Why do we love a place?
Is it the furnishes
Or the windows
Is it the house
Or the shack?
Do we love a place for its riches?
Is it grand
With spires
And spiral stairs
With delicate china
And an abundance of rooms?
Do we love a place that is poor?
Is it damp and dank
With a single candle
A rotting floor
With wooden plates, enough for two
And one room for five?
Do we love a place for the people?
The ones who give us strength
Who brighten our day
A place where friends abide
Greeting life and crying death
Working side by side
Breaking sweat and breaking bread
The ones who hug and cry
For Goodbyes and Hellos?
This place that we’ve found
Where friendships blossom
And old ones never fade
This is why we love a place
This is Home~
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Greetins, WarriorMingan! Lee's here to drop a review for your lovely poem!
I'll let you know right away that I think you've chosen a good, solid subject to write on. It's a poem that isn't so subjective or targeted that only a few people can relate to it, but rather one that is bound to pique the interest of most readers. Simply put, most of us can relate to it.
regarding your structure, however, I have some misgivings. I enjoy writing blank verse myself, and don't have a problem with that, but I'm confused regarding how you've used punctuation. In some laces, it aptly ends a sentence, but in others it is simply non-existent. This didn't create a flow, it just confused me; take this stanza.
There are evidently many phrases in this, but they do not form one coherent sentence because there isn't any punctuation. Now, punctuation in poetry is highly subjective, but I suggest that you use it in this poem. It can do more good than harm.
Quite a lovely ending, I must say, but one that can - again -do with some punctuation. A comma after 'found" and a semicolon after "fade" ties it all up much better than doing without.
Overall, I liked your diction, imagery, and subject. The ending was especially well done; I agree with you when you say that the people are what make a place lovable. You can live in a mansion or in a small house, but only if you have the right kind of people around you will you come to love the place and consider it home.
It was quite well-written. Good work! I hope to see more of your stuff around!
~ Lee
Thanks Lee!
I will definitely put more thought into my punctuation!
Hi TheWarriorMingan!! I'm here to review your work.
First of all, I really loved the idea that you have tried to express so beautifully in this poem, that homeliness and people are the main reasons why we love a place. I can count numerous places I love, but they don't have any special attributes, neither grandeur nor poverty.
Anyway, so let's begin with the review.
STRUCTURE
This is a point where I really appreciate this poem. I feel, in blank verses, structure does play a role for the flow. The structure of your poem was very interesting. And it provided a really good flow to your poem.
LANGUAGE
The language used was great too. Not too modern, which was good since this is an evergreen message.
Suggestions
In these lines, I think Goodbyes and Hellos should be interchanged. Because when a person reads both lines together, hug-cry, goodbye-hello, so both these pairs seem to be associated respectively. Which would be strange since why would someone cry on hello? Except when they are happy tears
Other than that, the poem was phantasmagorical.I don't find any major flaws in it. That's all I have to say.
Good job!! Keep writing.
Thanks Anne!
Hi slubbs here with a review:D
I liked this poem a lot it was an interesting concept.
The wording had a really nice flow, that’s hard to do without rhyming but you absolutely perfected that!
I agree with the other reviewers, I love how you build up to the points adding more detail.
“Breaking sweat and breaking bread
The ones who hug and cry”
This was my favourite part! I kept reading it and thinking wow what a cool and meaningful line.
Anyhow the only thing I would change is the exit line. It didn’t roll off my tongue like the rest did.
Overall this was an exquisite poem!
I hope to see more of your works. Have a good day, and continue on your writing journey:D
Thanks!
Hi! I'm here for a quick review.
I like the topic and the simplicity of this poem. It's not all complicated, it's easily understandable. I really like the way you build up to the main point (I could use that style too) (Hope you don't see it as stealing your style). The questions, hypothetical or not, really makes the reader think. Though it doesn't rhyme, the words simply roll off my tongue, something that I really appreciate (I find it hard to write like that). The alignment also somehow enhances the point.
My favourite part was this :
Do we love a place for the people?
The ones who give us strength
Who brighten our day
A place where friends abide
Greeting life and crying death
Working side by side
I liked the ending, it wrapped up the entire poem nicely.
I have no critiques for this poem, it's perfect!
Keep Writing!
Thanks, Phillauthet!
Hi Mingan!
Here's a short review for you today!
I really like how you build on the main question and answer the different individual questions throughout the poem. I especially like this one because it brings a more personal aspect to the poem when switching from describing the physicality of a home.
Ending the poem this way really closes well by answering the question from the beginning. The only thing that I think should be edited slightly is the very last line. I think it would work better if it matched the 2nd to last line more and say "This is why we call it Home~"
Anyways! Very nice poem and I enjoyed reading it a lot! Take what you will from this and keep on writing!
Thank You, May!