The Mayhap Friend - An experience I had thirty seconds ago

Ha! I used to wonder why parents forbade us to make online friends! Here's the answer - or is it?
Hey TheWarriorMingan!! I'm Anne here to review your work.
I liked your poem a lot because it was so suspenseful and also about something that can happen any time with someone in any online community. Also I liked the usage of behind in the last sentence- it seems like a pun to me, but obviously that depends on whose perspective its been written. The way I found it was- don't look back on the past- and also don't look behind you, in case your parents are behind, your expression may give them the opinion you've done something wrong. I am assuming that their name wasn't nice.

But why did you leave it hanging? I'm dying to know what the name was!! (Although I can understand that might be you have to do that to keep their name confidential. ) Also I am using them to say S/he. Hope you got that.

I don't find any flaws in this one but maybe a little description about what your after thoughts were would have added to its beauty. For example- did you feel guilty after cutting ties with this mayhap friend. Or did you feel downright repulsed by their name and couldn't even imagine what their personality might be.? I wonder whether you left that to give it ambiguity?

overall, I enjoyed reading your poem Keep writing

Hi there TheWarriorMingan! I saw this poem hanging around the green room and thought I'd drop by with a quick review for ya c:

I agree with Phoenix that I enjoyed that this poem was short, sweet, and to the point. It reads a bit like a story in poetry form to me - it has the build-up, climax, and resolution of a good plot. The only part I do feel is missing is an intro; who is the speaker in this poem? what are they doing? why do they want a friend? Right now we're just thrown into the middle of the plot, so to speak, and don't have a chance to empathize with the speaker or get to know them/their motivations at all.

For example are they lonely? Bored? Restless? Excited? Those would all provide vastly different backgrounds for everything that follows! (Little teensy nitpick while we're talking about the start of the poem -> "thier" should be "their" ^^)

I did really enjoy the pacing of the poem! It had me on the edge of my seat, wondering what would happen next c: Like Phoenix mentioned, the use of lots of short, snappy one-line sentences added to this effect as well I think. I do think a few longer sentences for contrast would be nice (using dashes and semicolons often can help with that), but on the whole, I liked the fast-paced flow it created.

I'm also left wondering what in the world this person's username is - a bit of a poetic cliffhanger xD

I did find your choice of the word "mayhap" to be interesting -> that's a fairly antiquated word, and the rest of the vocabulary in this poem is pretty modern. Usually I would suggest not mixing language like that, but in the case of a humorous poem like this I think it just adds nicely to the humorous aspects ^^

Overall this was a fun poem to read! I hope this review is helpful, and if you've got any questions about anything i brought up don't hesitate to ask c:

Keep writing,
whatcha

Hello! FlamingPhoenix here to drop of a short review...hope you don't mind!

Okay lets dive right into this now shall we!


Hmm, now this isn't something I read everyday.
I find this poem a little funny because you posted it on a sight full of unknown people.

This poem is a very good example of be careful on the internet, you never know who you will meat and what their like. This poem is a good lesson really.

I would also like to say how quick and trait to the point it is, normal poems I read had a flow to them and you can read them slowly, but this one for some reason made me want to read it really fast as if I was in a hurry. I think its the emotions behind it and how you worded it.
I also think the short quick sentences help too.

So as you can tell from my review I really don't have anything bad to say about this poem. In my opinion its been done really well and if you haven't been in the possession of meeting someone not so cool online its a little funny but also very true and makes you more aware of it.

I tip my hat to you Warrior this really is well written! I do hope you have a great day or night and stay all warm. Its winter here so its nice to be warm. XD I do hope you will continue writing and post on YWS soon I would love to see more of your works.

FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

hmm intresting