The school halls are never silent,
they are never completely void of sound.
But today they are hushed with grief,
quiet voices and quiet feet.
A boy who was nearly a man
and a man still so near to boy.
Neither of them done with this world
but neither of them here anymore.
Ironic how we honor them now,
with quiet voices and silent prayers,
when in their lives they knew no volume
considered reasonable on any scale.
Bits of red stand brilliant on black.
we remember even in grief.
With two more names on the list of dead
they wonder will he make three?
The death of a child
has unsurprisingly young mourners
who cry into their textbooks
while their teachers cry into theirs.
They hated school,
but that is where it is quiet,
we think because their mourners gather here,
but maybe it's because they're gone
that voices, their voices, can't echo in the halls.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Hello! InfiniteRectangles here with a review for you!
Wow! I felt so much emotion in this poem. It gave me chills! You were so beautifully descriptive with plot development. I love how you captured the irony of the situation, how it seemd no one cared about him until after he died. Also I love that you added the part about the teachers because often people tend to focus on the grieving students and maybe the parents and forget that the teachers are grieving as well. So great job on that!
Really, the only issue I had was with the flow towards the end with the lines:
"but that is where it is quiet,
we think because their mourners gather here,"
These two lines seemed a bit awkward in comparison to the rest of the poem. It just didn't seem to flow as well to me.
The only other thing I noticed was that towards the end your punctuation was less consistent. Before, you set up your lines lie sentences and punctuated accordingly, but at the end, it seemed that you had a run-on sentence. Now, I understand that punctuation isn't as important in poetry, but if you decide to add it, it needs to be consistent. This is the only place I saw an error with that:
"They hated school,
but that is where it is quiet,
we think because their mourners gather here,
but maybe it's because they're gone
that voices, their voices, can't echo in the halls."
You made all four lines into one sentence and it makes it drag a little. Maybe you could try splitting it up into two sentences.
Well, that's all I have for you! This was an amazing poem! Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night!
Wow that was incredible, I have to say it made me cry.
So here is my review
Firstly I would like to comment on your use of diction, the words like "hushed", "silent", "void" in the first part of the poem really bring out the emotions in the reader, they capture the tone of sadness and mourning perfectly.
The repetition of the word "quiet" and "voices" emphasis the great silence and shock that struck the school, again great job.
These line, "A boy who was nearly a man
and a man still so near to boy.
Neither of them done with this world
but neither of them here anymore." are in my opinion perfect.
Overall this poem is a masterpiece from start to finish.
Wow Thats Tragic I felt the characters pain and sorrow for this alone is amazing and im now becoming used to poems frequently all i ask you is to make more of these so you can make one lucky reader cry of this amazing piece make sure you use captial letter in new sentences and make sure you make a better understanding of your background to the read thank you for this awesome piece