Better times ahead

Ok, Nargles here to review.

So, you have something of great potential here and with a bit of editing and fixing up it can be a really good piece of poetry.
You are obviously trying to convey the feeling of a new age, of life getting better and a golden age to come about. You don't go about this in the best of ways.
Your rhyme is off, and feels really forced. If a the rhyming isn't working then don't have it rhyme, it's ok. This poem would be fine without a rhyme scheme, if not better. It has very little flow and just feels jagged and off.
You are forcing the rhyme so much that the poem is suffering from it and the message you are trying to convey is lost.
You also need punctuation, that will assist the flow of the poem. And, I'm also not sure why you capitalised 'freedom at last' it doesn't need to be, you can make the readers know that that is the message of the poem without having it all in capitals. You don't need a big neon sign reading 'look at this, this is what the poem is about'
You should be able to convey that easily enough without it.

So, what do I suggest you do about these problems.
Well, don't force the rhyme, if something does 't feel like it is working, don't use it. I don't know whether you feel as if it needs to rhyme or if you just want it too. Either way it doesn't need to rhyme.

As for the punctuation, well, that is easily fixed, read it out loud and see when you pause and not. Punctuation in poetry is entirely up to the poet, but the golden rule really is if you have punctuation at any point in your poem it needs to be consistent.

I realise this review may be a bit harsh, but I feel as if you have the makings of a good poem and a great poet, you simply need to spend more time editing your work and figuring out what is best for it.
Good luck and keep writing
Nargles xx

The poem actually sounds rather nice. The flow is good, and none of the rhyming seemed all that forced except for "here" and "hears." I also really like the interruption at the middle of the poem: "Freedom at last." The capitalization of it and the way it's structured differently from the rest of the poem is very effective.

However, while the poem sounds nice, I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here, and although the rhyming doesn't sound force, it looks forced. For example, "qualm" seems to be included only because it rhymes with "palm."

But more than all that, the poem seems to have a few different themes - none of which seem connected to the other. Is this a poem about overcoming struggle? A poem about reaching the age of maturity and having freedom? Or is this a poem about looting from society? Because the poem drifts from one theme to the other so abruptly, it's very hard to tell what you're trying to say.

I like how this is short and sweet yet it flows nicely. A nice poem to read. I'm not sure why you capitalized freedom at last. However, I enjoyed this. Keep writing.

Truthfully, its a rather nice piece...but i somehow get the impression that am i don't know what am actually reading about. Ok, one thing you need is some commas and fullstops. Try them, because they help in dividing you poem to make it easier to read and understand. Keep on trying and the thing you should work on most is trying to make the reader at least understand the abstract meaning.