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Winter

by TheWarriorMingan


When the air starts to bite,

And my feet get a chill,

I know it’s that time of year,

My soul loves still.

My heart starts to beat,

Fluttering at will,

Making me breathe in,

The cold, sharp chill.

The leaves have fallen,

Replaced by frost.

Helping me forget,

The ones I’ve lost.

My cheeks are pink,

But not from the cold.

I’m merely excited,

Of all the adventures,

This season holds.

But it’s still June,

So I must hang on by sheer will,

To the thought,

That holds my soul still.

My heart is held captive,

By that silvery night.

When everything was perfect,

And bathed in silver moonlight.

Winter is the time,

When everything is still.

Oh, Winter,

Please, hold me captive,

Freeze time,

As you do the snow.

Let us reside forever,

In this wonderful place,

None other knows-

Don’t let me forget,

The love I felt

At the first snow,

When a moonbeam revealed,

The first crystal that fell.

The night air

Swirled around more.

The wind graced my ears,

And my nose,

Welcoming me,

To the first snow.

Winter is the time,

When I can feel peace.

The time when I know,

What Eternity will be~


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263 Reviews


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Reviews: 263

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Tue Jun 22, 2021 5:08 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey there, Mingan! I hope you're having a good day!

Okay, this poem is really quite lovely. It's haunting, ethereally beautiful, and the imagery is amazing. I loved it for the most part. There are some things I'd like to point out, though.

It felt slightly jarring when you switched from having a proper rhyme scheme to having... another one? I'm not entirely sure if you created a rhyme intentionally or not in the second half of the poem. Anyway, the ending is still good, but given that this began as a slow, gentle poem with a definite flow, perhaps you should have tried to stick to some sort of rhyme scheme throughout or altogether avoided one. But this is purely my opinion.

My cheeks are pink,

But not from the cold.

I’m merely excited,

Of all the adventures,

This season holds.

This one passage particularly stood out because it wrenched away from the abcb rhyme scheme and became abcdb... which was then abandoned. :/

My heart is held captive,

By that silvery night.

When everything was perfect,

And bathed in silver moonlight.

Gorgeous descriptions here. I had some great mental visuals.

Okay, one more thing; you don't have to end every line with a comma or fullstop. In this case, I really advise you NOT to. Many of your lines would work wonderfully as enjambments, but they're ungainly split by punctuation.
Making me breathe in,

The cold, sharp chill.

For example, here if there was no comma after "in" you get a really good enjambment that makes the flow of the poem so much smoother. Just a suggestion, though.

To the first snow.

Winter is the time,

When I can feel peace.

The time when I know,

What Eternity will be~

This was a very nice ending! I imagined it being read with a wistful sigh at the end.


Okay, so my overall impression: your poem is excellent. Has some things that could be worked on, but that's subjective, so I'll leave it up to you. I loved your diction - it was nearly immaculate - and I think the tone of underlying sadness (and yet an odd sense of comfort) came across very well. Good job! I look forward to reading more of your work.

Keep writing!

~ Lee






Thank you, Lee! I will work on this some more. :)



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Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:28 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello there! Forever here with a review!
I too love winter and u did an appreciable job in putting your feelings in the poem. I can feel through your poem the love you have for winter. Believe me, this was superb.
Language:
I have little to tell about the language because I couldn't find a single flaw in the whole poem. I couldn't get one thing:

The leaves have fallen,

Replaced by frost.

Helping me forget,

The ones I’ve lost.

How the falling of leaves helping you to forget the ones you have lost? Um... Are you comparing the leaves with the memories or something of that sort and the falling of the leaves indicate you forgetting your memories? I would like a better explanation of this part.
Oh, Winter,

Please, hold me captive,

Freeze time,

As you do the snow.

I just adore this part.

Overall
The language, style, feelings, literary languages you used are just incredible. It just holds the minute to major feelings of us during the winter. I love winter.

I hope my review makes sense. Stay safe and stay happy






Thank you!

That one part is like the changing of seasons, like time helps heal hurt. I think that's what I was getting at.





Oh I see. Great



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Sun Jun 20, 2021 4:55 pm
FireEyes wrote a review...



Hello TheWarriorMingan! Incoming review!

My favourite season is also Winter, so this brought me a lot of joy. I can see Winter brings you some comfort and peace.

So, about the actual poem. I loved the use of figurative language. You use only really use personification and imagery but it feels like a lot more. I personally think a great writer is someone who can make you see or think about things that are not specifically told upon. I can see, and this is slightly childish, the ice spirits from Frozen 2 and all the swirly ice magic Elsa uses. When you use this line

The night air

Swirled around more.

The wind graced my ears,

And my nose,

Welcoming me,

To the first snow.
I can feel my nose getting a feel of the icy wind and hear the howling of the freezing winter air. It's slightly ironic because I don't live in a place that gets snow, or even below the 50s. But you made me experience something I rarely get to do. And it feels great!

More to the message now it seems like something happened in the previous season that made it like a landmark for a tragic event. Such as the song "Wake me up When September Ends" has.
The leaves have fallen,

Replaced by frost.

Helping me forget,

The ones I’ve lost.
This stanza talks the loudest in terms of this becoming the theme. It just strikes me as personal, and not just a favourite season. <3

I have just a few critiques here. I see you use the lines in way of them creating sentences and you use periods and commas to separate them. But I also see that all of your lines are capitalized. When I first read it, your poem seemed slightly stiff. Perhaps with each line that is a continuation from a previous line, you can keep the line lowercased. It would give the flow a more whimsical vibe to it. Though, this is a stylistic choice, and you don't have to change it if you don't want to.

One other thing I would say for critique is this line,
Oh, Winter,

Please, hold me captive,
Although I love this line on its own, it throws off the flow of your rhyming scheme. The word you used that's supposed to rhyme is "snow" so perhaps "jacket" or "adaptive" or something else. I personally don't know how to fit those words, but maybe you would.

But that's all I have for today. I hope you found this useful. You really made a beautiful poem full of whimsy. I'd love to see more like this. Keep on writing! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeee<3






Thank you, FireEyes!
(I personally have never seen either of the Frozen movies, but I'm glad you felt the icy wind!)



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Sun Jun 20, 2021 1:56 pm
MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hi, Mingan!
Here's a short review for you today!

When the air starts to bite,

And my feet get a chill,

I know it’s that time of year,

My soul loves still.


You did very well with this beginning. You introduce the topic of Winter so clearly and without even using it's name! I love the personification that comes with the wintry phrase "the air starts to bite" and it also gives very cold imagery.

The leaves have fallen,

Replaced by frost.

Helping me forget,

The ones I’ve lost.


The rhyming feels very effective to me in these lines. It shows how snow and ice covers up the remnants of Fall and causes you to forget what was there before.

When the poem gets towards the end, I feel the rhyming sort of falls apart. It doesn't feel as consistent with the beginning of the poem and takes away from my full comprehension of the end.

Anyways! I really enjoyed this poem. I feel like it accomplishes a lot in regard to Winter and has a lot of imagery that I liked! Take what you will from this and keep on writing!






Thank you, May! I will definitely work on rhyming the ending more.




Time is not your best friend - unless you use it wisely.
— Marco Pierre White