writing in this style is really difficult!! i loved the theme, i loved your words, i loved the ending. im glad there is no fixed rhyme scheme, that would have ruined it. you brought out the emotions really well, (y)
I pray thee o lord,let not be born a pauper,
That navigate the streets day and night
yonder,
Once through with the day’s wondering
lodge under
A conducive bridge,no blanket,just a paper
wrapper.
If it’s thus,i heard true down there,
A human i can’t be but a saint right here.
Verily,verily i can see blood cry despair,
Saying,y so,y life not a game fair,
True lord life is no fanfare.
Whilst i enjoy me stay with you,
To travel down earth,
Prepare a palace in ‘stanbul
So i go and rest.
writing in this style is really difficult!! i loved the theme, i loved your words, i loved the ending. im glad there is no fixed rhyme scheme, that would have ruined it. you brought out the emotions really well, (y)
Nice poem, I find it interesting that you used an archaic or old-fashioned style to write it, which is always a challenge and surprisingly difficult to pull off effectively and in a believable manner. You managed this well, with a few mistakes in places; though as I said it is extremely hard to pull off a good archaic piece perfectly unless you were actually born in that era, and taking into account that this is only your first poem on this website, this isn't a bad effort at all. One thing I would say is the lack of capitalization on the 'i's; it is a little distracting but is a common error and is easily edited. The use of 'y' instead of why in "y, so y life not a game fair" seemed a little odd, as I have not come across this in any other archaic-style texts, though perhaps there are variations in other regions.
All in all, not bad at all for a very difficult style of writing, and with nice flowery descriptions to match. Well done and welcome to the site too! 
I really enjoyed how you set this poem up. It's different and puts emphasis on the words that rhyme. The use of the language in here has made it a bit hard for me to understand the meaning, but the old fashion words do give it a dated feeling.
Grammatically-- and I don't know if this was on purpose or not-- your I's are not capitalized. However, you do need to put a space after your commas. For instance "Saying,y so,y life not a game fair,/"
It should look like "Saying, y so, y life not a game fair,/"
I thought the poem as a whole was very well put together. Keep up the great work!
-Kev
Wow...am in a bliss right now. After reading this poem, i read it three more times again and i've gotta tell you, am hooked. Totally different from "better times ahead". I could easily understand and digest it without trouble. So all said and done, i hope you keep it up and keep on wowing me.
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