Casey weighed her options carefully. Plan A: Bash heads
Plan B: Die.
Casey was thinking the best way to go was definatly plan A. She cast a sideways glance at Landon. He smiled slightly. "Crazy Idea Time?" He gleaned
"Crazy Idea Time!" Casey agreed gleefully. A tall man stepped forward His skin was as grey as ash, his ears were long and pointed like an Elf's. He had long white hair that tumbled down to the small of his back, held at the end by a golden ring. His purple eyes were dark and cold as he stared out at the children. His eyes fell on Avalon, and some expression sparked in his eyes, but it was gone too quickly for Casey to identify it. Then Casey saw the red embroidery along the lining of his black robes. "Look at the designs on his robes." Casey whispered to Landon. "No one else here has any decorations on theirs. I'll bet he's their leader."
The white haired man spoke in a commanding voice "Surrender now, you six. You are clearly outnumbered."
Casey nodded to Landon. It had been agreed apon that they would use their magic only in a life or death situation where nothing else would work. This was most defineately one of those occasions.
"Yes, we may be outnumbered-" Landon shrugged
"-But you are clearly outmatched!" Casey finished. Thick vines burst from the ground, sending most of the army of hostile Mages flying. Avalon, Ingred, and Iris all entered combat with varying levels of confidence. Lightening bolts flew, swards clashed, and Iris blew craters in the asphalt with powerful blasts of light (Hopefully they wouldn't have to pay for that.) Avalon was frying people with his lightening fingers (Casey made a mental note to ask him about that.) and she and Landon continued to wallop drothes of enemies with nature. All hail flower power. Then, with their attackers on the verge of retreat, a chilling voice sounded behind them.
"You fought valiantly, young ones." It said. Casey whirled around in time to see the white haired man thrust his sward into Landon's stomach. "But now it's time for you to die!"
Casey stood frozen in horror as the man twisted the blade deeper into her brother's gut. "Like the dog that you are!"
Landon's face contorted in agony, then his eyes dulled and glazed over as the life left his body.
..................................................................................................................................................................
As Casey and Landon's vines continued to wreak havoc, Avalon and Ingred were fighting back to back. a small legion of skeletons had joined the fray, more or less evening out their numbers. "I think now is a good time as any for you to learn to shoot lightening." He shouted over the sounds of battle. As if on cue a hostile Mage charged at Avalon and he shot him down with a powerful bolt of electricity.
"I guess your right." Ingred agreed.
"Focus you energy" Avalon instructed. He blasted another enemy across the lot. "Concentrate on your target an shoot."
Ingred did as he instructed and her hand was almost instantly alight with flames. The look on her face was so shocked it was almost comical.
"Fire." Avalon stated impassively. "We can work with that. Try shooting it."
Ingred pointed her hand at a nearby Mage and string of flames shot from her fingers and the Mage was instantly alight in a purple inferno. He screamed in terrified agony, and Calemnvir chuckled. 'you know, I'm actually beginning to enjoy this. Tell her to do it again.'
Avalon put the poor soul out of his misery and electrocuted him. Ingred looked down at his burning carcass in horror. Avalon put a reassuring hand on her arm. "It's okay, you'll get better at it."
Then Avalon heard a sound that sent him running across the lot. Casey's screams.
..................................................................................................................................................................
The white haired man pulled his sward out, and Landon crumpled lifelessly to the ground, staining the concrete red with a slowly growing pool of his own blood. It took a moment for Casey to notice that the screams that filled her ears were hers. she fell to her knees beside her sibling, cradling his dead body in her arms, crying into his ruffled hair. She heard the metalic scrape of a sward being drawn above her, but she didn't look up. Casey buried her face deeper into her brothers hair, waiting for the final strike to come, but nothing happened. Instead she heard Avalon shouting something. A name? The sound of fighting ceased as Avalon and the white haired man faced each other. Casey barely heard what they were saying. She gently passed a hand over Landon's eyes, closing them. She didn't notice the army fading back into the night. She was jerked out of her stupor by the sound of Avalon's voice.
"Casey, I need you to put Landon down." There was deep understanding in his tone, as if he knew what it was like to suffer. As if he had felt her pain many times over. Casey clutched her brother tighter to her, unwilling to give up her brother's body. Avalon gently laid his hand on her shoulder. she looked up at him. The emotion in his normally expressionless silver eyes surprised her.
"Casey," He said gently. "Let him go." along with the compassion in his voice, there was also athourity. Casey laid her brother back down on the asphalt. Avalon knelt beside him, and laid his hands on Landon's chest, where his heart was. He was still for a long while, except for a slight tremble in his arms, then without warning, Avalon collapsed on top of Landon, for a sickening moment neither of them moved, then Landon's eyes fluttered open.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Heya, TheFantasy14! Myth here for another review, as you can probably tell.
It was kinda funny reading this, considering I just wrote a scene in Magic Awaits You were Jim/Twitch gets hurt, and Josh has to save him; which he does by getting his hand glued to Jim's chest.
Anyways, onto your story!
Ok, so I liked this chapter, there was just a couple things.
Spoiler
Now, Landon's death. If he dies, leave him dead. It just seems more... realistic that way. I know this is fantasy, but I've always thought bringing people back to life was odd and semi-confusing. So if you want to kill off a character, then do so. If you just want to show some awesome healing spells and have drama, have the character come close to death, but not fully die.
Spoiler
*definitely
Either put a period after "forward", or put a comma instead and un-capitalize the first "his"
*upon
*definitely
*lightning *swords
*lightning
*sword
A needs to be capitalized since its the beginning of a sentence.
*lightning
*and
*sword
She needs to be capitalized with these since its the beginning of a sentence
*sword
Ok, I think that's all.
Have a great day, and keep writing!
~Myth
Lau here to review!
" Ingred, and Iris all entered combat with varying levels of confidence."
Hold on. Confidence? How? They learned this secret world in less than a day! They should be awkwardly doing hardly anything.
"You fought valiantly, young ones." It said. Casey whirled around in time to see the white haired man thrust his sward into Landon's stomach. "But now it's time for you to die!"
Don't kill this guy yet. I know why you are doing it, but wait. Let everyone breathe for a moment. I would suggest a chat so that everyone can get to know each other type of thing. Like we did in the Storybook.
"I guess your right." Ingred agreed.
"Focus you energy" Avalon instructed. He blasted another enemy across the lot. "Concentrate on your target an shoot."
No! This is not the time! Calm down. I need to breathe. Not have characters already be great at magic. Let them learn it like walking...slowly...with loads of falling and pain.
"Casey buried her face deeper into her brothers hair, and waited for the welcome silence of death to come"
I rolled my eyes at this. We know she isn't going to die...there would of been no point of her if she did. So, you didn't really have the readers begging to know if shes alive. know what I mean?
Either way, I like it a lot! Love the plot and can't wait to read more. Never stop writing.