The Return of Magic: Part One Chapter Three: Explanations and Complications

by Europa

Published September 9, 2015

12+ Violence

In Return of Magic

"Duck!" Avalon yelled. Ingred hunkered to the floor, and so did he. "Iris duck!" Ingred shouted. There was a pale yellow flash of light and a bang, and Veridia flew across the room, crashing into a wall of shelves an landing on the ground with a heavy "Oof!" Avalon rose from the ground, brushing dirt off his hands. "Did you do that?" He asked Iris.

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Iris's eyes were wide, her face was pale. "I didn't mean to! Honestly I didnt! I didn't duck in time and she was going to hit me so I lifted my hands to protect my face and...Kaboom!" 

On the floor, Veridia groaned. 

"We don't have much time." Avalon muttered, more to himself then to the girls. 

"Don't have much time until what?" Iris inquired.

"We have to get out of here before the others arrive."

"The other who?"

"Come on."

"Would you please tell me what's going on?"

"I'll explain everything later. For now just stay behind me and try not to die."

"Fantastic. Did you come up with that all on your own?"

Avalon just stared at Iris for a few more seconds before dashing away. Ingred and Iris followed close behind him. The three had scarcely reached the hall before they heard the sounds of thundering footsteps pounding down the stairs. "Uh-oh..." Avalon murmured.

"Please tell me that's just the other kids." Iris pleaded to herself. No such luck. Down the stairs pounded a group of a dozen men and woman festooned in different colored cloaks and armed with all sorts of weapons. "Get them you idiots!" Barked Veridia's voice. Iris whirled around to see her bolt into the hallway. "When did you--" Iris began to say, but suddenly a burning pain scorched through her shoulder. She yelped with surprised pain and looked around to see what had hit her. The feathered shaft of an arrow was protruding from her shoulder blade. Blood was scorching from the wound and down her blouse.She pulled it out, crying out as the jagged arrowhead tore from her flesh, and pandemonium broke loose. 

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The struggle was over before it even began. The three were vastly outnumbered, and their attackers easily overpowered them. Ingred, held tightly by a woman holding a deadly looking broad sword, stared around for any means of escape, but saw none. Veridia's slim mouth curled up in a cruel smile. "Now, which one of you shall I kill first?" She mused, pretending to be thoughtful.  "How about you, girl?" She smirked, pointing at Ingred. Her guard jostled her into the center of the circle and raised her sword. Avalon's reaction was almost immediate. "Watch your head!" Avalon shouted, and Ingred ducked. She heard a sound like a circut breaker blowing, and the woman fell to the ground, twitching and shuddering. Ingred stared around at the battle that was once again raging. She suddenly felt different. Stronger. Suddenly the floor in front of her cracked open and skeletal hands clawed their way over the chasm. Ingred screamed. The hands grabbed whatever part of their attackers they could reach cloaks, ankles, legs, and dragged them into the Abys. Now only Veridia's and three of her cronies remained. Veridia leapt at Ingred and before she coild react trapped her against the wall. "A possible little magic show, necromancer." Veridia's hissed soft enough for only her to hear. In the background Ingred still heard sounds of combat and Avalon shouting. Veridia's praised a knife to her throat. "But it will be your last." Ingred squeezed her eyes shut. A chill seeped into her bones and she prepared for death to claim her...except...it didn't. Ingred opened her eyes to find that everything had froze.  Veridia's few remaining cronies were all stopped in whatever position they were in, even Avalon and Calemnvir were suspended mid-battle. Carefully, Ingred loosed herself from Veridia's clasp. She stood in front of her, and waved a hand in front of her eyes. She didn't even blink. She  just continued to stare ahead as if made of stone. Ingred wandered through the room, staring at each frozen face. "Did I do this?" She wondered aloud, her voice echoing through the still air. Without realizing it, Ingred's  wanderings had brought her to Avalon. He stood with his hand outstretched, something blue and pulsing glowing between his fingers. Closer scrutiny revealed it to be small bolts of lightening. Avalon's face was a mask of ferocity, his ebony hair billowing around his eyes. On a sudden whim, Ingred reached out and touched Avalon's shoulder. He instantly unfroze, lurching forward as the bolts of lightening shot from his fingers, hitting a frozen cronie, who remained upright mad still as if nothing had happened. Avalon blinked rapidly, surveying the scene before him. He looked from Ingred, to the frozen battle, and back to Ingred. "You stopped time." He whispered in awe.

"I did?" Ingred asked confusedly.

"You stopped time!" Avalon repeated with a little more excitement. "You hardly ever come across that kind of power in a young Mage! Had no idea you were so powerful! This could change everything!"

"What are you talking about?!" 

Avalon obviously wasn't listening, though. He was looking around the room and muttering to himself. Ingred stooped down and touched the tip of Calemnvir's ear. He leapt to life, hissing and spitting. After awhile he seemed to realize he wasn't being attacked, because he turned to Ingred with a curious "mrrrrr?" 

"Yeah. Apparently I stopped time or something like that." She told him.  She chuckled. "Look at me. Talking to a little kitty cat." She scratched the little animal behind the ear, and moved off to unfreeze Iris.

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'Little kitty cat?' Calemnvir quavered, sounding as if he was about to explode. 

'Easy, Cal.' Avalon soothed

'Little kitty cat?! Does she have any idea, any slight suspicion of who she's talking to?! I am royalty and I will not be addressed as little kitty cat!'

 Avalon sighed a little at the feline's arrogance and knelt  down so Calemnvir could hop back onto his shoulder. He did so, and Avalon strode over to Ingred and Iris, who had just been unfrozen. "We have hurry. This spell is only temporary so we need to find Adrin and get out of here as soon as possible." He said. Iris folded her arms.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on." She refused stubbornly.

"I'll explain on the way, but right now we really need to get going. Unless you want to be shot full of arrows in about ten to twenty minutes when the spell wears off."

"We'll gee, I think I'll have to add the whole getting shot full of arrows thing to my been there, done that list. Would now be a good time to mention the hole in my shoulder?" She squeaked a small yelp as her injury burned with pain. Iris reached out to massage the wound and barked out a shout of surprise as her hand started glowing with what seemed like sunlight. She jerked her hand away, and stared at it as if expecting it to suddenly jump up and strangle her. Then she noticed the pain in her shoulder was gone. Slowly, she reached out with her finger to touch the place where her wound had been. There wasn't even a scab. "Holy saints." She whispered to herself.

As Avalon rushed through the building, searching hither and thither for his twin, he tried to explain what was happening to Ingred and Iris. "Back in the middle ages, magic was commonplace. Most of the people back then were either necromancers, mages with power over darkness and the dead, paladins,ages with the power of healing and light, or Druids, mages with the powers of nature. But there were some people who believed magic was unnatural and dangerous. They began hunting down and killing mages, and soon magic and the people who practiced it were wiped from existence. Now magic is coming back in the modern world, and there are still people who want it gone."

"You mean Veridia and all the other cloaked crazies?" Iris inquired.

 "Yes. Veridia and her henchmen are Myth Hunters, people who track down and exterminate mages."

"But what does that have to do with Ingred and I? You told Veridia we weren't mages."

"No I didn't. I said you weren't the ones she was looking for."

The  young mages turned the corner and literally ran into Adrin, who was frozen in the act of running from some very hostile looking Myth Hunters. 

"Can't he just use his magic?" Iris asked. "He's a Mage too, isn't he?"

"Yes. Unfortunately paladins are usually more healers then they are fighters."

"What about me and Ingred? What kind of mages are we?"

"My guess would be that you're a paladin, and your sister is a necromancer."

Ingred stepped forward. She had to stand on tiptoe to touch the top of Adrin's head. Adrin unfroze and continued running, knocking Ingred flat on her back. As he dashed past his brother, Avalon reached out and fought hold of the collar of Adrin's shirt, jerking him to an abrupt stop. "Thanks." Adrin gasped. He headed back over to help Ingred but she had already risen form the floor. "Sorry about that." He apologized. "It's kind of hard to put on the brakes when pulled out of suspended time like that." 

Ingred smiled. Avalon couldn't help noticing how beautiful it was. "I'll have to work on that." She said. Avalon cleared his throat. "I hate to be that guy, but we really should get out of here." Adrin nodded, his golden curls bouncing. "Sounds like a plan. But if we really want to get out of here fast, maybe we should teleport." Ingred and Iris, who were standing behind the two brothers, exchanged a look that seemed to say are they serious? 

"Good idea."

'No! Not a good idea!' Calemnvir protested. Avalon ignored his griping and drew a peice of chalk from a pouch on his belt. He drew a bunch of intricate symbols on the floor, then connected them in a chicle and began chanting in an ancient language Avalon had forgotten the name of. The symbols began to glow blue, and the portal appeared on the wall. "Ladies first." He said, gesturing to the swirling vortex. 

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Snoops
Review
Snoops wrote a review Review · Sep 11, 2015

Hey, Lau here for a review.

"Iris looked down at the ground. "Uh...I think so?"
Avalon raised one eyebrow. "You think so."
"I didn't mean to! Honestly I didnt! I didn't duck in time and she was going to hit me so I lifted my hands to protect my face and...Kaboom!"

Hold on. She thinks so? Anyone would be freaked out if they made a "Kaboom". They didn't drop a vase or loose something all of a sudden. Even if she didn't think she did it, an explosion shocks anyone. Have her react like you would. Stand in the middle of your room, and imagine YOU being the reason something exploded. Wouldn't you eyes widen? Wouldn't you be shocked?


"When did you--" Iris began to say, but suddenly a burning pain scorched through her shoulder. She yelped with surprised pain and looked around to see what had hit her. The feathered shaft of an arrow was protruding from her shoulder blade. She pulled it out, hissing in her breath, and pandemonium broke loose."

What? She got hit by an arrow? I freak out when I get a paper cut! Why isn't blood scorching out? I know there magical, but come on, an arrow? Through her shoulder? And she just takes it out. I bet it hurts even more to take out. If I just got hit by an arrow, I would spend the next part of the battle, trying to find an aid kit or a doctor....

"Ingred didn't quite know what to make of all this. Never before had she been stuck in mortal combat, and she wasn't sure she particularly cared for it"

I'm going to ignore the fact that Ingred can have this thought while there is a mortal battle, but more ask why there is one. Isn't it a dozen against three? What are most of those men doing? Betting on who wins? Having a cup of tea? Because they sure aren't fighting or they would of won. The dozen men and woman could have captured or killed them, surrounded them easily.

"Iris kicked and struggled, but could do nothing to free herself." Just a plot reminder, don't make Iris the victim the whole time. Two chapters in a row, she's been the one in most danger, and readers hate it when the same person gets kidnapped over and over again.

"I'll explain on the way, but right now we really need to get going. Unless you want to be shot full of arrows in about ten to twenty minutes when the spell wears off." Hey Iris, maybe its time to mention that HOLE in your shoulder? No?



"My guess would be that you're a paladin, and your sister is a necromancer."
Iris hasn't shown any powers, but aren't necromancers people who can bring the dead back to life? Has anyone shown that ability and I missed it? Did I?

"He drew a bunch of intricate symbols," On the floor? On his hand? Where?



"Sounds like a plan. But if we really want to get out of here fast, maybe we should teleport."

This is the perfect timing for some thought process. Have Iris and Ingrid stand behind the two boys and give each other a look? A are-we-really-doing-this look? Or maybe is-this-really-happening look? Either should do.

"Yes. Unfortunately paladins are usually more healers then they are fighters." How about know Iris? You have a healer? Are you going to point it out? No? Ok, great.

Little kitty cat?' Calemnvir quavered, sounding as if he was about to explode.
'Easy, Cal.' Avalon soothed
'Little kitty cat?! Does she have any idea, any slight suspicion of who she's talking to?! I am royalty and I will not be addressed as little kitty cat!'

This is funny. Never has my favorite character been a cat. I really like that.


Overall: Just remember to get the reactions right. Imagine it happening to you! How would you react? And play it out. That's what I always do. I definitely liked it and keep PMing me. If you ever me help, just ask. Can't wait to see where this is going! Never stop writing.

-Lau.

Europa replied · Sep 12, 2015

Dude, I just wanna say you're great. You're so helpfull and I really appreciate what you're doing. Maybe when I'm done with this prodject we should write something together. Also, thanks for pointing out the whole "iris getting kidnapped twice" thing. I totally missed it. Have you ever seen you-go-oh? There's this character, Mokyba, who keeps getting kidnapped. It would be interesting except for the fact he gets captured literally fifteen times in the first season alone, which made him sort of a joke in the fan base. I'll keep a lookout for that kind of thing in future chapters and try to avoid making Iris the Mokuba of Return of Magic.
Loves!
TheFantasy

User avatar
Chaser
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Chaser wrote a review Review · Sep 10, 2015

You asked for it, here it is.

"Duck!" Avalon yelled. Ingred hunkered to the floor, and so did he. "Iris duck!" Ingred shouted.

Well, all I have to offer here are opinions. First of all, "hunkered" has always stuck out to me as a more gradual and tranquil process. Second, the repetition of "duck" seems unnecessary.

The "There's no time to explain, too much awesome!" technique is a tried and tested method of ripping the protagonist from their daily lives. Just make sure it's not too cliche, I felt a bit of that here.

When the other Myth Hunters show up, all I'm getting is confused. What had they been doing until now? It makes a lot less sense once you think about it; it's far more efficient to strike hard and fast. Was Adrin holding them off? I'd like to know.

"You stopped time!" Avalon repeated with a little more excitement. "You hardly ever come across that kind of power in a young Mage! Had no idea you were so powerful! This could change everything!"

Okay, so this is a good time to talk about theme. What do you want the whole message of the story to be? Right now, it seems to be leaning towards how to deal with power, and bonds between sisters. It's not inherently wrong, but be mindful of it as you write.

On a side note, Cal is awesome. Now then:

He drew a bunch of intricate symbols, then connected them in a chicle and began chanting in a bizarre foreign language.

If this is Avalon's perspective, the language wouldn't be bizarre or foreign to him. I assume this is Avalon's perspective because of his thoughts on Ingred's smile.

Overall, be careful not to rush things. Since this is a novel, feel free to draw it out with all kinds of assorted awesomes. The plot will come in its own time. Cheers!


-Chaser



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