That's right. Be scared.
Take short sharp breaths. Once...twice...three times.
Everything you've ever loved is gone. It's gone.
So now what?
Well, whatever you do, think of something else.
Like how much you regret--What am I saying?
If it helps, I learned a new way to let your heart go numb.
All you have to do is take it off of your sleeves
and shove it down your throat.
Silence yourself.
Choke with your head held high. It's the new fashion these days.
Trust me.
Now smile...no, not like that; act like you mean it.
A little wider...
wider...
Good.
Good. Just lift up the phone and get it over with.
Now post it.
Post the message, come on. #Lovemylife #bestdayever
#cantstopsmiling.
Everyone will notice. They will all be jealous too. Your life is the best.
By the way, your mascara is smeared.
You might want to fix that.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,801 Reviews
I... love this. More than you'll ever know. *hits like button*
Now this'll be stuck in my head, though...
You. Are. Awesome!
Haha! Thanks :p
Hi there, this is... A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!! I am actually spell bound!! I love a poem with good satirical humor and this blew my mind right off its rocket.
"If it helps, I learned a new way to let your heart go numb.
All you have to do is take it off of your sleeves
and shove it down your throat."
Those lines did it for me!
I think little things say an infinite more than paragraphs and really, can there be any greater achievement for a writer than to make his readers go speechless?!
Aw, many thanks %u2665%u2665%u2665
Oh my god...
Congratulations. You've left me speechless.
-Kamryn
Hey there, Scarlet here to review!
As far as I can see this poem has no grammatical or punctual issues that really stand out.
This poem is rather depressing, but how true it is...It's scary. Because I don't think anyone else really sees how true it is. I'm guessing your reference in this poem is towards depression.
I especially like this line, very original. I have written poems like this before none of mine are as well crafted.
I've suffered from depression and still am, so this poem rather means a lot to me. It hit the emotional string I had and most poems rarely do so. This poem has been beautifully poisoned with the truth of reality and that gives it 10x more to the meaning.
You did a great job on this and I encourage you to keep writing like this.
I give you a...
Sincerely, #FF0000 ">ScarletDreams14; Member of the #00BF00 ">Mystery Machine review team
Haha! Thank you, Love!!!!
Yes, my poem is referring to how this age is so prone to masking the pain that we feel inwardly to put on a show for others. Almost as if we are caged animals controlled by the crave to fit into the latest cultural trends and deal with our struggles in the background when everything is said and done.
I, too, struggle with depression, though not medically acknowledged. It's because of the little pieces of a heart that I managed to collect after my relationships; hence why Iadded the "I learned how to let your heart go numb" line :p
But I am so glad that you could connect to this poem as I connected with it. Thank you for your support.
Hey, Chips here with a review.
I liked how you made this poem seem personal so that the reader could easily relate with it. The momentum built up was written pretty well. I thought you captured the reality of what many people may experience on a daily basis and social media is the most popular place right now where people like to showcase how good or bad their life really is, in this case it shows that social media can mask someone's true identity through a simple hash tag which begs to differ.
There is always room for improvement, so I have a few suggestions to make - mainly just nitpicks.
I thought overall the poetic element on this poem is somewhat lacking. It almost reads as if it's a perspective from a journal, or along those kind of lines as it seemed like the character was thinking all the things written in their heads. Using poetic devices such as imagery, alliteration, pathetic fallacy and more metaphors and descriptions would be of great use to this.
I also thought it would be even better if the formatting was slightly more structured.
"By the way, your mascara is smeared.
You might want to fix that."
This was the memorable line in this for me. It was witty and quite melancholy due to the character having so much to fix in themselves, yet they may have only noticed the mascara smearing and would want to perfect that in order to be viewed a certain way by society. The mascara was great symbolism and I liked how it was the same as the title.
Overall good job on this and I hope this review helped. Keep writing!
--Chips x
Thank you so much for reviewing my work!! I really appreciate it.
I must say that many of the things I write are..."journal-like" in style. I tend to just write exactly what comes to my mind in the moment and I don't really like going back to "fix" or "rewrite" my thoughts to fit into standard guidelines for poetry. It's strange really; I don't not consider this poetry myself.
I am working on actually writing pieces that fit the poetic category though. I struggle with following certain forms but I will eventually get it right.
The ending line was fun to write. In my head I thought "BAM!" haha. It was meant to be a symbol (you caught it)!! The whole poem was geared towards masking myself (or the reader) in order to preserve a certain personality/reputation in the media, yet the smeared mascara was meant to represent that there is always something we have to work on, or something that hints that everything is not as well as we say it is; others just have to look closely to catch it.
Thank you so much for the awesome review love!!!
The last two lines made chills explode through my body.
It is absolutely amazing, that you not only create a piece that relates to the women of today, but you can keep it poetic.
I'm not the kind to wear make up, or post things online... But I am one that suffers from depression. And you've perfectly described the feeling of pretending to be okay, when you truly feel like you're dying.
Also, I don't know why, but i got a "tick tock" feeling from this.
Anyways, you're a very talented person. I really love this poem.
Good luck to you!
Thank you!! And it's true. So much attention is focused on social media and I see girls posting pictures as if they are determined to impress the world yet provoke it at the same time.
I'm curious about what you mean by a "tick tock" feeling o;
I can't describe the tick tock feeling. But I'll try... it's almost as if while you're reading it, there's a demon (or something) leaning over your shoulder saying, "tick tick tick tick" As if setting the rhythm. sorta... not exactly.
Hmm...that's the first.
You never know. It could be me. I might be a God o; Jk, jk.
But I do get a creeped out vibe from the first line if that counts for anything XD
It's a sign! And you never know... Poets have more "inner" demons than most people. Heck for all we know, the creativity isn't even ours. It's the demons.
That's deep...
Much bitter.
Such catty.
Wow.
Wow. This was right up my street! I think for up and coming writers in the now, Social media and the facade that comes along with it is such an important genre to cover with lots of room for interpretation along with different opinions and experiences. This was brutally honest, my favorite line depicting this is '' I learned a new way to let your heart go numb.'' Very brave and raw. So all in all im loving it, subject matter,language,fluidity, It's all there.
The only criticism I have here is that it reads in the form of a diary entry more so than a poem. Ive struggled with this myself in my writing. But I think you'll find it much better if you adapt your work into some sort of poetic order using some poetic techniques. Mess around with stanza formation,onomatopoeia,metaphors,rhyming schemes ect. This is clearly a very personal work and if you feel you are happy with it then dont touch it. You are clearly quite talented to being with, these are just my opinions!
Keep on writing,
Booshian.
Thank you so much for reviewing my poem and for the positive feedback ^-^
I've also noticed that my poems are nothing close to standard poems. They lack the...poetic structure, I suppose. I personally do have a hard time piecing together my thoughts in a civil/orderly fashion. I tend to just write what comes to mind at very second and continue on from there; rarely ever going back to change anything. I like to think its not a poem but a note to myself >%u2026<
I am, however, working on putting together stanza's and consistent rhymes. Its a struggle for me but I am bound to get it.
Thanks so much for the awesome review love!!
don't worry about it, im the exact same. It all comes with practice I suppose. The hardest part is being able to articulate your thoughts into writing and you've clearly got that down so half the battles already won!
I agree with the review below. It was definitely an interesting poem to read. Except for me I feel like it was more along the lines of saying that even the happiest people have issues but I could be wrong. My favorite line was the line about shoving your heart down your throat, silencing yourself so you don't get hurt and then letting everyone know that everything is perfectly fine even though it isn't. Great job, keep up the good work!
This poem was meant to reflect how deceiving things can be; you hot it right
I loved that line as well. I was actually sketching a picture and I remembered hearing something about people wearing their hearts on their sleeves and always getting hurt. So I scribbled down "best way to not get hurt: take heart off sleeves and shove it down your throat. You welcome." It was quite witty but I just had to add that into this price because it was how I felt at the moment.
Thanks do much for the awesome review love!!
This was amazingly interesting (the ending especially made me smile.) I'm guessing this was a confidence boost kind of poem (but instead by criticizing and humor I love that technique), (if I'm right) It's astoundingly creative, it's like someone is talking to you, but really your reading (Yet it seems like we are not) I really enjoyed it, it was very realistic, like just don't care, and just smile, pretend, stop being ignorant kind of thing. But seriously great job dude! And rock on!
Haha!! Thanks love.
The ending is one of my favorites because throughout the poem I build up so much self consciousness and masking the pain underneath but the end comes and its all contradicting sarcasm. I'm glad that you liked it too; and youre right about the criticism and humor. That was my goal :p
And to make the poem seem as if it was addressing the reader was one of my main objectives. I actually wrote it as if it was a second voice, demanding that I grow up and stop being so emotional but also encouraging me to be myself.
Thanks again for this awesome review!!!
Haha so creative, that's amazing!
Keep writing!