Hi, Zoe! Mage here to do the promised review! So let's get to it, shall we?
I'll start with the overall problems like in the last two parts of this story. Remember to apply what I told you in the last two reviews here as well; I'll save both you and I a lot of time by not going into detail about those and instead get to the problem I noticed for this chapter. My main problem with this chapter is about your dialogue. (Which, by the way, does a great job of showing insight onto how the characters think. It's a good way to give them more defining characteristics.)
With only one or two exceptions, your dialogue and its tags work like this: "Dialogue" Dialogue Tag (such as "said"). If you occasionally flip the two around, you'll be able to do a better job of keeping the reader focused on the story. It's also just more visually appealing to have variety like that.
Now onto the specifics!
“Teach them to endure weather, temperatures, and climate to understand that they may miss the frost…” One of the gods murmured to Xaos.
In the first chapter, Xaos' name has an accent over the "a", and throughout this chapter it doesn't. I'm not sure if you didn't realize it didn't or if the first accent was unintentional/changed. But whatever the case is, you should settle on one of the two options. Also, though his name has been mentioned, I'm not sure if you've actually included any description on his role as a god. My suggestion is to include a description, however small, explaining. Mystery is always good in literature, but you can't leave the reader to stumble around blindly in the dark.
"And we start with a frost?" Xaos looked towards them. "Very Well. Let’s see how well they can harvest."
The "W" in "well" should be lowercased. Also, that comment suggests that humanity still hasn't evolved past the agricultural stage of life. If that's true, nice job on slipping that fact in!
"How do you know all of this?" She followed, looking up at him.
"Because the gods told me so." He grinned.
I can see the basis for a future conflict here. Solex seems to be in the dark about most things, specifically related to the gods, while Xelos seems to be very close with them. She only seems to really interact with her brother at this point in time.
“…Wake up.” Xelos said louder. The blankets remained stiff. He sighed, throwing a book at the mass. The sheets then shifted as Solex, now twelve like her brother in god years, stuck her head out of the covers. She rubbed her eyes.
I would suggest providing an explanation of how those twelve god years translate into human years.
“I-I did? When?” He stared in oddity as the lily reduces to ashes.
Solex shook her head, laughing harshly. “This is just stupid, There’s no way you could’ve forgotten that!”
"Oddity" is an odd word choice. "Confusion", or something similar to that, would work better instead. Also, there should be a period or a semi-colon after "stupid"; if it's a semi-colon, the first letter of the second phrase should be lowercased like the "i" of "if" is in this sentence.
This is a really interesting development that I didn't see coming. I wonder how it'll play into the events of later chapters!
One day, Solex decided to go and get food for them, because they realized that even without the need to eat, it calmed them. She opened the door, a bag of apples hanging from her arm. Apples were almost unable to be found after the frost so they had an abundant amount in a root .
The first is read like a run-on, so I would suggest splitting it up into at least two separate parts or use a semi-colon instead of one of the commas to connect the different phrases.
After "root" there's a space. It also sounds like a word is missing. Going on context clues, was "root cellar" what you wanted to use there instead?
One last comment on this paragraph before I move on. I love how you included the reasoning for why the two eat. Not only is it a good plot device, but it's a great creative twist!
“Xelos! I’m Home!”
The "H" in "Home" should be lowercased.
“…And then the family adapted the child to their liking…”
This line and the following paragraph really took me by surprise. I'm not lying when I say that I held my breath for a second; it was such a shocking and unexpected turn of events. The scene was very well executed. Xelos' mutterings and Solex's absolute horror about the situation made it even more emotional than it would have been if those weren't included. Also, you tied in the frost that was created at the beginning of the chapter. I think, though this was the saddest part in the chapter, this was also my favorite one for the reasons I just mentioned.
“…And then the family adopted the child to their liking…”
I love how Solex changed the single letter and was able to make everything better. I feel like this part of the story is a good way to teach aspiring writers the importance of checking for errors in your writing. If you don't, horrible things might happen to your characters instead of what you originally intended.
“…They made me do that.”
She sighed. “I…I know.”
This was a heavy hitter.
First off, Solex most likely will have to pay for her edits; maybe she'll play innocent and deflect the anger the gods will possess for her changing something they ordered.
Here's the part that really gets me: the gods ordered Xelos to write that. My assumption is that they'll become the antagonists of this book because of similar scenarios that might play out later on. If that isn't the case, they'll definitely be a source of conflict throughout it.
My suggestions, as in Chapter 1, are to read your work over out loud before posting it and to read any other type of literary piece that you can get your hands on (whether it be an article, poem, story, etc.).
One of the things that I love about this story is how you introduce new and intriguing concepts each chapter. This chapter, for example, included the creation of frost, Xelos forgetting what he writes after he writes it, and the gods using him as a tool to suit their goals for humanity. Your characters are already beginning to be clearly defined. And, overall, this book is a very interesting read!
Keep up the great work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck on your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night!
Points: 1234
Reviews: 590
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