I pray thee o lord,let not be born a pauper,
That navigate the streets day and night
yonder,
Once through with the day’s wondering
lodge under
A conducive bridge,no blanket,just a paper
wrapper.
If it’s thus,i heard true down there,
A human i can’t be but a saint right here.
Verily,verily i can see blood cry despair,
Saying,y so,y life not a game fair,
True lord life is no fanfare.
Whilst i enjoy me stay with you,
To travel down earth,
Prepare a palace in ‘stanbul
So i go and rest.
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writing in this style is really difficult!! i loved the theme, i loved your words, i loved the ending. im glad there is no fixed rhyme scheme, that would have ruined it. you brought out the emotions really well, (y)
thanks
This sounds like something Shakespear would write. Haha very good!
THANKS!!!!!!
Nice poem, I find it interesting that you used an archaic or old-fashioned style to write it, which is always a challenge and surprisingly difficult to pull off effectively and in a believable manner. You managed this well, with a few mistakes in places; though as I said it is extremely hard to pull off a good archaic piece perfectly unless you were actually born in that era, and taking into account that this is only your first poem on this website, this isn't a bad effort at all. One thing I would say is the lack of capitalization on the 'i's; it is a little distracting but is a common error and is easily edited. The use of 'y' instead of why in "y, so y life not a game fair" seemed a little odd, as I have not come across this in any other archaic-style texts, though perhaps there are variations in other regions.
All in all, not bad at all for a very difficult style of writing, and with nice flowery descriptions to match. Well done and welcome to the site too!
Thank you,the "i's" and the "y's" was my mistake,i posted it on facebook for my friends to see,its quite common there for shorthand words,Again thank!
No problem!
I really enjoyed how you set this poem up. It's different and puts emphasis on the words that rhyme. The use of the language in here has made it a bit hard for me to understand the meaning, but the old fashion words do give it a dated feeling.
Grammatically-- and I don't know if this was on purpose or not-- your I's are not capitalized. However, you do need to put a space after your commas. For instance "Saying,y so,y life not a game fair,/"
It should look like "Saying, y so, y life not a game fair,/"
I thought the poem as a whole was very well put together. Keep up the great work!
-Kev
thanks,my blutant mistake
Wow...am in a bliss right now. After reading this poem, i read it three more times again and i've gotta tell you, am hooked. Totally different from "better times ahead". I could easily understand and digest it without trouble. So all said and done, i hope you keep it up and keep on wowing me.
THANK YOU,ITS FROM MATERS LIKE YOU I LEARNED THIS TRADE FROM