kei may also secretly resent or be disappointed in the group for deserting her. There's something group drama about to unfold, for sure!
Well the material was certainly less and lighter this time but it ends up taking the same work, effort and time each time XD. No matter, you make it worth the deal. Great read, could've been more refined but then again- it was barely the pilot chapter. Keep writing, it's been a pleasure to reviewing this for you. Hope it was helpful. Until next time.
Love,
Alex